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My bird wants a new name - any ideas?

Tom Winnifrith
Sunday 14 July 2013

The bird says that describing her as the Deluded Lefty is unfair. Hmmmm she is a lefty and all lefties are? Er? Go on?

However, I now need a new term to describe her. The bird? She is a looker but I wonder if her, ahem, DL friends might regard that as patriachal or whatever. The little woman? She is a woman and she is not very tall.  My partner? Then all the BB Morons will insist that she is a bloke. Girlfriend? Are we not a bit too old to be a boyfriend and girlfriend?

The Northern Bird? NB for short. Just to show how open minded I am that I spend my time with a Northerner. Any improvements on The Northern Bird?

Nope, the Northern Bird says that this makes it sound like she is from Lancashire. Apparently she thinks Nottingham is in the Midlands - I really lose track of how the welfare dependent, post-industrial hell hole counties of England view themselves. She says all adjectives are unhelpful so she will from now onwards just be the bird.

I sense that I too may be in the doghouse

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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