Personal and undiluted views
Call me Dave

970 days ago

General Knowledge Quiz – which country are most Syrian refugees heading to right now?

The UK? Germany?  Trump’s America – after all the US did lead the fight against that bastard Assad? Think again. The answer is not something you will see reported widely in the Western Media for it is ….

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1019 days ago

The BBC on Nigeria – beyond parody

Taxpayer funded, BBC Radio 4 has just run a long report on the problems Nigeria faces. It started with David Cameron slamming the country as being corrupt back in 2016. This, the BBC argued, was unhelpful. It was a bad thing to say. I am not normally one to defend Call Me Dave, but on this occasion.

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1133 days ago

Fake News special on Syria in the Sunday Telegraph

I am quite open about my views on Syria. As explained here, the sooner that President Assad exterminates the last terrorist vermin in their Idlib stronghold the better, so bringing peace and security back to Syria. The Western media is spinning on behalf of the terrorists who our Governments have rashly backed and as such serve up some cracking 100% fake news – meet Mostafa.

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1136 days ago

Beer & Popcorn time: The man who backed the Quindell fraudsters moves to oust Insider dealer Yosi Fait from Telit

Davide Serra is a man with a track record of terrible calls. For starters he was pals with call Me Dave Cameron. Then he stuffed other folks cash – the funds he manages – into Quindell and sent pompous missives to the FCA demanding that we fraudbusters who were pointing out the blatant fraud be hung drawn and quartered. Quite simply Serra is a fool and a prick. Natch he has bought up 5% of Telit (TCM), the company founded by the US mortgage fraudster and fugitive from justice Oozi cats, nee Uzi Katz.

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1198 days ago

Syria – what the liberal media is not telling you – get ready for blowback as the West suffers the price of its folly

I have noted time and time again that the West has been backing the wrong side in Syria. And that side is now losing ground at an alarming rate much to the joy of native Syrians.  Now that  mortars belonging to the Free Syrian Army, aka Al Qaeda, the folks Call Me Dave Cameron termed “moderates”, no longer pound Damascus, the Western media begrudgingly and rarely shows footage of a capital that is safe, prospering, free and happy.  Now President Assad helped by Russia is seeking to seize control of the South West of Syria, the area bordering Israel and Jordan.

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1365 days ago

The Madness of the West allows new genocide in Syria - we have blood on our hands

For more than five years the West has been pusuing a policy of madness in Syria. The authors of this madness were crooked Hillary, Obama, Call Me Dave Cameron and Frau Merkel. Only Merkel is still in office but the madness continues.

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1756 days ago

Mass on December 25 in Aleppo cathedral after 5 years and yet we are still backing the wrong side in Syria

Here in Bristol we prayed for Christians around the world who were suffering for their faith and we prayed for peace in Syria. And on Christmas day I hope we all rejoiced as the cathedral of St Elijah in Aleppo held its first Christmas service in five years. What joy that must have brought to the 100,000 Christians still left in Aleppo.

The Western media reported this rather sheepishly. Because it exposes the folly and wickedness of the policies of our Government in Syria, policies that the Western media has lapped up and promoted with lies and bias throughout. Here are the facts.

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1757 days ago

The Call Me Dave sham exposed big time this Christmas

David Cameron's rich, tax-dodging, stockbroker father paid for him to go to Eton from where he went to Oxford. One proper job ( well sort of) was arranged for young David after Oxford, a stint as the PR man for Carlton Communications. Then he started to climb the greasy pole. With a Mrs who was even more minted by dint of inherited wealth, the Camerons were clearly in the 1% not the 99% and never had to worry about money.

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1922 days ago

BBC Political Editor Laura Kuenssberg a shameful economic illiterate

BBC Political Editor Laura Kuenssberg should surely have a grasp of the very basics of economics but the ghastly Scot is utterly economically illiterate. On the 10 O'Clock News, reviewing the achievements of Call Me Dave she claimed that he had paid off most not all of the deficit. A minute later she clarified that he had paid off two thirds of the deficit. This is so basic her gaffe is embarrassing.

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1979 days ago

Dodgy David Cameron should Resign NOW as he is exposed as lying monstrously to us all over EU referendum

The Daily Mail has obtained a letter which is political dynamite and shows that David Cameron has lied on a monumental scale over the EU referendum. If he was a man of honour he would resign at once. But he is instead Dodgy David Cameron.

Eleven days before calling the poll Cameron was negotiating with the other EU nations on a deal for Britain. Dodgy Dave told Parliament and us all that if he did not get the deal he wanted he would campaign for us to leave the EU.

But at the same time, it emerges 

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1986 days ago

David Cameron tells the truth and is panned...he should stick to lying

Yesterday Dodgy Dave claimed that leaving the EU increased the risk of World War Three. That was a slam dunk 100% lie and some people pointed that out but on the whole he got an easy ride. 

Today David Cameron was revealed to have said that Nigerian and Afghanistan are corrupt. Well that is not an opinion that is a fact. According to Transparency International only 16% of the world's countries are more corrupt than Nigeria while Afghanistan is ranked as among the top 1% for corruption. It is in a neck and neck race to be the most corrupt country on this planet.

Naturally the UK gives both countries oodles of aid to be stolen. International aid is as

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2016 days ago

David Cameron and another tax dodge - this time it is £200,000: taxes are for little people

In order to persuade us all that he has done nothing wrong David Cameron has published his tax papers going back to 2009. The only problem is that they demonstrate explicitly that he avoided paying tax ( £70,000of tax) by a legal sleight of hand. You and I would not only have not known about that trick but also not been in line to inherit the sort of vast sums that Cameron and his sisters inherited. We are the little people. We pay taxes at normal rates.

Cameron's old man left him £300,000 direct. That woukd be £300,000 of money from the Blairmore Trust where returns were increased by not having to pay tax becuase it was based offshore. And that money went to Call Me Dave tax free. 
Most of Cameron's old man's cash went to Cameron's mum ( that would also be offshore cash as per the Panama Papers). 

A few months after CMD picked up the £300,000 ( tax free because it was under the £325,000 IHT exemption limit), Mrs Cameron senior handed CMD

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2018 days ago

Last Chance to Enter David Lenigas yacht & what is EBITDA contests - tonight

There are no prizes at all but the deadline to enter these two contests is no-one is watching O'Clock tonight (Friday), or as they say at the US Oil & Gas (USOP) press office, rush hour. The standard of entries so far as been incredibly high so to see those entries and post your one for EBITDA go HERE and for Jabba's yacht go HERE and e now also have a Call Me Dave tax dodging caption contest HERE

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2018 days ago

So David Cameron finally Comes Clean on the Panama Papers and tax - Oh no he doesn't

Finally at the fifth attempt David Cameron says that he has come clean about the offshore Blairmore Trust set up by his late father and exposed in the Panama Papers. Or has he come clean?

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2020 days ago

Panama Papers: 4 times David Cameron refuses to answer the question re his tax dodging dad - why not?

David Cameron's late dad set up offshore trusts to avoid tax. It was legal but in the view of many of us a tad seedy. Did Call Me Dave or his family benefit personally? Cameron has now issued four statements but not answered the critical frigging questions.

In statement one Cameron said it was none of our business, in statement two he said he owned no shares or offshore Trusts, statement three saw CMD saying his family and he were not benefitting from the trusts and statement four said they will not benefit from them.

But the specific questions we really need to have answered are:

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2020 days ago

Panama Papers: Tory Fat Cat Dominic Grieve: "save the banksters in offshore tax havens"

I am not sure that this shows how "in touch" Mr David Cameron's Tories are with the zeitgeist but his former Attorney General Dominic Grieve MP does not want a hasty reaction to the Panama Papers because he thinks we must protect the, now threatened, species that is the offshore bankster. 

Like many on the right, I find the idea that multi millionaires, like David Cameron's late father can pay sod all tax becuase they use offshore shell companies while folks like you and I pay the full whack a bit distasteful. It is sordid and patently unfair that "taxes are for little people". Conservatism should be about meritocracy and opportunity for all not just helping a small financial elite get even richer.

Of course one way to get the small super rich spivs back onshore is to lower UK tax rates and I am a big supporter of that.

But equally it does seem just wrong that crown colonies are allowing the uber rich to pay sweet FA and -as the Panama Papers make clear - to allow other rich folk to engage in money laundering. The former is distatsteful, the latter illegal.

Could we clamp down on what goes on in crown colonies like the BVI, Jersey and the Isle of Man? Yes we could. We could, for instance

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2026 days ago

David Cameron you might save UK Steel by doing less not more

King Canute has cut short an Easter break, where he pretended not to be posh, to fly home to deal with the steel crisis. You see the sky is falling in and chicken little pretends that by calling an emergency summit he can fix it just like that. It is all make believe of course. This is the fantasy world of Call Me Dave where our super-hero has to be see rolling up his sleeves and doing something.

The problem is that Tata wants to leave the UK steel business as it is losing money hand over fist. What can Dave do to save 15,000 jobs in the welfare safaris? History shows that he will consider chucking taxpayer cash down the pan to ease the problem. Sure he might save a few jobs, pro tem, but it is an incredibly expensive way for a Government running a huge deficit to make a point.

The reality

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2035 days ago

David Cameron & the EU will you stop your new Turkish pals from gay bashing poor Sir Elton John?

As we prepare to hand over 6 billion Euro to Turkey and to give 75 million Turks free travel across Europe it seems that nothing that the country's fascist President Erdogan does can raise any objection from the EU or from David Cameron. 

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2040 days ago

President Erdogan of Turkey thinks journalists are terrorists: why are we giving 6 billion to this fascist?

By we, I mean the EU which is giving Turkey 6 billion Euro as a bribe to only export the right sort of immigrants (ie Syrians whether they be peace lovers or jihadis) to Europe. As part of the EU's Turk-geld policy we are also planning to allow 75 million Turkish citizens to roam freely around the EU from June and to accelerate Turkey's membership appliocation to join the Evil Empire. What could possibly go wrong? What's not to like. Answers on a postcard to David Cameron in Downing Street because Call Me Dave reckons this is money well spent and wants to be part of this barking mad set-up. I don't which is aother reason I am voting for Brexut.

As a reminder, Turkey bombs our friends the Kurds. It buys oil from ISIS and is the chief supply route of men and arms to ISIS. It closes down newspapers and TV stations that are hostile to the Government. And more than 2000 folk have been arrested for the offence of insulting the Government, that is to say disagreeing with it.

Terrorists are dealt with very harshly but who is a terrorist? Helpfully, President Erdogan has cleared that one up for us all. 

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2046 days ago

Shocker: War Criminal Tony Blair tells the truth about the EU as he argues against Brexit

The old war criminal Blair has again spoken out in the EU Referendum debate and although phoney Tony has lied about so many things for so many years, for once -as he argues that we should stay in - he tells the truth.

Blair's candid admission is that he seems to acknowledge thart his support for the "in" campaign may not actually win it any votes and indeed might actually assist those pushing for Brexit. The old liar stated: "I don’t know whether its the right time for me on the campaign trail. That carries with it negatives as well as positives"

Indeed it does. Mr Blair is a proven liar who will also formally be shown to be a war criminal when his attempts to delay publication of the Chilcott enquiry into the illegal Iraq War are finally overcome. Blair has amassed a vast fortune advising despots, dictators and human rights abusers around the world. And even if he did not shag Wendy,

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2049 days ago

Tom Winnifrith podcast: EU deal with Turkey: sordid, disgusting and bad news - you must now vote for Brexit

Turkey's record on human rights, free speech on committing genocide against the Kurds on backing ISIS is disgraceful. Ignoring all that, the EU (with Britain involved) is doing a deal with the Turks on the migrants which will still see Europe having to take in millions and will cost us a packet and will see millions of Turks also now heading for Northern Europe. It is an awful deal at every level and Call Me Dave Cameron is at its centre. This should make every waverer decide today to vote for Brexit - the UK cannot afford to be part of the EU Club any longer.

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2050 days ago

The Guardian: Lies, rugby, Eton toffs and Homosexuals

The Guardian's Stuart Jeffries pens a lengthy piece on rugby and tackling in schools which says nothing in particular in a fairly tedious way. But in the way it treats No 8 and Eton College it says far more about this awful publication than about the art of the scrummage.

Mr Jeffries, a grammar school boy, seems convinced that many rugger players are toffs and thus manages to get in several paragraphs about Eton. The only minor issue with this approach is that because of the Wall Game and rowing, rugger is a relatively minor sport at Eton. To lambast rugger as a game which most public schools in England play would be accurate if rather pointless but to single out the one major public school where rugger does not dominate the winter term, is just the Guardian way. Never let facts get in the way of a spot of Eton bashing with a dose of Call Me Dave abuse thrown in for good measure.

