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What to call the Deluded Lefty, I mean the Mrs?

Tom Winnifrith
Wednesday 11 September 2013

In our wedding vows we promised certain things. There was the normal love, honour and cherish stuff but there were a few additions. I am not to set my alarm clock at what a public sector worker deems an unreasonable time. She must attend at least two matches at Upton Park each year. That sort of thing. But there was an additional request: I am restricted in what I can call the gorgeous bride now that we are married.

Given her political leanings it will not surprise you to know that she has not taken my name. And she has suggested that the vernacular of the 1970s is not truly appropriate in the 2010s. Of course she is wrong: the language of Jack Regan and Sergeant Carter is the new cool. However that means that The Mrs. Is deemed inappropriate and “my wife” apparently has patriarchal overtones which deem it inappropriate.

She also feels that Deluded Lefty is harsh. It may be a clumsy phrase in that the words deluded and lefty are in many ways synonymous but I rather like it. But apparently she is not to be referred to as THE Deluded Lefty since, she tells me, there are many others of her ilk out there. Don’t I know it – welcome to my family darling. Oh, darling is also not appropriate.

Bird is deemed a Regenesque word but of course she should know that if you marry your bird then she becomes The Mrs. So that is not a runner either.

Apparently the phrase “gorgeous bride” is acceptable. I wonder if that will seem a little dated (in a way that Jack Regan never will) in twenty years’ time? But for now, how about the gorgeous bride (formerly known as the Deluded Lefty)?

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About Tom Winnifrith
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Tom Winnifrith is the editor of TomWinnifrith.com. When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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