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My Drunken Error, Disappearing Viagra and Corby goes to the Polls

Tom Winnifrith
Thursday 15 November 2012

Zak Mir tells me that he feels like death after leading me astray with our all night drinking session. Good. It serves him right. I feel the same way but have now realised the truly horrible consequences of my actions. That is to say I appear to have arranged at some stage during the evening to meet someone else for supper tonight. You can safely assume that I shall not be drinking alcohol and that I will not be staying out late. I am too old for all of this.

Meanwhile Corby goes to the polls today in a by-election caused by the resignation of the frightful Louise Mensch. Having called the American election correctly I offer four predictions here. Firstly, turnout will be appallingly low – less than 25%. This vote will not change the Government and most folks just hate all politicians ( apart, of course, for Nadine Dorries MP). Who can blame them?

Secondly the Lib Dems will come fourth and lose their deposit. That will cause renewed calls for Nick Clegg to change course. He will promise to listen and we all know he keeps all his promises.

Thirdly Labour will win. This was a Labour seat from 1992 until Mensch somehow won last time. So Labour should prevail – any other result is inconceivable but would be humiliating for Ed Milliband.

The interesting question is who comes second, the Tories or UKIP. That all depends on how many of the “we hate all politicians” voters (i.e. 75% of the electorate) bother to turn out and vote UKIP as a way of sending a big raspberry to the mainstream parties. I would have thought that the only folk who will vote with any enthusiasm would be UKIP supporters and on a low turnout it is just conceivable that UKIP could beat the Tories into third place. I think it unlikely but you never know.

Naturally my heart hopes for UKIP to come second (or even first). My head tells me that UKIP will come third.

My fourth firm prediction is that since I do not really care and am also feeling very unwell, I shall be tucked up in bed well before the result is out.

Meanwhile Stephen Eckett of Harriman House tells me that he has now sent a final proof of my first e-book “The Wit & Wisdom of Viagra man” to me three times and berates me for not responding. I insist nothing has arrived. Branwave! Viagra and gmail? Yup it is in my spam box. I shall crack on and resubmit to Contra man over the weekend. Publication looms…

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About Tom Winnifrith
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Tom Winnifrith is the editor of TomWinnifrith.com. When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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