For the record I am no particular fan of Eton or of Call Me Dave but facts do matter.

And that brings me to the author's insistence that at his grim North Midlands grammar school, as a Number 8, he was forced to bind onto the two second rows by sticking his hand between their legs, rubbing past their testicles and grabbing their shirt. At length he describes the homo-erotic nature of this encounter.

My father 

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2055 days ago

Tom Winnifrith podcast - Call Me Dave's Dodgy Dossier on EU Brexit - it is just lies

The Government of David Cameron has today published a document considering the impact on trade and food prices of an EU Brexit. This dodgy dossier contains lies from start to finish as I explain in this podcast.

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2300 days ago

New UKIP Attack video - the 2 faced David Cameron Special

For the n'th time I do not support UKIP and neither does the druid Getafix although I see today that he has joined the forces of Euroscepticsm - welcome aboard Malcolm. However, UKIP attack videos are a hoot and the latest one exposes the two faces of Call Me Dave when it comes to a Brexit referendum as you can see below.

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2366 days ago

Bulletin Board & General Election Moron of the Week (17) announced

Maybe I did not make the General Election element of this contest clear. Merely pointing out policies that do not stack or the general duplicity of Call Me Dave or insanity of Vince Cable/The Greens does not win – we need a specific quote that is self-evidently insane.  Please do better this week HERE. And thus the winner of last week’s contest is…

A Bulletin Board Moron, in the absence of any real political entries. Well done to Grindertrader for spotting this gem from the LSE Asylum

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2473 days ago

Ched Evans is being treated disgracefully and David Cameron & Nick Clegg are populist tossers

I never thought I’d find myself writing in support of a convicted rapist but the footballer Ched Evans is at the centre of a witch-hunt egged on by vote seeking and spineless politicians which makes me feel rather ashamed to be British.

The transcript of the trial makes it clear that Mr Evans is a prize sleazebag. He insists that when he climbed into bed with his pal and a bird the pal had pulled, that the oral sex he offered to pleasure her with was at her invitation and that she consented to full sex thereafter. The next morning the victim bragged by text that she had bagged “a big one”. The next evening she reported Mr Evans and his pal for rape. The pal (who went first) got off, Evans served 30 months.

There is a very legitimate debate about the leniency of sentence. I would regard two and a half years for rape as shockingly light. However based on the court transcripts I am not convinced that I would have been able as a juror to have found Mr Evans guilty beyond all reasonable doubt of rape. Yes he is a sleazebag but a rapist? I am not so sure.

But he was convicted. He served his time and now he is out. Yet it seem as if the media and political establishment is determined that he never ply his trade again. He is not allowed to play abroad because he is on the Sex Offender’s register and when a UK club tries to sign him it faces such a barrage of hostility that it walks away. Nick Clegg was first to jump on this populist bandwagon.

David Cameron spouted some rubbish about how he could not take his son to watch a match in which Ched was playing. What utter nonsense. Posh Dave is a faux footie fan. A few weeks standing outside the posh seats at any club and he’d know from the chants that very few soccer players can be held up as role models. “Andy Carroll’s ‘avin a party, time to get the vodka and Charlie

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2568 days ago

Most ShareProphets Readers Expect Dave Cameron to be next PM but 2% of you are delusional Lib Dems – Reader Poll Results

We asked, at the weekend, who you, our readers, expected to form the next Government. The bad news is that a fifth of you think the nightmare scenario of a Lab/Lib coalition is on the cards. Time to emigrate methinks. Most readers thank that one way or another Call Me Dave Cameron will get to stay in No 10 and 2% of our readers are officially delusional thinking that the Lib Dems will form a majority Government. The full results are:

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2572 days ago

Cracking Spoof Call Me Dave Cameron Conference Speech Musical Video

I warn you that this video contains bad language. But it is rather clever and funny even if you are a Tory, whether that be an exposing yourself in your PJs on the internet Tory, an about to defect to UKIP Tory or the traditional sort of Tory. Enjoy.

 

 

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2590 days ago

ISIS not Muslims but Monsters says Call Me Dave – he lies

Call Me Dave stated today that ISIS fighters were “not Muslims but Monsters.” I sounds like a good sound bite but the only thing is that it is untrue. 

ISIS fighters are in fact ALL Muslims. They are also Monsters, on that Cameron and I agree. This s not saying that all Muslims are monsters. Very few are. Just like very few Jews or Christians are monsters.   

Extremists of most religions tend to be fairly unpleasant fellows and in this respect ISIS fits the bill perfectly.  But to try to suggest that they are not Moslems is just plain untrue.

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2598 days ago

51% of 5 million welfare addicts set to vote for economic hara-kiri: Poll says Scots will vote yes in #IndyRef – Great News!

From Greece in the South I have been watching the run up to the referendum debate in the Greece of the North with some amusement. Ever since Gordon Brown lent his weight to the No campaign, Scots have been flocking to the Yes camp in increasing numbers and a poll tonight suggests 51% will vote for independence. As an English taxpayer I am delighted, the sooner the welfare addicted scroungers piss off the better.

89% of Scots are net takers from the State. Scotland has every year bar one (1976) been a net taker from England since the Act of Union. All mainstream Scots political parties are Money Tree worshippers and consistently demand that Government spends more and more. That is Scotland’s problem, it has created a nation of welfare junkies.

The debate seems to have been of an abysmal standard. One side invents major new oil fields which the English wish to steal, while Call Me Dave warns Scots that without England they are more vulnerable to Al-Qaeda/ISIS attacks. Yeah right…I know that many ISIS fighters come from places like Somalia but even they would find 95% of urban Scotland a bit of a shit hole. And imagine if an ISIS fighter was captured by the Scots. Stick him in a room with a bunch of overweight, chain smoking workshy Glaswegians and after 24 hours of them bleating on about how England causes all their problems, the Islamofascist would beg for mercy and reveal all.

As an English taxpayer I cannot wait to have the economic burden of Scotland removed as soon as possible. I am also praying

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2630 days ago

Baroness Warsi – Good Riddance you are a thieving and stupid apologist for murderers

Baroness Warsi has quit the Government so she can make more outrageous remarks about Israel. Good riddance. As someone married to a talented and hard-working Asian female who has been promoted solely on merit and not stolen taxpayers cash I have nothing but contempt for this hideous creature who has risen up the greasy pile thanks to nothing other than Call Me Dave’s desire to “reach out”

In 2012 she was cleared of fiddling her expenses. She had claimed cash for staying in a house when she did not actually pay any rent. Er… so that is okay then if you’re a politician. I call it stealing cash from the taxpayer. She should have been out on her ear then.

As for Israel, I bring you this Warsi quote from 2006. How 100% wrong can anyone be?

I think what's happened in the Middle East with the election of Hamas is actually an opportunity

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2709 days ago

Weekly Caption Context – Low Tax & Gary Barlow Edition

I cannot remember the last time we ran a caption contest but it is time to get back into the old routine, if only to keep Jon Pickles happy.  As such this week we feature the man formally known as Saint Gary of Barlow, a man who could do no wrong but now known as a bit of a Jimmy carr on the tax avoiding front.

Mr Barlow is an enthusiastic member of Call Me Dave’s Conservative party in the mistaken belief that the spineless one was going to make the UK a low tax regime. I picture of the two men in happier times is your challenge.

Please post your entries in the comments section below by 9 AM Friday.

For what it is worth my entry is:

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2709 days ago

What to do on May 22nd?

It is entirely likely that thanks to Labour dirty tricks, that is to say the Mrs neglecting to put me on the electoral roll, I shall not be able to vote at all this week. We will troop over to the polling station near her old flat on Thursday and find out.

If I can vote what should I do? As a dyed in the wool Eurosceptic and someone who believes that the entire political class should be strung up with piano wire my natural inclination is to vote UKIP. After all the European elections do not really matter do they? My guess is that enough folks will view it this way to ensure that Mr Farage and his supporters will be celebrating triumphs in both the local and European elections as I explained HERE earlier.

I do not care if UKIP contains more than a smattering of prize loons that does not deter me.

However, I find that when Mr Farage moves away from Europe, where I agree with him 100%, to other matters I get rather agitated. He is clearly now trying to appeal to traditional Labour voters and so he supports a minimum wage (a tax on jobs) and there is talk in UKIP circles of backing the living wage.  This is not a pro-business agenda but it will also not assist the poor since it will destroy jobs.

I remember wincing when I heard him at UK Investor Show 2013

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2744 days ago

The Gay Tory Researchers and their Orgies – the ONLY scandal is that the taxpayer is footing the bill

The papers are full of lurid details of the personal activities of the lads and lasses who work at the Conservative Policy Unit. Apparently gay and straight alcohol fuelled orgies are par for the course. I do not care. What folks do behind closed doors is 100% their own business. So what if some Tory researchers and MPs like casual gay sex? Who cares? This is 2014 not 1914. It is not as if what they are doing is even illegal anymore.

Yes I find some of their activities distasteful. It is very brave of them to “come out” and admit that they work for a party that contains Maria Miller, wants to gag the press, supports secret courts and intervention in Syria and pisses away tens of billions on welfare, joke University degree courses, foreign aid, etc., etc. Being one of Cameron’s conservatives is pretty embarrassing but they are consenting adults so, though I find it distasteful they have every right to be 2014 Tories.

But there is a scandal here. And as ever it is the brazen way that the political classes abuse the taxpayer. The CPU is funded

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2747 days ago

Maria Miller axed but for how long? The political class just do not get it

And so finally the greedy pig Culture Secretary has quit as a minister. This vile woman is an expenses cheat. Someone who has stolen taxpayer’s cash for vast personal enrichment. In the private sector she would not have been demoted (from minister to MP) but fired. And then prosecuted. And would never worked in her chosen career again. But she is an MP so it is different. The greedy pig Miller will be back.

Who says so? Call Me Dave Cameron says so. He looks forward to welcoming her back to Government. Like David Laws and many others before him the thief gets a temporary demotion and when we poor saps, the plebs, the peasants, the taxpayers who pay for this stinking farce have become a bit less angry, the crim will be allowed back into Government. Cameron has said so explicitly.

I am not sure what makes me most angry. Is it the thievery of Miller? Is it the way

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2749 days ago

A Year to the Day RIP Margaret Thatcher, chatting to a cabbie

Just a quick note reflecting that it was a year ago today that Margaret Thatcher died. She did not get everything right but was, in my view, our greatest Prime Minister. At the time I greatly mourned her passing and stood near St Pauls on the day of the funeral to show my respects.

I was reflecting on her achievements yesterday after a chat with an ex Tory voting cabbie. He was a man to rather disproved stereotypes when it comes to cabbies. For instance he thought UKIP’s immigration policies all wrong – he admired those who came her from Europe to do the jobs lazy Brits on welfare simply will not do.

We both admired Thatcher greatly. She was a woman who had taken a proper job outside politics. A woman who showed how the Tory party could be one of meritocracy not simply a part of the establishment and of career politicians. Yes, the contrast is with Call Me Dave Cameron. The Tory party was the first to be led by a Jew, it was the party that expanded the electoral franchise most aggressively, and it was the first to be led by a woman. This was the party that used to believe in assisting poorer working class voters by liberating them economically with lower taxes, the ability to buy their council house, the freedom not to join a Union.  I hope and expect that the first major party to have a non-white leader will be the Tories.

The Tories should be the party of opportunity. Thatcher appreciated that and so was able to connect with many outside the traditional conservative tent. Call Me Dave is cut from a rather different cloth.

RIP Lady Thatcher

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2787 days ago

Weekly Prize Caption Contest - Phil The Greek & Call Me Dave Edition

This photo cropped up somewhere on the internet of Phil the Greek and our beloved leader David Cameron. It is just too good to pass up on. And so please go ahead and post suitable captions in the comments section below. The deadline for entries is Friday afternoon and a Maribelle's voucher goes to the winner

For what it is worth my entry is: 

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2789 days ago

Finally My Interview at the Conservative Club is … tomorrow

Having told the local Conservative Club that St Valentine’s Day at 8 PM was not such a good time for an interview, I am now set to meet the committee tomorrow night for my interview. The Mrs, the woman formerly known as the deluded lefty, has been warned that I shall be popping out and may be some time.

With snow looming I sense that the idea of gaining access to a hostelry where (I gather) the internet now works, where booze is cheap and which is not a long trek down a big hill, is growing on her. If I pass she will be able to pop in as my guest, seven times a quarter without having to join and sully her ideological principles. The snow is looming.

