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Joshua sent home from nursery with a Covid test, in this summer of Great British madness all diseases are now Covid

Tom Winnifrith
Tuesday 15 June 2021

It seems that on the other side of the river from the Welsh hovel, the plague – now with a 99.9% survival rate – is again raging among the English infidels. Cheshire East and West, I cannot remember which is which, are now designated zones for surge testing. It is not that they are awash with cases. Whole parishes, including the one on the other side of the Dee where Joshua attends nursery, are deemed white zones, that is to say almost no or no current cases. Incidentally, is that not a bit racist in suggesting white is good and er….

But if you test enough folks in “the surge” you will find more cases. Covid is now the 30th most common cause of death in the county –  yes it has been relegated into the Championship and even there is only showing mid table mediocrity –  but do not mention that lest you be shamed and stigmatised as a “Covidiot” or a denier. However, the spike in case numbers the surge testing will deliver will justify more ruined weddings, pointless mask wearing and social distancing, more measures that shut businesses, see more cancer tests missed and so serve to ruin our quality, and in some cases length, of life.

It is insanity and, in that vein, yesterday Joshua had a slight temperature and was clearly not quite himself and thus was sent home early from nursery with a covid test to do. Being “ill” meant the boy could loll on the sofa watching moronic TV, which he enjoyed, and I bought him a cornetto to make him feel better which he managed to devour despite his sickness. To be fair, after supper, there were no protests about staying up, it was straight to bed and sleep. He was a bit under the weather and this morning he and I have agreed that he can be a public sector worker, that is to say he can stay in bed as long as he wants.

But the test? Joshua screamed and screamed as a swab was inserted into his throat then up his nose. He hated it and I don’t blame him at all. After 30 minutes, the result came through and…it was negative. He has a summer cold and so do thousands of kids and adults. The Mrs (vaccinated and a covid survivor) had one last week and I (double vaccinated and a survivor) had one the week before. We did not take new tests although we are probably meant to.

The Government now says that possible symptoms include sneezing, a slight temperature, feeling a bit tired, a bit like a cold or even hay fever. And those nauseating radio adverts tell us that 1/3 of those with Covid have no symptoms at all. So, by definition, if a kid, in summer with the fields in full bloom, has hay fever like symptoms, he almost certainly has covid as do his classmates who have no symptoms. Send them all home to give working parents a childcare nightmare, test the lot of them and give the brave, heroic and hard-working teachers another pay rise before their long summer break.

We will look back on this madness of crowds and of GroupThink in a few years and be truly amazed at how, as a nation, we came to act like such fools. And how the political and media class whipped up such hysteria.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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