Sefton – The Empire Can’t Strike Back

Tom Winnifrith Monday 19 August 2013


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It is a fight to the death and it was hand to hand stuff on the front line today. For the Evil Empire Emperor Ellerton moved off the beaches of Hawaii and flew (at Sefton shareholder expense) to California. That left newly appointed company Secretary and IR genius Doc Gopher Green to lead the counter attack from his personal Shareprice death star.

Some of the Imperial strormtroopers in the BB Moron brigade of the Sefton army were hoping for a statement refuting weekend allegations, broadcast across the Galaxy by the rebel alliance. But that was not possible as the company is not in a position to refute anything. So instead Doc Gopher briefed a number of BB loons with the line: “all Sefton directors have been fully vetted by different nomads and nothing was found awry.”

That, of course, is NOT the same as a denial. Doc Gopher is not THAT stupid. And it is also meaningless as one of the Nomads immediately came forward and revealed to the intelligence officer of the Rebel Alliance that it had indeed commissioned independent due diligence on the Sefton board but that it was told that Ellerton/Dillabaugh was a personal matter and that Sefton did not disclose the Court case to it at all. Thus this did not feature in the due diligence.

Han Solo (played by Daniel Levi) then revealed that the non-execs on the Imperial board had now commissioned an independent enquiry into the activities of Darth Ellerton relating to the Dillabaugh case. And with that cover up, oops I meant full independent enquiry still not yet to see any documents (Darth seems unwilling to hand his own deposition to the Court over), The Empire CANNOT issue an RNS denying the allegations.

Meanwhile in a far corner of the galaxy (i.e. Denver) Princess Leia will tonight retrieve Darth Ellerton’s deposition in the 2009 Court case from storage in Iron Mountain.  At some point in the next 36 hours a small band of rebel forces assembled on the distant and remote ice planet of Clerkenwell expects to receive a secure email transmission from the Princess with the full deposition. Meanwhile agents of Han Solo also operating in Denver are, as I write, busy transcribing the entire transcript of Darth Ellerton vs. Obi Wan Ben Dillabaugh 2009 which will then be transmitted by encoded email to Han, Chewie and the rebel forces based on the (industrial) desert planet of Manchester.

Wedge Antilles (played by Simon Cawkwell) has spent the day berating the Imperial bases at Pinsent Masons and Allenby but this is merely an attempt to distract Imperial Forces as the Rebel Alliance prepares its coup de grace – publication of details of Darth Ellerton vs. Obi Wan Ben Dillabaugh 2009.

I shall keep you posted.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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