And so tonight I must find suitable attire (a shirt with a collar of sorts) and brush up on why I believe in Conservative Principles….I guess if I read Call Me Dave’s recent speeches and then say the opposite I should be a shoe in.

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2796 days ago

Oxfam and the Floods – Let the Bankers pay

I have noted before that Oxfam is a charity not fit for purpose – it really does spout nonsense on a monumental scale. The latest clanger came on BBC Radio Oxford earlier this week – the link is here and the outbursts start at about even minutes in.

The Oxfam spokeswoman was one with two very stupid women – one from UKIP and a Lib Dem. Needless to say the Lib Dem woman agreed meekly with everything the Oxfam loony said. The UKIP old bag was again saying that the UK foreign aid budget should be diverted to help deal with UK floods. I have note before (HERE) how this is errant wolf-whistling economic claptrap. But her idiocy was easily surpassed by the Oxfam old trout.

She started by saying that the UK had plenty of cash to spend on the floods, after all Call Me Dave says “money is no object.” When a country has a deficit of £100 billion that is patently not true but if our PM (who is meant to be a conservative) is a Money Tree believer one cannot really be surprised that the deluded lefties of Oxfam are also Money Tree worshippers.

But then it got worse. Oxfam says that since 2008 UK bankers have received bonuses of £70 billion which is about £10 billion more than we have spent on foreign aid) so the UK bankers can afford to pay. Where to start

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2800 days ago

Maria Miller MP – Another Political class expenses Pig, spinning madly and playing the system at our expense

In a shameful piece of journalism, The Daily Mail today carries a piece stating that Culture Secretary Maria Miller is set to be slammed by the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner Kathryn Hudson for fiddling £90,000 of expenses.  Who planted this story? I bet you a fiver it was the spin department of Maria Miller. To a trained journalist it is so obvious that this THIEF is spinning hard, albeit in an incredibly amateurish fashion, to keep her nose in the trough.

The article cites sources, friends of Miller, Tory MPs but makes it clear that it has not been spoken to be team Piggy Miller. The article protests too much.

The substance of the piece is that Hudson has indeed found Miller guilty of fiddling her expenses But…

 

  1. She will not have to pay the money back so this is not really that serious, just a little misunderstanding
  2. Many Tory MPs think Ms Hudson does not understand the rules
  3. Most Tory MPs are sympathetic to Ms Miller
  4. Dave Cameron is desperate to keep as many women on his front bench as possible – given recent accusations of sexism.

Clearly the only person who benefits from this story appearing is Maria Miller in that one is left with the impression that the Watchdog might just be a bit incompetent, that the crime is not really that serious and that if she does get axed from the cabinet it is only because she was a woman and that most MPs are essentially on her side.  As such it is blindingly obvious who planted this story and who all the “sources are”. Shame on the Daily Mail for running such crap.

Looking at the points in order.

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2835 days ago

Prize caption Contest – very odd one out edition

I cannot run with another caption contest based on the idea that some people still believe in David Cameron or global warming or both. So instead I offer you the photos of four well known men and invite you to say without breaking any laws of libel which is the odd one out.

The most entertaining factually correct answer wins a 50% off voucher to the soon to open new Spanish wine & tapas bar in Clerkenwell, Mirabelle’s. Prop… you know who. Post your ideas in the comments box below by Friday at noon.

Last week I asked for a caption for this photo.

 

The winner is Donalgarth for:

Penguin one "No I don't fancy their chances at all, I've heard that FAT Sam's leading the rescue party."


He will be sent his voucher entitling him for 50% off his bill when he visits Mirabelle’s.

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2836 days ago

The Tories want to raise the Minimum wage – economic madness

I guess that with an election looming Call Me Dave wants to thin k that the Tories have a “nice side” and so is floating the idea of raising the minimum wage. What sheer lunacy such a measure will hurt many and benefit no-one. Let me explain why, yet again, CMD has just got it plain wrong.

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2842 days ago

Prize Caption Contest – The two Ships of Fools in the Ice & Call Me Dave with Foxy Blonde issue

I am sure that for many readers of this blog there have been two highlights of the Christmas News Season. The first came from Call Me Dave Cameron who arranged a photo shoot with a foxy blonde lady who was one of the first to use taxpayers cash to buy a flat under the Government’s Help to Buy scheme ( also known as lets bribe the fools with their own cash by inflating the housing bubble to win the election scheme).




It has since emerged that this bird (Ms Sharon Ray) did not need taxpayer’s cash at all since she drives a £33,000 sports car. Better still, the Estate Agent who pocketed a handy commission for selling the flat to the foxy bird was in fact the foxy bird herself. Great photo op Call Me Dave and I am delighted that my taxes are going to such a worthy cause. 

Only one event trumps this triumph for the heir to Blair and it was the stranding in ice packs of the Russian research vessel Akademik Shokalskiy over Christmas. This ship was carrying 52 passengers (including research scientists and, naturally, reporters from the BBC and its sister paper The Guardian) and was travelling to the Antarctic to investigate how global warming was melting the ice packs.

I would have thought that they would have been more successful had they been trying to find a bunch of Shepherds, three wise men and a virgin in Cardiff City Centre. They would at least have found the shepherds. Antarctic ice is in fact at levels not seen since modern records began. I know that the computer models 

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2843 days ago

16,089 words of Torture lie ahead thanks to Zak Mir

Yes, I am sub-editing a book by Zak Mir. My good friend is a top technical analyst but his Harrovian education has left him not quite semi-literate for that would be an insult to the semi-literate, but with what one might term a unique style.

Zak does to the English language on a daily basis what Call Me Dave has done to the Idea of governing with basic Tory principles. He twists, distorts, invents and produces something with only a fleeting resemblance to the original.

However I have enjoyed ten years of translating, ooops I meant editing, Zak’s prose. I know that trying to sub a whole Zak book did drive my friend Contra Coffee Man Stephen Eckett to the brink of insanity a couple of years ago, but if anyone can do it, it is me. A fine book is on the way.

Naturally I am procrastinating like hell. So I am writing this piece. The Mrs has offered me the opportunity to do some tidying and to cook supper and do all the washing up as well as empty the cats’ litter tray. “No problems my dearest.” I know the alternative.

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2854 days ago

It had to happen eventually – Vince Cable is 100% right about something: immigration

I never thought I would be writing this but I suppose it had to happen eventually: I find myself agreeing 100% with what our thoroughly deranged Business Minister Vince Cable had said. The man is just bang on the money. The subject is immigration.

Cable, who I accept is mad as a hatter 99% of the time, says that the Tories are running scared of UKIP and so are engaging in wolf whistle politics on the subject of Romanian and Bulgarian immigration after Christmas. As Cable, Call Me Dave Cameron, the frightful Theresa May and Nigel Farage all know full well, the numbers arriving here will not be gargantuan. None will be able to claim benefits for quite some time and so those coming here will be those willing and wanting to do low paid jobs.

British business needs such folk because our welfare system is far too generous and so has created a whole layer of society which is fit only to undertake unskilled/low skilled labour but refuses to do so.  In making that point Cable is again bang on the money. The Business Secretary understands that for GDP to grow as it should we need these immigrants.

The facts are:

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2862 days ago

How low can war criminal Tony Blair stoop? The Mandela Funeral

Most attention in the “reasons to loathe and despise politicians” discussion following the funeral of Nelson Mandela has focussed on Call Me Dave, Obama and the Danish PM ( Neil Kinnock’s daughter-in-law) taking a “selfie.” It was a lapse of judgement and showed an unnerving degree of disrespect. But compared to the War Criminal Blair, Dave was model mourner.

Naturally Blair was at the funeral to pay his respects. But Mammon is more important than Mandela…to Blair at least. And as such he found this global convention a good opportunity to introduce his latest billionaire “client” to Barack Obama. The photos of the handshake suggest that eve the President was mildly embarrassed.

But, hey Tony, why let a spot of grieving get in the way of business? Even by the abject standards of Blair such behaviour has to mark a new low. At what point will he stop getting invited to anything to spare the blushes of the world?

Incidentally, on the subject of war crimes…

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2864 days ago

I feel sorry for Harriet Harman’s husband on two counts & David Morris MP (Con) is a prize tool

Jack Dromey MP is a bit of a loathsome turd.  A career Union official (i.e. overpaid pen pusher rather than actual worker) he is married to Harriet Harman who led the drive to get all women shortlists for safe Labour seats. And then her husband found himself selected for such a seat. But today I feel myself feeling very sorry for poor Mr Dromey on two counts.

First up the poor chap visited a post office where he met a fellow whose nickname is “pikey” prompting Dromey to tweet a picture of him and Pikey saying he was with a Pikey from the Post Office.

Had he been with a fellow whose nickname was “plonker” he would have tweeted he was with a “plonker from the Post Office”. But immediately the anti-racist stormtroopers assumed this was a comment about Irish gypsies. Since 2007 it has been a prosecutable offence to refer to these folk as Pikies.

It clearly was not and Mr Dromey has – on this occasion – done nothing wrong. I expect leftie rabble rousers to kick up a fuss. What fills me with despair as this a leading Tory MP and pal of Call Me Dave , Mr David Morris has now asked the Old Bill to investigate poor Dromey for incitement to racial hatred. What a prize tool.

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2864 days ago

A Problem with the Conservative Club

I have yet to have my formal interview with the local Conservative Club which I joined last weekend while the Mrs (the woman formerly known as the Deluded Lefty) was away.  But I remain confident that, unlike Call Me Dave, I can say honestly that I believe in low taxes, law and order, individual responsibility, a Small state, fiscal responsibility, etc. and will walk the quiz. And so as I strolled in tonight I was welcomed with open arms. Clearly word has spread.

As you, dear readers, know, my primary motivation for joining is cheap booze and free Wi-Fi. And so as I started on a £4 very large glass of red I tied to log on. Er…oh. It failed to work.

Asking for assistance

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2867 days ago

Domino’s Boss is Right on Immigration, fake Tory Minister Mark Harper talks bollocks

Outgoing Domino’s Pizza boss Lance Batchelor is being attacked from all sides for saying that the UK needs to relax immigration rules so he can find suitable staff. Ex M&S and now Ocado boss Sir Stuart Rose said the same thing. They are spot on and “fake Tory” immigration minister Mark Harper is taking prize bollocks for attacking the pizza fellow.

Batchelor says that Domino’s could hire another 1.000 drivers and pizza toppers tomorrow but native Brits won’t take the jobs and tighter immigration rules mean there are fewer foreigners ( who will take them) around.

Harper, who after Oxford went to work for big 4 accountants KPMG before meeting up with his old Uni pal Call Me Dave and becoming a Southern England MP, disagrees with the analysis of the real life businessmen who have actually run businesses creating thousands of jobs. So who do you believe?

Being a fake Tory Harper says Batchelor should see that “market forces” are telling him that he has to up his pay rates. You will note the use of the word market forces – that is to make you and I think Harper is really a Tory.

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2869 days ago

Cheap booze at the local Conservative Club…sign me up at once (and what my Lefty Mrs said)

Still with no internet at the new house of the Mrs, I spent the whole of Sunday working in what I thought was the local hostelry in our new Neighbourhood. At ten o’clock I started wandering home and as I reached the top of the quite steep hill and about two thirds of the way back I started wondering how I will cope with this trek in the snow. But then I saw a bright light burning across the road. It called me towards it….

In a rather tired looking Victorian building there it was. The Conservative Club. With the Mrs away I thought “why not?” and buzzed my way inside. This place is less than 250 yards from my front door with no hills involved. It has Wi-Fi (although the barman did not seem to know what Wi-Fi was all about), snooker and pool tables and very, very cheap booze indeed. 

It was just £5 to join and £16 a year to be a member (an extra fiver in the unlikely event of the Mrs, the woman formerly known as the Deluded Lefty, deciding to join as well). I rapidly worked out that at £2a pint/glass of wine I will get my money back very quickly indeed. All I needed was a proposer and seconder who had known me for 5 years and an understanding that I supported the principles of the Conservative party.

Hmmmmmm,

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2889 days ago

David Cameron, Pornography, My Wife and Yours

David Cameron came into power promising to roll back the State. Yesterday he announced what has to be the most Nanny State measure in history. I concerns my wife, your wife and pornography. It shows Call Me Dave at his very meddling worst.

As ever with a politician seeking to allow the state to intrude into your private lives, Call Me Dave comes up with a claim that he is fighting an evil so wicked that anyone who opposes him is by definition evil themselves. In this case the evil Call Me Dave is fighting is not terrorism but paedophiles.

