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Independence day – Top 10 Americans you are glad do not live in the UK

Tom Winnifrith
Wednesday 4 July 2012

I am a big fan of the USA. I love visiting friends in New York. I believe that over the past 50 years she has acted generally as a force for good (a few recent illegal wars notwithstanding) in fighting the cold war and acting as a responsible global military and economic policeman.

The principles behind the US Declaration of Independence and Constitution are generally inspiring. And so congratulations to, Britain’s friend, the US on her Independence Day celebrations. But on this day I can also reflect on the 10 Americans I am most glad do not potentially reside in the UK as a result of the divorce of 1776. Sadly bankster Bob Diamond cannot make the list as he is already over here. In no particular order.

1. Michael Moore. A Toynbee like ability to be wrong on almost every issue (bar the illegal wars) – he is also hectoring and (like many Americans) a fat slob.

2. Any member of the Kardashian family living or dead. Defending OJ Simpson or just being a vacuous faux-celeb milking stupid poor people of their money (and clogging up the Daily Mail photo pages), this family sucks.

3. Presidents Obama, Clinton, Kennedy and would be presidents Clinton, Gore and Kennedy (twice). Except of course all US Presidents claim to be Irish so they would have been someone else’s problem.

4. Jane Fonda. As Hanoi Jane the first celeb to think that having an ounce of acting/singing talent/a half decent body meant that your half-baked thoughts on world matters carried any weight at all. Forty years on she has still not twigged that she is always wrong and no-one is listening.

5. Mark Chapman for killing John Lennon. I suppose that is not the worst crime in history so in this category I will throw in the numerous serial killers that the US seems to produce.

6. If there is one thing the Americans are better at than producing serial killers it is being fat. So Colonel Sanders gets a mention for his inedible junk food which has done so much damage to the world’s health.

7. The Glazier family, for their role in destroying British football. Having said that, if they had to pick a club to destroy, they picked well. Fingers remain crossed that Man United will implode one day.

8. Jimmy Swaggart. Remember him? Disgraced evangelical preacher. You can add in several dozen more in a similar vein – US evangelical TV stars do seem to include more than their far share of fellows who are easily led astray. It is not a form of religion which makes me wish to return to the embrace of Christianity.

9. Donald Trump. Where do I start? He is just loathsome in every respect and is the sort of man that makes me think again about my belief in capitalism.

10. Anyone involved in the plastic surgery industry. Why cannot we all just get old naturally?

I am sure I have missed off a few rather obvious candidates. All those involved in Noraid for starters but I guess they would have gone to Ireland (not that the Irish deserved them). Feel free to post your nominations for Americans we were lucky to have lost below.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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