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The world explained by Two Cows - updated version

Tom Winnifrith
Friday 22 March 2013

The bit at the top is a bit old. But read on down to give you an updated international perspective.

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows. 

You give one to your neighbour. 

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows 

The State takes both and gives you some milk. 

FASCISM

You have 2 cows. 

The State takes both and sells you some milk. 

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows. 

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. 


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows. 

You sell one and buy a bull. 

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. 

You sell them and retire on the income. 


VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. 

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. 

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. 

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. 


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. 

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. 

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died. 


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. 

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. 


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you do not know where they are. 

You decide to have lunch. 


A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. 

You charge the owners for storing them. 


A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. 

You have 300 people milking them. 

You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. 

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. 


AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. 

You worship them. 


A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. 

Both are mad. 


AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. 

You tell them that you have none. 

Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. 

You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy. 


AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. 

Business seems pretty good. 

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. 


A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows. 

The one on the left looks very attractive. 


A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. 

You eat both of them. 

The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. 

The IMF loans you two cows. 

You eat both of them. 

The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. 

You are out getting a haircut.

 
AN IRISH CORPORATION


You have two cows.


One of them's a horse.

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About Tom Winnifrith
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Tom Winnifrith is the editor of TomWinnifrith.com. When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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