Stage one of Call Me Dave’s fight against online nonces is to get Google and other providers to remove certain search terms from their web engines. Stage two is that from late 2014 anyone wishing to access adult content via an ISP will have to opt in to do so. In other words, according to Call Me Dave, you will have to ask the Mrs if she minds you downloading porn.

Of course this is all spurious.

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2912 days ago

Tom’s Video Postcard #47 – housing bubble & global warming nutters issue

There are now almost a year’s worth of video postcards loaded up on this site and the topics have been pretty wide ranging. Today there are two topics.

1. When will the Global warming nutters concede, Margaret Thatcher and Nuclear power.

This refers to an article I published earlier this week HERE

2. The House price bubble and the disgrace of Government policy.

In between I manage to mention the Great British Bake-off and the dismal reaction of Call Me Dave.

My financial video postcard on www.shareprophets.com covers 1987, storms, crashes and also housing and can be viewed HERE

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2917 days ago

Antarctic Ice at Record Levels – Time Global warming nutters stuck their hockey sticks where the sun don’t shine

Oh dear. Oh dear. The Global warming nutters are in disarray. Their models – on the basis of which trillions of dollars have been pissed away and Al Gore has become an incredibly rich fat bastard – have been shown to be just WRONG!

I quote from Der Spiegel which cites NASA as its source:

Whenever the ice at the North and South Pole is mentioned, it is mostly in the context of melting triggered by global warming. However, the sea ice in Antarctica - in contrast to that in the Arctic - has proved to be remarkably robust. New measurements have now confirmed that. As the U.S. space agency NASA announced, the sea ice in the Antarctic has extended over an area of ​​19.47 million square meters at the end of September. That is the highest since measurements began in 1979. Why the white splendour is extending there while it is rapidly disappearing in the Arctic is a mystery.

Hmmmmmm

A mystery eh? Perhaps it is because the world is er…not getting warmer. It has got colder since 1997.  So why does that matter?

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2989 days ago

The Disappearing Tory Party - is it all Call Me Dave’s fault? & UKIP dishonesty

In the 1950s the Tory Party had 3 million members. When Call Me Dave was elected leader it had 258,000 members. These days the Tories won’t say how many members they have but it seems that the number is sub 100,000. And with an average age of almost 70 and each year seeing Councillors (the main local recruiters) lose seats won during the hated Labour Government that number will carry on falling.

Some blame call Me Dave for pissing off traditional Tories

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3004 days ago

Call Me Dave on “Exporting Gay Marriage” – wrong on every count

Call Me Dave this week boasted that he wanted “to export gay marriage” around the world. I support the idea that gay men and women should be allowed to get married and divorced just like straight couples. Why should the misery of this institution be the preserve of heterosexuals? Spread the pain. But at every level David Cameron MP just shows himself up as a member of a metropolitan Elite with a particular world view which makes me despise ever more.

My starting point is that as a libertarian I believe that you have every right to do whatever you want with your own body. As such there should be no differentiation in law between gay folk and straight folk. Homosexuality, like playing Hockey, watching Golf or going to Ibiza has never appealed to me personally but whatever floats your boat. So

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3010 days ago

Call Me Dave bashed by some (bigoted) gays – I almost feel sorry for him

Since I almost never read it, I forget what a horribly awful newspaper The Independent has become. But occasionally you are dragged back by a piece just so ludicrous that you have to read it in the name of research into just how crazed some deluded lefties are. And thus I stumble on a classic by someone called Lena Corner about how a group of gays in the East End are furious with Call Me Dave for legalising gay marriage.

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3022 days ago

MPs are still sleazy expenses grubbers – nothing changes

I noted here six days ago that MPs (who earn between 4 and 7 times the national average wage) reckon that if they don’t get a £10,000 pay rise they will be forced to fiddle their expenses again. But of course I got my sums wrong. It is even worse that I first thought.

For we learned at the weekend that 150 of the Westminster swine are claiming £50 a week for transport costs for their kids. That is deemed a legitimate expense. £2,500 a year tax free – that is worth £4,500 as a higher rate taxpayer. How many other "little" fittles like that are there which are all 100% legit under rules created by the MPs themselves? One suspects quite a few. And it all adds up.

As a bonus we also discovered that speaker John Bercow managed to claim £84 travel expenses for a journey of exactly one mile. Ironically it was a journey to visit the body set up to oversee MP’s expenses.

The political classes are right now thrashing about in a row about how Labour is bankrolled by Unite and the seeming corruption within Unite designed to fix election meetings. I do not give a damn about this. Or about the various corporates and dodgy hedge fund managers who bankroll the Tories. The real issue is that the entire political class is venal, corrupt and out of touch.

The battle is not between Labour and Tory or between Call Me Dave and Miliband. It really makes no difference who is in charge. Both accept the ultimate supremacy of the Evil Empire, pander to the moral sensibilities of a metropolitan elite and are happy to see the deficit remain out of control as Britain goes bankrupt every more quickly.  

The battle is between the political classes who are robbing the citizenry, making Airstrip One ever less free while feathering their own nests and the rest of us.

Every time a new expenses scandal emerges or there is another episode of beltway sleaze newspaper columnists (part of the political media beltway class and inveterate expense fiddlers themselves)  write “they still don’t get it do they?”   Er… they never got it and they never will and any pre-election suggestion otherwise is mere pretence.

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3023 days ago

Sir Andrew Murray and Call Me Dave heir to Blair

Well done to a professional sportsman for earning vast amounts of dosh playing Tennis very well. That he hails from a country that has not had a decent male player since 1936 (i.e. Britain) makes the achievement of Andy Murray all the greater. Well done Andy.

However Call Me Dave’s reaction that no-one deserves a knighthood more than (Sir) Andrew is just cringe making. What about the real heroes? Folks who Cameron sends off to Afghanistan or Iraq and come back with their legs blown off? I never understand the honours system – it seems a corrupt way for the political classes to reward donors and lavish praise on folks in a way that appeals to the masses in order to kiss arse for votes.

Okay, give Andy a gong when the gongs are handed out if you must. But talk about it then. Don't just leap on a bandwagon when Murray is hot just to suck up to the electorate in such an overt manner. It is cringeworthy.

The war criminal demeaned honours with his populist touch. Cameron is, as ever, the true heir to Blair.

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3023 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Monday – Animal Farm Edition

Comrades!" he cried. "You do not imagine, I hope, that we pigs are doing this in a spirit of selfishness and privilege? Many of us actually dislike milk and apples. I dislike them myself. Our sole object in taking these things is to preserve our health. Milk and apples (this has been proved by Science, comrades) contain substances absolutely necessary to the well-being of a pig. We pigs are brainworkers. The whole management and organization of this farm depend on us. Day and night we are watching over your welfare. It is for YOUR sake that we drink that milk and eat those apples.

Squealer, Animal Farm by George Orwell

In that spirit I bring you evidence of how those leading lights among those elected to serve us spent the weekend sitting in the best seats at Wimbledon at no cost to themselves. 

My caption for this picture is

Miliband, Call Me Dave and that fat Scottish git saying “taxpayers, you do not imagine that we are in the best seats at Wimbledon at your expense because we like expensive freebies. In fact we all hate tennis and free drink. But supporting Andy Murray, it has been proved by scientists, makes us more able to deal with the deficit, problems in Syria, immigration and the EU. It is for your sake that we are here.”

If you have a better caption please post it in the comments section below.

Last week I asked you for your captions for this picture of five of those fine fellows that William Hague wishes to send guns to, assuming they are not back in Britain at the time beheading soldiers or blowing up buses.

 

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3029 days ago

Nick Clegg is Right and the Moralising Tories repel me

Go back to bed and take an aspirin, I fear that I find myself agreeing 100% with Nick Clegg who for once shows himself as a true liberal. Meanwhile the Tory party nauseates me. The issue is tax breaks for married couples.

Call Me Dave has already pledged to hand out £150 a year in tax breaks to folks who opt to get married. But some of his more reactionary colleagues in Westminster (step forward Tim Loughton MP and Peter Bone) want the number to be £2,000. The Tory party is split on how much should be handed out to one section of society who have made a lifestyle choice of which they approve but they wish to use money paid for by every sort of taxpayer to fund those who follow this moral path.

Clegg may support Secret Courts, gagging the press and various other appallingly illiberal measures but on this one he is bang on the money. Government should never seek to use money taken from all sections of society to bribe people to follow one lifestyle course of which they approve purely on moral grounds.

If I suggested that there should be tax breaks for those men who frequented gay bathhouses to have sex with complete strangers you would think me mad.

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3031 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday - Syria Madness Edition

I was tempted to lead on the news that a Tory MP who I had never heard of was given a standing ovation and embraced warmly at a meeting of his local association this week. For saying that the EU was a joke? That he believed in low taxes, reform of the welfare state or that he took a tough line on law and order? Be serious this is Call Me Dave's new look Tory Party and so it could only be one thing...Daniel Kawczynski outed himself as the UK's first openly bisexual MP. Great..like we give a damn who you shag but it would be kind of pleasing if you could cut the deficit/stand up to the EU, etc.

Now if an MP were to out himself as the UK's first MP not to fiddle his expenses that really would be something. Anyhow it has made Dave Cameron happy. Whatever. But instead I turn to red blooded heterosexual MP William Hague, aka the foreign secretary who would like to be a real macho man ( a great song by those other neo-Cons the YMCA) and get us all involved in the war in Syria. Wow after all the success we have had with our interventions in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and Egypt (in flames this weekend) lets make it five straight wins and send lots of weapons (paid for by the UK Money Tree) off to the Islamofascist rebels in Syria.

Please post your captions to this picture in the comments section below by 9 AM on Friday.



For what it is worth my entry is:

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3057 days ago

Tory MP wanted threesome with his lesbian housekeeper - tribunal told

You could not make this up…Call Me Dave’s Conservative party is not having a good week. Patrick Mercer MP is caught taking bribes, there is the Downing Street Sex Scandal but it gets better. A Tory MP (named only as Mr P) and his wife ( Mrs P) are up before an industrial tribunal. Their former housekeeper was a lesbian who had just split up with her partner. She claims that Mr & Mrs P made explicit sex moves on her and wanted a three in a bed session in their South Coast home. She was not interested and is now suing for constructive dismissal in an industrial tribunal which is underway as I write.

In case there is a God, I am fervently praying that a) the housekeeper wins and b) Mr P voted against gay marriage and has made a stack of statements about personal morality, getting back to basics, etc. Whatever one says about Call Me Dave’s Conservative party it is providing great entertainment at the moment.

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3057 days ago

Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson what a strange affair in Downing Street

My old pal Dan Levi named the Downing Street shaggers on his website last night and so since we are both being sued elsewhere (by a cesspit oil company Sefton) for libel I am happy to stand in the dock with him again and also name them. As it happens numerous other websites and folks on twitter have done the same so it will be a packed Court.

I am Spartacus and I hope others will today be Spartacus forcing Cameron to come clean and admit what vast numbers of people already know.

The Government has bullied the mainstream media into silence by suggesting that revealing this may prejudice the forthcoming trials of Brooks and Coulson. Both face separate charges in relation to phone hacking. I fail to see why allegations that the two were shagging is relevant to that.

The reason the Government and David Cameron personally is terrified about this appearing is that he appointed Coulson as his spin doctor in chief instead of a safer pair of hands from the BBC on the advice of….the charming Rebekah. Rebekah was a good pal of his, lending him her horse to ride as they partied together in rural Oxfordshire. LOL.

And of course Rebekah’s lawyer is….David Cameron’s big brother Alex.

Cameron looks like a buffoon with incredibly poor judgment. Chatting to Christopher Booker about this yesterday we remarked how this seemed eerily reminiscent of the last days of the MacMillan Government. An out of touch elite just cannot help but make itself look dirty and shabby as well as incompetent. While the Country faces appalling problems, Tory MPs like Patrick Mercer take bribes and then “do the honourable thing” and stay in Westminster trousering salary + expenses for another two years and Call Me Dave tries to hush up an episode which makes his judgment look incredibly poor.

The honourable thing for Call Me Dave to do is to make a personal statement: “these are the facts, I made an error of judgment for which I apologise – I was hoodwinked, and regret it all.”

If he did that I suspect many of us might almost feel sorry for him. Trying to hush up something that, by the weekend, even crofters married to their cousins on otherwise uninhabited Scottish islands will know, arouses only contempt.

Parliament works for us not the other way round...or had you forgotten that Dave?

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3058 days ago

Downing Street Affair - Have you figured it out yet? Surely you have

Call Me Dave is still trying to gag the press with legal threats. But if you have not noticed the odd giveaway on twitter, Guido Fawkes is giving you some bloody obvious clues as the the two folks involved in the Downing Street Affair.

