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The Trouser Test - that was a pleasant surprise for a fat man

Tom Winnifrith
Saturday 18 March 2017

Too scared to actually go and use a pair of scales I measure how fat I am by what sized trousers I can fit into and also just how I, as a diabetic, I feel. If I am falling asleep in the afternoon that is bad. If I am full of beans that is good. This week saw a trouser test and I was amazed by the results.

My daughter had given me strict instructions about having to look smart for her teachers. I was conscious that my black jeans were all now deeply stained with ingrained olive residue, pain and had holes in all sorts of places. And thus the Mrs escorted me to the shops and I thought long and hard about what to try on.

For reference I was 32 inch waist aged 18 and again at the height of my rugby career aged 32 and once more when everything went wrong and I spent a summer walking around Greek and Albanian mountains pondering what to do with life. At peak fat I was a 44 inch waist. 34 inches is a size which shows that I am in good shape. And so I thought about it and decided to be realistic and try on a 38 inch pair..

Bugger me, they were just ridiculously loose. That was a very pleasant surprise indeed. And so I tried on a 36 inch pair expecting that I would have to breathe in and that after wearing them for a day i would be a high falsetto. But no, they are a comfortable fit. In fact almost a little bit on the loose side. I am a 36. That really is very good news indeed as I contemplate my next appointment with the diabetic quack.

A month or so house-building in Greece and I am confident that I shall be back at 34. As a perennial battler with weight and a man who worries about it greatly, the trouser test has cheered me up massively.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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