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Oakley & Tara reckon I have breached their human rights

Tom Winnifrith
Thursday 30 April 2015

I finally struggled back home to Bristol at 11 PM last night – 38 hours after leaving for London. I was greeted by two wailing cats, Tata and Oakley who guided me to where there food should have been. Cripes – the auto cat feeder had not worked.

Tara is think as a rake but eats like a horse. Oakley has three legs, is morbidly obese but is less greedy than his companion. He is just lazy. But both clearly felt aggrieved. I unjammed the auto feeder and poured an enormous bowl of food which they devoured greedily. Luckily, feeling guilty about abandoning them for so long, I had bought two cartons of cat milk, the sort of product daft Londoners love to treat their felines with.

I the relented on the ASBO and so far have not been punished with lavatorial naughtiness merely with loud meowing to demand food at 5 AM. I am forgiven. Just as long as the Mrs does not find out as she would almost certainly report me to the RSPCA.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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