Yes, sitting in a quiet side street in a sleepy Warwickshire town I know the names. I am amazed if everyone else does not. For the avoidance of doubt David Cameron is not one of those who were shagging away from home. But...

If one looks at the link to the original Guido story the image of the Mail on Sunday splash has the letters ACRB.png on it. How odd.

If one looks at the unfunny cartoon on Guido's website today you will see that it contains the letters LOL - famously Cameron thought this meant Lots of Love when texting which individual currently facing trial?  Laugh Out Loud. What can he mean by this?

Figured out Guido's ACRB reference yet? So who is the other half? He was apparently working in a highly sensitive position within Downing Street at the time of the affair. He is not now. It is the timing of the affair that is most difficult for Call Me Dave to deal with - that is why it is explosive.

I was chatting to a journalist today. Had my phone been hacked you would have heard us discussing the implications of this all.

In the old days the News of the World would haved printed it all.

Call Me Dave really needs to just come clean and deal with it as his attempts to keep a lid on this are making him look ever more ridiculous.

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3059 days ago

My busiest day ever on TomWinnifrith.com & the Downing Street Affair – asking Sir George

It seems as if Sunday 2nd June 2013 was the busiest day in the history of this blog – a happy first anniversary. More than 42,000 page impressions in one day is about the same as I enjoyed in the whole of the first eight weeks of this site.  Of course I know that it is nothing to do with this being my first anniversary and all to do with those magic words #DowningStreetAffair.

Right now I sit onboard the 21.42 from Paddington heading for a few days with my father and step mother, the arch deluded lefties of Shipston on Stour. I appeared to be in everyone’s good books for volunteering to baby sit for step sister Flea on Wednesday.  As an added benefit, by the time I had volunteered she already had another offer and so I am off the hook.

However I now appear to have regained evil son status by suggesting that my Step Mother phones her brother Sir George Young asking him for his take on the Downing Street affair. Apparently this was not considered funny – I was only kidding.

Apparently I am still suspected of selling some story about “wicked Uncle George” (being a Tory he is naturally considered wicked in my family) to Private Eye about 20 years ago. On that occasion I was blameless. But I suspect folks are right not to bank on my discretion were Sir George to spill the beans. Not that most of us won’t already know all by the morning as twitter and the foreign press force Call Me Dave to come clean.

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3059 days ago

The Downing Street Affair – Cameron is dreaming if he tries to gag the story

We now all know that the two folks who had an affair that Dave Cameron reckons could rock his Government are a) a man and a woman ( hence no Lib Dems involved), b) both Tories, c) both married, d) both reasonably well known ( another reason no Lib Dems involved) and neither is currently in the cabinet.

Both have already been named in internet speculation although most folks have not got a perfect match yet. It is however only a matter of time before the twittersphere or a foreign paper has this all out in the open. Yet Cameron reckons that using the British Courts to silence UK Newspapers might stop this coming out.

Sorry Dave, I know this is painful but you might as well come clean now. Being seen to try to cover it all up will not help. I know the revelations will be painful for innocent parties but you really have no choice.

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3060 days ago

The Number 10 Downing Street Sex Scandal...back to basics

It appears that two middle aged senior political figures (both married) have been shagging each other. The affair has now ended. The Daily Mail has the story and knows the names but cannot print them for “legal reasons.”  Call Me Dave is said to be shit scared as this is explosive and will apparently blow him off course. Er …what course?

Given that the political class contains a good few closet homosexuals we should not assume that this affair involves any women. A few of the Cabinet, like Sir George Young, are too old to be runners and riders in the great Downing Street sex scandal. But elsewhere who knows?  

Cash for questions, back to basics sex scandals it is right back to 1995…all we need now is a new single from Oasis and a battle with the next release from Blur.

Footnote: Apparently there are some heterosexuals in the Westminster village. Iain Dale ( not one of them) assures us that it is a man and a woman involved.

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3066 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday – Tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime issue

As we all know Call Me Dave is keen on appealing to core Conservatives voters. Hence welfare spending is up, the deficit is out of control, we have no vote on the EU, gay marriage is a core issue, etc. But at least we know one thing. The Conservatives are the party of law & order. In Call Me Dave’s Britain we are tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime. Not trivial issues but the sorts of crime that really has us all worried.

As such I bring you a picture this week of one hardened villain caught red handed with the weapon of intent. If you are at this stage lost read more here.

Tough cheese there is no prize for the wittiest caption for the picture below just glory.



For what it’s worth my entry is:

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3071 days ago

The Greed of the Political Class – MPs again troughing it

We are all in it together said Call Me Dave as he warned us about life in austerity Britain.  But some, it appears, are more equal than others. In a rare display of solidarity, the political class is united in deciding that the basic pay of MP’s has to increase from £65,000 to £75,000. We all know there are numerous other perks.

We also know that for every seat that is remotely winnable that is an enormous line of potential applicants to fight that seat for the main parties. Would that line be any shorter if there was no pay rise? Of course not. So this is not about “attracting the right talent.” This is about a venal and corrupt political class, which does not give a damn about the views or problems of we plebs, has bugger all experience of life outside the Westminster bubble and which is happy to extract as much cash from the taxpayer as it can.

After UKIP’s spectacular success in the local elections the political class all said they would start to listen. And a few weeks later they show once again that they do not give a damn.

Incidentally would UKIP be any better? I doubt it. How about a manifest pledge from Farage: reduce the number of MPs by 50% at once by merging seats and reverse this pay rise for the ones that remain? That would show that UKIP is listening and really is different.

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3078 days ago

The weekly video (non financial) postcard Number 1

As of now there are two weekly video postcards. Over on www.shareprophets.com my financial postcard went live yesterday. It covers the markets, investor delusion and Quindell.

Here on TomWinnifrith.com there is the non financial video postcard which covers the EU, Call Me Dave but focusses in on why cutting foreign aid to Somalia ( not increasing it) would be good news for most Somalis and all Britains. Why foreign aid helps no-one bar criminals and guilty liberal elites.

 

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3086 days ago

David Cameron The Downfall ( c/o UKIP ) spoof video

Another day and another "Downfall parody". This time it is Call Me Dave in the comedy spotlight as he contemplates his humiliation at the hands of UKIP.

It is not bad at all.

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3089 days ago

UKIP Triumphs – Does it Mean Anything?

As I sit at Bristol Temple Meads preparing to head up to London it is 8.30 AM and just 7 of 34 councils have declared the local results from last night. But already it is clear that the ONLY clear winner is UKIP. There is little doubt that Nigel Farage’s party will make further big gains from the other 27 counts and that it is a triumph. But does it mean much? 

The results are pretty spectacular given that four years ago UKIP stood in few of these seats. In other words they have come from nowhere. As things stand UKIP is on 42 seats (level pegging with Labour) and a net 42 ahead. The Tories are 66 down, the Lib Dems 15 down and Labour 30 ahead. Where UKIP has stood it has averaged 27% of the vote and should gain c20% overall – well ahead of the Lib Dems and not far behind Labour. 

So what does it mean? The easy calls first. 

Together with its abject result in the South Shields by-election (the worst by a major party since 1948) the locals are a disaster for Nick Clegg and the Lib Dems. There will be yet more angry beardy weirdies

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3093 days ago

Piss off Kenneth Clarke you old Euromaniac fool – UKIP bashing

Just for the avoidance of doubt I am not a UKIP party member and will not be voting at all on May 2nd. However I cannot say that I am put off UKIP by Tory Grandee Kenneth Clarke labelling its leaders as clowns and anyone voting for it as a racist. In fact such a pathetic attack merely makes me think even less of Call Me Dave’s Tories and of the fat old fool that is Ken Clarke.

Clarke states that UKIP is largely a protest by folks against the established parties. He may be correct. The established parties have produced a political class which has engaged in systematic expenses fiddling and extraction of ever more cash from the public purse. And on issues such as the EU they are almost united in ignoring the wishes of most voters. They are an out of touch elite. And with his cushy non-executive directorships as a sideline and having supported every doomed Euro project from the ERM to Britain’s membership of the Euro, the fat complacent Clarke is a typical member of that class.

Rightly many of us view the lot of them with contempt. If the political class get a bloody nose from UKIP in largely irrelevant local elections on May 2nd they deserve it.

As it happens I disagree with UKIP on immigration. Listening to Nigel Farage’s speech at UKInvestor Show I winced as he touched on the issue and also on that of gay marriage which I support. My partner (female and British Asian) has real problems with UKIP on these sort of matters and I can understand why.

But the EU is an important matter for me as is the way that the mainstream parties are all committed to pissing away billions on tackling the non-issue of global warming and are failing to tackle the appalling finances of Bankrupt Britain. And I do hold the entire political class in contempt for their corruption. And so

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3102 days ago

Romany Blythe – Pin Up girl of the parasite class

Romany Blythe ( pictured) is my age, 45, and her 15 minutes of fame have arrived thanks to her organising parties to celebrate the death of Margaret Thatcher. That in itself is horrible. But to understand why Romany is such a nasty piece of work look at the story of her adult life.

There is the fact that although she had a well-paid job as a teacher Islington Council gave her a council flat in a pleasant house – a nice mid terrace Victorian job. She took it. She earned more than my staff but they cannot get such housing as they are not defined as “key workers” – they are just scum from the private sector. We shall see how “key” Ms. Blythe is later.

In June 2006 Miss Blythe bought the leasehold of that flat from Islington Council for £141,000.  To fork out that much she must have been earning a bob or two. So why the f**k did she get a Council flat in the first place? Just four years later she sold the North London property for £298,000. If she had sold it within three years she would have had to repay some cash to the council. Again she took.

A few years earlier Miss Blythe had a boob job on the NHS, again she took.

And now with her new (large) boobs and the money she trousered from the council flat sale she works as a drama teacher with a workshop company that is paid by daft local councils to visit secondary schools. She specialises in ‘facilitating workshops for young, excluded and potentially criminalised individuals and uses drama techniques she has developed to explore resolution of conflict and oppression.’ Sounds a bit different to the three Rs. Basically she poisons the minds of the young and fills their head with crap and the State pays her to do this. She takes again.

This ghastly creature has never generated a cent in wealth for society. She is the sort who believes that the “money tree” can fund a society where all have rights and no-one (except wicked bankers, evil Tories, disgusting capitalists, etc.) has obligations.  She is the pin up girl for the parasite class.

The Romany Blythe’s of this world, Guardian reading members of the middle classes are tied at the hip to the Heather Frost’s – the trash who live as pure welfare parasites from cradle to grave. Both classes have continued to grow in size under this coalition leaving ever fewer folks out there to create the wealth and generate the taxes to pay for it all.  Those who are treated most unfairly in this brave New World are the poor who work and pay tax. They fund folks who do not work ( or who do crap non jobs like Romany) and who then get so much in state hand-outs that they can live in better houses/have a greater disposable income etc. than the workers who pick up the tab.

Margaret Thatcher understood the inequity of this. The heir to Blair, Call Me Dave just does not get it.

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3112 days ago

MPs troughing it again on Thatcher Debate – disgrace: she’d be appalled

Margaret Thatcher was adamant that she did not want a flypast by the RAF at her funeral. She said that was a waste of money. Money, she always said was the taxpayers cash and should not be wasted. She would thus be horrified to hear that Call Me Dave has said that greedy MP’s can claim up to £3,750 in expenses to attend a special Parliamentary debate in her honour. If they want to attend fine. They damn well should. But not at the expense of taxpayers.

Millions of those who pay the taxes that funds the swine who trough at Westminster will be paying our own way to the funeral, to mark our respects. We may be travelling to London or taking time off work or booking a hotel room or whatever and that is our call. It is our money.  What will this debate achieve? Nothing. What will it waste? Cash. Taxpayer’s cash.

Cameron’s mind-set with regard to who extricating cash from the great unwashed and wasting it shows once again that he is the heir to Blair and not to the Iron Lady.

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3117 days ago

Cameron heir to Blair – you could not make it up

David Cameron has told reporters that North Korean nuclear missilies could hit Britain. There is of course absolutely no evidence for this at all. Unless those missiles are launched from France. And even then while North Korea has missiles and an A-Bomb there is no evidence that it has the technology to put a big one together with a missile.

And so Cameron is lying about the threat to the UK from a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Gosh that rings a bell or two.  Oh yes… Cameron’s bogus claim is to support the idea that Britain need a replacement for Trident, its independent nuclear missiles.  And it was is hero the war criminal Blair who famously claimed that Iraqi WMD posed a 45 minute threat to Britain. As the late poor Dr Kelly knew then and we know now that was a lie.

Perhaps Call Me Dave could rope in his mentor’s press secretary Bad Al Campbell to create a dossier to back up his claims?

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3121 days ago

What Cyprus actually means – the New post Euro Order

Cyprus is a small island and it was easy to ignore or play down events at first but the situation is now out of control. We live in a new world order, the post Cyprus order and you need to wake up to the reality of that fast.

The Euro was never an economic project. It was a political one. And as such the “believers” brushed aside any economic objections and sought to ensure that everyone joined the club. Some countries were not fit to join (Portugal, Eire Spain, Italy, France, Greece, and Cyprus) but that mattered little. The leaders of those countries and the ECB agreed to lie in order to gain entry. 

This was a concerted lie by the political elites across Europe – a class distinct from the folks they nominally represent. And so today as the Euro collapses the political elites of Poland, Rumania and elsewhere are still applying to sign up. Hey, I know the Titanic is going down but is there any chance of me jumping off a floating currency lifeboat and getting on board your fine vessel? Madness.

And one reason that it is madness is that we have no idea how Cyprus will play out. The initial plans for state bank robbery have been shelved and so if you have less than 100,000 Euros in your bank account that money is, pro tem, safe. But it is impossible to withdraw it in more than small tranches. If you have more you will lose some of it. Perhaps 40% or 60% or potentially all of it.  The idea that bondholders should lose everything if a bank fails seems fair to me. The idea that depositors should lose cash is just obscene.

What will be the effects?

For one you will see a growing scandal of how the political elite looked after its own and its friends.

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3124 days ago

Could UKIP win the South Shields by-election?

Well anything is possible. The uber talented chanteuse Ms Cheryl Cole could be walking down my street right now to ask me out for a hot date.  Frankly that is more likely than Labour losing a seat that has never been anything but Labour. But miracles can happen. Hang on… there is someone at the door.

Pizza delivery. Wrong address. Not Cheryl. Drat.

The results last time were Labour 52%, Tory 22%, Lib Dems 14%, BNP 7%, others (not including UKIP 5%). Following Rotherham and the national trends my assumptions would be:

Various others including the BNP and the Lib Dems get 10% between them. The Lib Dems will come somewhere between 5th and 8th on another night of abject humiliation for Nick Clegg. The BNP will not achieve much.  At least Clegg’s memory these days seems to be so poor when it comes to hearing painful news (Rennard, Huhne, Hancock) that he will soon be able to forget about leading his party to another electoral caning.

The Tory vote will slump. Call Me Dave has done his utmost to piss off traditional Tories (I am amazed that there were so many in South Shields, wherever it is, last time) and voters will tactically switch to the best placed party that might just run Labour close, i.e. UKIP. The Tories will get 10% of the vote ( + or – 3%). I suspect the – is more likely than the + - it will be a dire night for Call Me Dave as May 2nd also sees local elections in which the Tories will get thrashed. There will be stacks of very angry ex Tory councillors on May 3rd.

And so on the face of it, if the Labour vote held steady then that would see UKIP on 30% and Labour on 52%. But….

South Shields looks to be the sort of grim Northern shit hole that Labour takes for granted. Its voters there are working class and one suspects that their views on immigration, Europe and a range of other issues are not exactly the sort aired by Ed Miliband and his pals at Islington dinner parties. Besides which this by election is caused by Dave Miliband pissing off to New York to earn loads of wonga. Talk about treating your poor constituents with contempt. That makes the circumstances a touch unusual.

And so my guess is that there will be some shift from Labour to UKIP (as there was in Rotherham and Eastleigh) and also from Labour to “not voting at all as you are all wankers.”

UKIP has nothing to lose here. If it gets 30% and comes second (from nowhere) that is a triumph. But I have a sneaking feeling that it could do rather better than that. It is currently 17-1 to win and I am tempted to have a tiny flutter.  Anything is possible. Hang on... is that the doorbell I hear ringing again?

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3125 days ago

S&U Full Year Numbers – look at the dividend flows

Shares in fully-listed S&U plc (LSE:SUS), the niche home credit and motor finance provider in the UK was a stock that I tipped on my Nifty Fifty service at an offer price of 839.5p in November. Following the publication of results the other day they now trade at 975p-1020p. The spread is wide enough to drive one of mad Ken Livingstone’s bendy buses through but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. But at this price? Look at the dividends.

The chairman of S&U is Anthony Coombs a former Tory MP who is far too much of a real Conservative to have much to do with Call Me Dave’s hapless Government. And thus Coombs starts his comment on S&U’s results with the observation that

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3131 days ago

UKIP Gets First London Councillor – Tories Connecting with blue collar workers

I see that UKIP has its first elected London councillor last night in Havering. I cannot say that I read anything into it and for that matter I cannot say that I know where Havering is. Is it a real place? Whatever. I note that the Tories came a dismal third. Much has been made of how Call Me Dave needs to reconnect with blue collar voters.

Without wishing to sound like a bit of an inverse snob I just note how Dave’s standard bearer as he appeals to working class folk in Havering was a Mr Marcus Christian Sebastian Llewellyn-Rothschild. I wonder which grim council estate he grew up on?

 

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3135 days ago

A free press will today be killed by a corrupt elite – but freedom will thrive online

Today the three party leaders will sit down and agree to ever tighter controls on the press. Assuming that he is not getting a blow job from a hooker at the time, Hugh Grant will then invoke the name of Milly Dowler and a 300 year tradition of a free press will draw to a close.

If you trust your politicians to behave with honesty and integrity that is perhaps fine. If you are happy for celebs like Grant to give you the hard sell on their latest movies or useless designer products without knowing why their public image is a sham that is again fine. If you are happy for scandals involving taxpayers cash being wasted, paedophile rings run within local councils and at the BBC to stay hidden and protected, then that is fine.

I suspect that none of us are happy that scandal and corruption will now become harder to expose. I am not.

The established press has done itself no favours. Phone hacking was a disgrace. It was also illegal under existing laws. There is no need for a new law to (in due course) get the collar of Piers Moron and others felt. And the press/Westminster cosy club

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3136 days ago

Bethan Tichborne Deluded Lefty – but (ref Voltaire) I stand with you so: David Cameron you have blood your hands

Bethan Tichborne is a prize deluded lefty. This 28 year old attended a demonstration in Oxfordshire against Call Me Dave and the wiucked Tory cuts (i.e. public spending going up) and carried a placard which stated that Cameron had “blood in his hands” for cutting spending on folks with disabilities. She appears to have shouted the same message to Dave.

And she has now been accused and found guilty of using threatening words or behaviour likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress. Judge Tim Pattinson said when convicted Bethan that her comments that Cameron "had blood on his hands" could "hardly be more insulting to anyone, whether a politician or not".

Bethan also tried to climb a barrier at which point the Police allegedly beat her up. I shall take that one with a pinch of salt.

Bethan and I disagree violently on cutting benefits. I do not think Call Me Dave has blood on his hands on this count. Bethan is wrong. But, on the Voltaire principle I also believe in free speech and it is quite disgraceful that she was arrested, charged and convicted for making a politically motivated comment. I am not sure where Bethan stands on the Iraq war but I believe that for that Tony Blair certainly has blood on his hands for that episode. In a free society we have to be allowed to make such comments.

The case of Bethan Tichborne suggests that life in Airstrip One is ever less free.

Just to make my point I shall tweet this article to David Cameron. @David_Cameron – Mr Cameron you have blood on your hands. PS you are a spineless and hopeless Prime Minister to boot. Bring back Maggie.

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3149 days ago

Scumbag Tories in Grantham betray Margaret Thatcher

64 days ago I wrote of my visit, no pilgrimage, to Grantham, the birthplace of Margaret Thatcher, the most remarkable Prime Minister of the last century, if not of all times. Grantham is an unremarkable little town and it is Thatcher that is the only reason to put it on the map. Yet there is no statue to this great woman in the town and that is something Labour councillors wished to rectify. Yes, you read that correctly. Well done the people’s party.

Yet when it came to the vote on a Tory run council not one conservative voted in favour of the idea. Are they ashamed to honour the greatest leader of their party and the most famous person from their town? Do they not appreciate the economic advantages of talking up Thatcher town in terms of attracting increased visitors? Or are they Call Me Dave Tories who would rather spend the cash on a statue of Tony Blair or a new centre for hosting civil partnerships/helping Romanian immigrants claim benefits/windmill on the town hall roof?

If you find yourself in the Grim North and wish to visit Grantham you too can – as I did nine weeks ago – stand outside the small corner shop where Lady Thatcher was born and grew up, with just one small plaque on the wall to note this fact. And if you see a local Tory councillor while you are there remember to kick his stick away and tell him why he is a total scumbag.

Tom in front of shop

Maggie plaque

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3152 days ago

Eastleigh: The Message for Call Me Dave on a night of UKIP Glory, Lib Dem Relief and Tory Humiliation

The Lib Dems held on but UKIP was surging. A couple more days and UKIP would have snatched it. In the end it was wasted Tory votes that let the Lib Dems in as Call Me Dave’s party came third in what is his 40th target seat. Labour was always irrelevant here, its own disaster is not an issue.

The Lib Dems will be greatly relieved to have held onto what should be one of their safest seats albeit in very tough circumstances: Chris Huhne off to do porridge and the current sex scandal. For now Clegg hangs on but if he is shown to have lied about his knowledge in the sex pest cover up he may still face the chop. This is not the start of a Lib Dem recovery, Rennardgate may well still drag that party to Thorpe style lows.

UKIP is now coming second in both leafy southern towns like Eastleigh but also GMSH’s like Rotherham. There is a growing disgust with the entire political class and UKIP is the big winner from that. All the established parties should be worried but they are so arrogant and out of touch that the corrupt establishment will not change tack.

But the big losers right now are the Tories. As long as Call Me Dave stays as Tory leader it is only a matter of time before UKIP gains an MP. For the Tories are in trouble.

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3157 days ago

Call Me Dave Cameron wrong on Inheritance Tax and Wrong on Paying for Care

This article first appeared in my bi-weekly free Tomograph newsletter. I guess it now merits a wider audience. If you would like more of the same sent to you by email (including a free share tip in the midweek issue) sign up HERE. In the old days when the Conservative party was led by a proper Tory ( i.e. Margaret Thatcher) it used to believe that the individual should be given the freedom to take responsibility for himself or herself. That meant the State not relieving you of too much money but also not being expected to cosset you, but providing a safety net for those who genuinely needed it. Those days are gone.

We saw this in dramatic form this week as Call Me Dave scrapped plans to increase the IHT threshold but at the same time caved in on giving more state funding for residential care for the elderly. He was wrong ( as per usual) on both counts, pandering to the electorate and in so trashing further any idea that he is a man of true conservative principle.

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3157 days ago

Think the unthinkable – UKIP might just win Eastleigh – worth a flutter at 11/2

The Lib Dems are still likely to win Eastleigh. If they do not, given that every councillor there is a Lib Dem and it is a Lib Dem seat then Nick Clegg is in deep trouble. It may well be that the cover-up over the Lord Rennard sex scandal is only a secondary worry although that will get very nasty as well. But at 11/2 UKIP is now worth a flutter. Think the unthinkable: UKIP might just win the by-election caused by Chris Huhne’s imminent fast track to prison.

A Populus poll shows Lib Dem 33%, Con 28% UKIP 21% ( but surging). However that assumes that undecided voters are reallocated on the basis of how the seat voted at the last General Election. That was a whole different ball game. Without that fiddle it is 31 (sex pest party), 26% ( hopeless party of Government), 25% UKIP.

Labour are on the low to mid teens and since the Labour candidate ( the one who supported the Argies in 1982 and wanted the IRA to kill Thatcher) is a prize loon, his vote could well slide far further. Labour voters in Eastleigh are not bourgeois Islington lefties who think the UKIP are unspeakably horrid but traditional working class voters who believe in hard work and have no truck with the EU, unrestricted Romanian immigration etc. They really should vote UKIP anyway and if they see UKIP as a chance to kick the wicked coalition in the goolies they may well switch. No: they are switching it is just a matter of how many more come over in the final few days.

If UKIP can pick up a few more percentage points from Labour ( and it is gaining support from all three parties) then life gets very interesting. It is hard to see the Lib Dem vote hardening in the final few days as the sex scandal widens and deepens and nothing the hopeless Government does these days does anything to attract those who should be core Tory voters. If it is anything the Tory party is meant to be the one that gets the economy right. And on Friday the UK lost its AAA rating as the credit agencies finally twigged that UK public finances are a mess and that things are not getting better.

A separate Survation phone poll has it as: Con 33, Lib Dem 29, UKIP 21, Lab 13 but again if you do not do the reallocation fiddle UKIP is up on 25 with this time the sex pests in second on 26, and the Tories on 29. The same arguments apply here. It is abundantly clear that this contest is a three way battle. Labour support is slipping steadily ( all to UKIP) and Nigel Farage et al must also think that in the next few days they can also pick up Lib Dems and Tories as well.

It will not change the world, but a UKIP win would be disastrous news for both Call Me Dave ( giving credibility to a party which believes in the sort of things the Tory party once believed in) and also for Clegg in that if the safest Lib Dem seat in England is lost what hope does his party have of avoiding electoral wipe-out in 2015.

At 11/2 it is worth a flutter. It might just happen.

And as I noted before, a UKIP vote is in fact the ONLY sane and honourable vote in Eastleigh. .

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3159 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – How Heather Frost spends your taxes edition. Giddy Up

I sense that Heather Frost, the welfare scrounger who breeds like a rabbit and says that a new free £400,000 eco mansion may not be good enough for her has made one or two of us want to vent a bit. I am sure that you have not forgotten the story here.

As such while I was tempted to run a photo of Call Me Dave in his new Indian headgear instead I bring you a picture of what Ms Frost spends £200 a month of YOUR money on. No it is not a juror in the Chris Huhne trial (far too bright for that) it is her horse.

The prize for the wittiest caption posted in the comments section below is am Its Time to Leave T-shirt. You can, of course, buy your very own It’s Time to Leave T-shirt here.

For what it is worth my entry is:

“It’s not just Dobbin who is being taken for a ride every day of the week by Heather Frost”

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3159 days ago

Almost poetic day after global warming arch nutter caves - its snowing in Clerkenwell

I feel it is almost poetic. It is less than 24 hours since the king of the Global Warming Nutters ‘fessed up and admitted that the world had not got any colder for 17 years ( see here ). I am still celebrating that capitulation from the old crook Rajenda Pachauri and as I gaze out of the window at Real Man Pizza Company, the snow is falling gently on Clerkenwell. It is almost poetic. I am so glad thatI did not throw away all my winter woolies when Al Gore.Chris Huhne/Call Me Dave and the other nutters told me that winters were a thing of the past.

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3160 days ago

The World’s biggest global warming nutter, Rajendra Pachauri, admits the world is not warming

The UN’s climate change chief, Rajendra Pachauri, who has made a personal fortune peddling this bogus science of the back of bogus data has today ‘fessed up to the inconvenient truth. Dr P has admitted that there has now been a 17-year pause in global temperature rises, confirmed recently by Britain’s Met Office.
But Dr P is undeterred and insists that this pause needs to last “30 to 40 years at least” to break the long-term global warming trend. That is prize crap on two grounds.

1. The world got colder 1939 to 1976. It then got hotter 1976 to 1995 ( a spell of 19 years). In other words on the basis of 19 years warming you can demand wholesale changes in the behaviour of humankind but to prove a reversal of a trend you need 40 years? Put another way, in the past 73 years we have has just one 19 year spell of warming as opposed to cooling. What is the trend and what is the blip?

2. The changes and vast expenses we all face as a results of demands made by the global warming nutters were based on computer programmes that predicted clear and linear warming from 1995 onwards directly linked to carbon emissions. Carbon emissions have carried on increasing. The world has not got hotter. The programmes have been wrong 17 years out of 17 so far. So why would anyone sane place any bets on their 50 and 100 year predictions being correct?

At least we see one sinner starting to repent. Who next? Al Gore? The BBC? The EU, Polly Toynbee? Chris Huhne? Call Me Dave? Line up, line up.

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3161 days ago

The Vanity of Boris Johnson and that EU cash

Like all politicians Boris Johnson likes signing off on big grandiose projects. He looks good at the opening ceremony. The ego is swollen. And heck he is not paying. I have noted before (here ) how BoJo has rather lost the plot in advocating that a bankrupt Government swells its deficit for “capital projects”. So far the Labour party has rejected his leadership application. But now in small detail we see one of Bojo’s little “capital projects” for London unravelling in a most embarrassing fashion

I refer to the £60 million cable car which links the Greenwich Peninsular to the Excel Centre. It was promised that this obvious folly would be self-funding thanks to passenger fares. Oh dear. Check out the graph below. It does not seem like many folks are using it. And apparently it is now pissing away £50,000 a week of taxpayers’ money off to money heaven.

So who will rescue BoJo? Well it is unlikely to be his non-pal Call Me Dave. Who likes pissing away cash big time? Yes, of course. Someone once said:

The EU budget will never be properly policed because the cash doesn’t properly belong to any nation — it belongs to “everybody”. And since it belongs to everybody, each individual country cynically reasons that there isn’t that much harm if its own citizens quietly loot as much of it as they reasonably can.

Very wise. Who was that? Oh.. A Mr Boris Johnson. And so later this year Bojo will be picking up a cheque for £8 million from the European Regional Development Fund. Bingo. Happy days. How exactly does this encourage sustainable development? Er… as Boris would say…cripes..that’s a bit of a beastly question. You stinker.

It is simply another white elephant conceived by a vain politician being bailed out with taxpayers cash. Well done Boris. What with your new found love for the EU you become an ever more credible party leader every day. That is of the Labour party.

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3164 days ago

Video Postcard Number 28

A new location – I hope that the sound and picture are okay. I think I have got it nailed. Anyhow here it is.

On the Agenda
1. The poverty of quality oil stocks in London
2. Ditto mining sshares
3. Why the AIM system is bust
4. How it can be reformed
5. Searching out quality investments in the UK
6. New tips from myself and Steve Moore on Nifty Fifty.
7. The failures of Call Me Dave

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3165 days ago

Mary Portas, Peppa Pig and the spin obsessed Idiots (yes you Call Me Dave) who run Britain

One of the early initiatives of our pathetic Government was to bring in Mary Portas to “save the High Street.” Amid great fanfare £1.2 million of taxpayers cash was handed to 12 flagship local authorities to fight this brave battle. And now we discover what has happened.

Most of the cash has remained unspent. The cash that has been spent appears to have gone largely on consultation exercises, newspaper adverts and in one case in hiring a man to walk around dressed as Peppa Pig. In other words it has either been pissed away or not spent. What a frigging surprise.

If you want people to use shops more you tax them less so that they have a greater disposable income and will allocate the money they earn as they wish. If you want money to be spent in the most inefficient way possible you give it to someone else to spend, preferable someone with not a commercial brain cell in his or her brain employed by Local Government.

That is the stupidity of this. But the worse crime is vanity.

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3166 days ago

Friday Caption Contest: Heir to the War Criminal Edition

In the week that David Cameron decided that the middle classes deserve to be taxed twice so that the State can pay for care that folks are capable of affording themselves we have to honour the leader of the SDP, oops I meant Conservative Party. All he needs to do now is to start an illegal war or two and accept some dodgy donations to party coffers and he would be the true heir to Tony Blair.

I gather that “Don’t blame me I voted for David Davis” T-shirts are now a collector’s item. As folks increasingly wonder what exactly is the point of the Conservative Party I ask you to offer up captions for this picture. The winner will receive an “It’s Time to Leave” T-shirt which you can also order (along with the mug & hoodie) here.

For what it is worth my caption entry is:

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3168 days ago

Register now for the Midweek Tomograph out before 4 PM Today - EU and Scotland referenda + free share tip issue

Just a reminder that my Tomograph Newsletter goes out bi-weekly and the Wednesday shares edition containing that free share tip.

It will be out by 4 PM today and will also include an article on the double Standards of Call Me Dave on the Scotland and EU referenda & on the Philpott Trial and what it says about the mess that is the welfare state.

Want that free share tip plus an Editor’s Choice of the best of the past week plus these two exlusive articles? There won’t be a link on the site!

The only way to get all of that is to

REGISTER HERE

Planned delivery time on Wednesday is 4 PM.

Tom

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3169 days ago

Ten things I am giving up for Lent & 10 things Chris Huhne will be giving up

Me first. How is this for restraint? I shall be giving up:

1. Reading the Guardian
2. Writing nice articles about Call Me Dave, New Labour and Chris Huhne
3. Giving money to the RSPCA
4. Thinking about stopping smoking or drinking less
5. Believing in global warming
6. Agreeing with the spin put out by the BBC News team
7. Cheering when Millwall or Spurs win at football
8. Campaigning for Britain to join the Euro
9. Tipping shares in Sefton Resources
10. Listening to new music produced by David Bowie

Ten Things Chris Huhne will be giving up for lent

1-7 – living in one of his houses
8. Having sex with bisexuals (well, female bisexuals anyway)
9.Using the Trouser Press he claimed on MP’s expenses
10. Driving any of his cars at any speed

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3172 days ago

The Cameron EU Budget Cut is a Lie

David Cameron tells us that he has secured a deal which will ensure that the maximum the EU is allowed to spend between 2014 and 2020 is lower than in the previous seven years – that he has secured budget cuts. This is a lie. And here is why.

The headlines look impressive. The total number falls from £994 billion in commitments (how much the EU is allowed to spend) in the 2007-13 period to £952 billion next time around. Great. Well done Dave. But then look at the fine print and GNI ( essentially inflation since there is never any real terms growth in Europe) adjusted numbers. The last budget was originally set at 864 billion Euro. But each year there us an annual locked in GNI adjustment. And so that 994 billion Euro number is adjusted for 2011 prices.

And the 2014-20 numbers will also get adjusted as time goes along and thus you can bet your last pound that the total number by the time we reach 2020 will be way over a trillion and way over what is projected now. In other words when Call Me Dave talks about a cut what he in fact means is an almost slam dunk increase. And in absolute terms

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3172 days ago

Friday Caption Contest (on Saturday)- Liar & Criminal Chris Huhne Edition

It could have been Lasagne but that horse has bolted and so, talking of speeding we turn to Chris Huhne, liar and criminal and ex MP. As Mr Huhne awaits his £70,000 pay off (who said that crime does not pay?) and plays with his £600 iPad (claimed on expenses a few days ago) I ask you to provide a caption for this picture

The winner will receive a Chris Huhne Liar! Criminal! t-shirt, which you can also order (along with the mug & hoodie) here.

For what it’s worth my caption is:

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3175 days ago

Am I still boycotting Starbucks?

I do not really like Starbucks coffee. However, when the deluded lefties started boycotting the firm on the grounds that its directors were committing the heinous offence of fulfilling their fiduciary duties perfectly in ensuring that the company paid as little tax as legally possible, I felt a moral duty to show solidarity and drink its plastic offerings. Then Starbucks caved into the lefies and offered up a voluntary tax “donation.” My boycott started.

But where now? The company is showing some spine and warning Call Me Dave (and the lefties) that if it is forced to pay more tax than it legally has to it will – as I warned it would do – curtail UK investment. The political classes who bayed for blood will have their reward: fewer jobs and less PAYE/NI/VAT receipts all round. Such is the sort of victory the lefties have won for Britain.

Pro tem let’s see if Starbucks stands its ground. This may be bluster. The lefties are using its stores again. So for now my boycott continues. If it shows real spine and so triggers another lefty boycott it will at that stage be able to count on at least one new customer. Me.

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3176 days ago

Guest Post: Charlotte Argyle - Is this a man’s world?

For some reason I get called a sexist beast by some folks. And it is not just the odd bird who seems to think this. As such I am delighted to publish a guest post by a woman. This is not affirmative action. Just because the post makes a good point or two although I am not sure why she hails the vile Clinton woman as a role model – try Ann Coulter instead.

The poster is Charlotte Argyle who is from City Future an organisation for young professional Conservatives in the City. For some reason Charlotte thinks that I am not too old to attend an event or two…flattery will get you everywhere but I am not too sure that my views on Call Me Dave would go down that well. Charlotte writes:

100 years ago, Emily Davison threw herself in front of the King’s horse during the Epsom Derby as a suffragette protest. In 1918 the wheels of female equality turned, but the Representation of the People Act was just the beginning of the story. Over the last 100 yrs there have been numerous figures that women could covet when looking for a role model. Some of my personal favourites include Aung San Suu Kyi, Margaret Thatcher, Hillary Clinton and Alek Wek. However the most obvious error in the above statement is the omission of the male of the species: somehow in the quest for female equality the see-saw of opinion has tilted, and now, it is almost an insult to the cause for females to seek afflatus from our XY friends.

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3177 days ago

It's official Chris Huhne MP is a liar and a Criminal. This is UKIP’s big chance

Windfarm and general all round global warming nutter and Lib Dem MP Chris Huhne has for months protested his innocence on the charge of perverting the course of justice – that is to say getting his ex wife to take speeding points for him. Today he has pleaded guilty in Court. So Huhne is not only a liar but will very shortly be a convicted criminal too and, fingers crossed, heading off to gaol. Given that during his period of procrastination and lies he has continued to claim MP’s expenses might this multi millionaire now be required to pay them back? I doubt it. Does he get an MP’s normal payoff? I expect so.

And now we face a by-election in Eastleigh, formerly a Tory/Lib Dem marginal. It is hard not to see the Lib Dem vote collapsing given that they are nationally hated and the circumstances of the contest. In that part of the world Labour is about as popular as the late Jimmy Saville and so UKIP will be licking its lips. There is no threat of “letting Labour in” by voting UKIP in this one-off contest. One imagines that the traditional Tories of Eastleigh are not exactly enthused by the tone of Call Me Dave’s conservatism. And so this may be the day. The odds have to be on a result of Conservative, UKIP, Lib Dem, Labour and then the assorted loons, but you never know. I would imagine that round at UKIP headquarters the excitement is tangible.

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3178 days ago

Mayor Boris Johnson loses the plot – which party is he dying to lead?

This article first appeared in my bi-weekly Tomograph newsletter just over a week ago, but perhaps merits a wider audience. To receive this weekly newsletter with exclusive articles on hot shares, investment and economics plus links to all my articles on 10 US and UK websites click HERE. The London Mayor wants to be the next leader of the Conservative party. He cannot hide his naked ambition. And as such Boris is now issuing populist press releases or sending out messages he thinks will win votes via fawning journalists at every opportunity. His latest effort was just pitiful.

I am not a fan of Call Me Dave. I do not really care which of these two chancers leads the Tory party as neither has done a proper job in their life and – as far as I can see – neither has a Scooby Doo about how to solve the UK’s problems.

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3178 days ago

EU to blow £2million monitoring people like me

The EU has announced that it is to spend £2 million “monitoring” twitter and other new media outlets in the run up to the 2014 European elections. Of this around 40% will not come from existing budgets in the Evil Empire’s Ministry of Truth but is new cash, part of the EU budget increase. The aim of this is explicitly to counteract Euroscepticism. In other words the EU is pissing away your cash to monitor folks like me who write and tweet stuff pointing out what an inefficient, misguided crook factory this edifice is. The stated aim is in persuading voters not to listen (and I presume vote UKIP or for other sceptical parties in Europe) but to “see the light” and vote for Eurofanatics (i.e. Labour, Lib Dems or Call Me Dave’s Tory party).

I quote from a document produced by the Evil Empire:

Particular attention needs to be paid to the countries that have experienced a surge in Euroscepticism…Parliament’s institutional communicators must have the ability to monitor public conversation and sentiment on the ground and in real time, to understand ‘trending topics’ and have the capacity to react quickly, in a targeted and relevant manner, to join in and influence the conversation, for example, by providing facts and figures to deconstructing myths.

But what is a myth? The EU tried to tell us that the bent banana directive was a myth until it was shown to be true. Would it say that my statement “The EU is the world’s largest donor of foreign aid and much of this cash is wasted or stolen” is a myth?

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3178 days ago

Friday Caption Contest (on Sunday) – Conservative 2015 Election Triumph Strategy Edition

Apologies for the delay in the Friday caption contest – it is all Zak Mir’s fault.

I really cannot think of anything particularly important to prompt tasteless caption entries this week and so fall back on the issue which George Osborne says will be at the heart of the next Tory manifesto and which is guaranteed to bring the faithful back to the Conservative fold.

As you know, I would allow gay marriage. But I cannot say that it is the number one issue on my mind right now. The way that the Tory party is tearing itself apart with half its MPs revealing themselves as knuckleheaded bigots while the other half show themselves as being even more out of touch by making this such a number one priority is almost comical. If the Tories are to tear themselves apart at least they could do it over something that matters like the EU or the fact that Britain is going bankrupt.

Anyhow, to win an “It’s time to leave” T-shirt please post your captions in the comments box below (Jon Pickles, this has to be an easy Prince Harry one for you)

You can, of course, buy your own It’s Time to Leave T-shirt, hoodie, mug or thermos flask here.

For what it is worth my entry is:

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3178 days ago

Creating an Agricultural bubble the EU way & pissing away millions

Two years ago the EU ceased to subsidise tobacco growers in Greece, Poland and Bulgaria – folks who received £260 million a year as recently as three years ago. The problem is that their tobacco is a) not very good and b) costs far more to produce than tobacco from the third world so they need subsidies to stay in business. Now the EU wishes to restart subsidies. This is patent nonsense on three levels.

1. This is the same EU that is spending £27 million a yet trying to stop folks smoking. It claims that its campaigns are helping hundreds of thousands of people quit the habit. That is 100% unprovable and I would argue that this money is also being pissed away. But if they want to stamp out the habit why subsidise producers?

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3183 days ago

The Romanian and Bulgarian EU immigrant issue – lies, lies and more lies

It is quite clear that, as things stand, anyone in Romania or Bulgaria will be able to celebrate New Year’s Day by coming to live in Britain. We are after all brothers in arms in the EU. Given that the average net wage in Romania is £275 a month, with many earning far less, while in the UK families can trouser up to £500 a week tax free on benefits you do not need the brains of Lloyd George to see what is going to happen next. Yet our political elite seem either not to care or not to have an answer and so they resort to lies and smears.

Is it unreasonable for you and I to object to the idea that Romanians and Bulgarians will in very large numbers make a sensible economic choice and move to the UK? Are we racists for objecting? Of course not. The fact is that the UK has mammoth debts and is running a huge budget deficit. So having to pony up vast amounts in benefits for folks from out East is beyond our means. We cannot afford it. This is not an argument about race simply basic economics. Britain is going bankrupt and this could accelerate that process.

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3190 days ago

From Guido – Thought for the Day

One Term Dave says:

I dream of German-themed spanking parties. I have a fantasy where I grovel at Angela Merkel’s feet, and she shouts “Schweinhund” and makes me give her £19.2 billion of your money, every year, and then she gives me sheets and sheets of new laws designed to destroy our economy whilst benefiting hers.

In fact, it’s not a fantasy..

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3191 days ago

Being lectured by Ford on why the UK should stay in the EU is like taking childcare lessons from Jimmy Savile

Motor giant Ford has signed an open letter to Call Me Dave saying how disastrous it would be if the UK left the Evil Empire. Quite why the words of the boss of a foreign corporation should carry any weight at all escapes me but to be lectured by this company on the benefits of EU membership is like being told off by Jimmy Savile for not looking after your kids properly.

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3194 days ago

Chaarat Gold – New Tax Regime & Hot Money going in as China investment Rumours Swirl

On 17th January AIM listed Chaarat Gold (LSE:GCH) announced that the Government of the Kyrgyz Republic had implemented a new tax code effective as of 1st January. The new system is clearer than the old offering more transparency and as it happens will benefit Chaarat when it starts producing around Christmas. Please note Call Me Dave – lower tax rates and simpler systems encourages investment and creates jobs and so creates more tax revenue. It is not hard – they get it in the Kyrgyz Republic if not in SW1. The shares were up yesterday but that has nothing to do with the tax situation out on Borat’s homeland.

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3196 days ago

What anti business planet is naive Jo Swinson MP (Lib Dem) on? Why does Call Me Dave agree with her?

Jo Swinson is a Lib Dem Business Minister who is also an equalities minister. Unlike most politicians she has actually worked in the private sector – as a PR person for a local radio station before becoming an MP at the age of 25. Based on that vast experience of the needs of business she has come up with a cunning wheeze to make life ever more miserable for employers with yet more red tape. Just what the company doctor ordered. And it seems that this is coalition policy. Were the leader of the Conservative Party someone whose Dad ran a corner store and whose husband ran a series of companies rather than a pampered suit who did a brief stint in PR before becoming a professional politician, Swinson would be told where to stick her daft plans but that was before Call Me Dave made his party a “nice” party.

If Swinson gets her way, from next year all employees (not just those with kids) will be able to request the right to work flexible hours and cannot be denied unless the employer can show a clear business need. The silly woman

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3201 days ago

Greedy, useless and unwanted – British MPs are beneath contempt

Are you getting a pay rise this year? Not many folks are. Some like those on welfare are, in real terms, getting a cut. Pensioners are worse off thanks in part to low interest rates. The Government needs to slash its spending. To sack people. To make them unemployed. As Call Me Dave said “we are all in it together.” Er… not quite. Some folks are more equal than others. MPs are demanding a pay rise. A 32% pay rise. Where is Guy Fawkes when you need him? These pigs are beneath contempt.

An MP already gets paid £65,378 a year plus expenses. Those were meant to have been reformed but

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3202 days ago

More money for the troughing political classes even in austerity Britain

The Government is meant to be making spending cuts. Of course we all know that the wicked Tories are doing no such thing, spending is going up. But just for a minute let us humour Call Me Dave and pretend that MPs realise that Bankrupt Britain is going bust and that Government spending has to be cut back. So what news do we have today? MP’s reckon that local councillors should get more money for their allowances. Hell’s teeth. Labour MP Clive Betts things that compensation needs to be “appropriate.” At a number of levels this is obscene.

Checking out the website of Real Man Pizza’s local council ( Camden) I see that in the year to April 2011 ( the last available data) its local councillors cost local residents £807,473.47.

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3212 days ago

Visiting the Birthplace of Baroness Thatcher

And so I found myself in the grim North this morning and being just down the road from Grantham thought that I would pay a visit to the birthplace of Britain’s greatest Prime Minister. I cannot say that I see much to take me back to Grantham. Baroness Thatcher was born above the corner store owned by her father Alderman Roberts. It is a couple of hundred yards away from the town centre but not on the posher side.

These days the store sells holistic nonsense as you can see in the photo below. What strikes me is just how small it is. Thatcher was a leader born in truly humble surroundings. A small room, above a small shop, in a “secondary” part of a small town. When she suggested that others pull themselves up by their bootstraps she knew what that meant as that is exactly what she (and I imagine her father) did themselves. Her background made her the great leader she was. Just like Call Me Dave’s background made him, er……

Tom in front of shop

The fact that the person who not only became our first female PM but was without doubt the dominant figure post WW2 in British Politics was born in this town is almost unmentioned. That is to the eternal shame of whichever tossers are in charge of the town. All one can see

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3214 days ago

The Wicked Witch Cherie Blair gets a CBE, £60k to the Tories gets you a gong too – Pass the Honours List sick bag

Bradley Wiggins gets the New Year gongs headlines. But it is the CBE for the Wicked Witch that has caused early morning nausea chez Winnifrith. Cherie Blair has been honoured for her charity work both through the Cherie Blair Foundation and directly as patron of various good causes. Fair enough. But that the Wicked Witch had the time and money to do these things is a result of the vast earnings her husband the War Criminal makes from advising dodgy regimes across the globe and her own vast earnings as a lawyer profiting from the daft human rights legislation that she pushed for and the War Criminal passed into law.

It is thanks to “human rights” legislation that the War Criminal and the Wicked Witch drove through that Abu Qatada is spending Christmas in his luxury state funded house milking the benefits system. It is thanks to that legislation that murderers are going to get IVF treatment paid for by you and me. The list goes on and on.

The damage done to this country by the Wicked Witch is immeasurable.

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3243 days ago

UKIP Triumph – A tipping Point? And the Establishment spin and dirty tricks

UKIP was never going to win any of the three by-elections last night. The mainstream press knew that but happily suggested it might in order that the political and media establishment in the Westminster bubble could say that UKIP had not done as well as expected. UKIP is not a party of the establishment and it will thus get no favours from the established media. The way that papers such as the Telegraph took the spin from the established parties is the sort of dirty trick UKIP will have to get used to as it grows. And it will grow.

I write this not as a UKIP member or indeed committed supporter. Pro tem I am clearly a sympathiser. I think that the party has a good few loons in its ranks. Don’t they all? It strikes me that it can appear not to be libertarian at times on social issues. That may be unfair on it, but it is the impression one gets. However on a range of issues, notably the EU, smoking in public places and deficit reduction it is, for me, bang on the money. And though it wants to have MPs, right now it has nothing to do with the sleaze club of Westminster to which the other three main parties all belong.

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3293 days ago

Faux New Labour outrage over Jimmy Savile joke

Some Tory local council candidate told a Jimmy Savile joke on twitter. The Labour party have now written to Call Me Dave demanding that this man be barred from standing for office again. Shit, why not go the whole hog and report him to the Police and get him banged up for 3 months for causing widespread “distress” via an electronic communication. Oh please…

The joke was tasteless but half funny. So at the risk of going to prison for three months for causing distress (see below) I shall of course repeat it in full.

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