3545 days ago

Cracking Spoof Call Me Dave Cameron Conference Speech Musical Video

I warn you that this video contains bad language. But it is rather clever and funny even if you are a Tory, whether that be an exposing yourself in your PJs on the internet Tory, an about to defect to UKIP Tory or the traditional sort of Tory. Enjoy.




3949 days ago

Jimmy Jimmy - the 2013 Version of the Undertones Classic (Sefton version)

In light of the dynamite revelations from Dan Levi this afteroon HERE I have made a few adjustments to the Undertones classic Jimmy Jimmy and republish below

If you need a reminder of the classic original which has to be part of my all-time 200 the video is below:

With apologies to the Undertones:

Little Sefton boy
He was very very old
It took thirteen long years
To find what he had stole

Jimmy Jimmy
Jimmy Jimmy - Oooh
Jimmy Jimmy
Poor little Jimmy wouldn't let go

He'd stay awake at night
Lying in his bed
No one ever listened
To a single word he said

Jimmy Jimmy ...

Silly boy
Silly boy
Silly boy
Such a silly boy

Jimmy Jimmy ...

Now little Jimmy's gone
He disappeared one day
But no one saw the prison van
That took little Jim away

Jimmy Jimmy


3955 days ago

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds – The Sefton version

Apropos of nothing, I thought it time for a new version of an old classic

Picture yourself in a float on a river
With tapia trees and kan-as-as skies
Your broker calls you, you answer quite slowly
As Sefton’s share price slowly dies

Bogus production from Doctor Green
Cash all heading to Jim
Look for money shareholders have given
And its gone

Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Follow the shares down to ever new lows
Where Jim spouts more and more lies
Everyone smiles as you slip past the strippers
That spout nothing at all

Pinsent Masons appears on the shore
Waiting to take you away
Climb in the back as it counts Sefton’s cash
And its gone

Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Picture yourself with the shares now at zero
With Ellerton retired on the beach
Suddenly someone is there sat beside him
As Sefton’s share price quickly dies

Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds


3980 days ago

Ken Scott to play live at Real Man in Clerkenwell on Monday 29 July

Ken Scott is a remarkable fellow. Last year he parted company with ILX, the AIM listed company he saved and turned around. He probably would not appreciate me saying this but he was – I think – the only UK born Afro-Caribbean CEO on AIM at the time. He is a thoroughly nice guy and he is also a great singer and guitar player.

Ken sung at my 40th (impromptu) and plays gigs around Wiltshire where he lives. And occasionally he plays live in London. One such day looms. From 6.30 PM next Monday 29th July Ken will be performing everything from The Stones through Oasis through to a few modern songs (that I don’t get) at Real Man Pizza Company in Clerkenwell.

Entrance is free and the music and pizza starts at 6.30. I shall be there manning the full bar.

You can check out Ken’s work on his Facebook page





4012 days ago

Trapped with my UB40

For younger readers, a UB40 is the piece of paper you got in the 1980s if you were on the dole. It was also the name of a rock group whose members thought that it was all Thacher's fault. I dod not like their message and I loathed their music. My friemnd Matt sent me an email saying that he was watching some great 1980s videos of UB40. I hit the link for reasons that I cannot remember and Windows 8 being Windows 8 I cannot now stop this awful sound from blasting from my PC drowning out what I want to listen to, Small Town by John Cougar Mellencamp.  Very frustrating. I suppose the UB40 song cannot last forever. Even if it feels like it is.


4031 days ago

Killer Frogs song about corrupt and sleazy MPs

I used to work with a great journalist called Peter Krigjsman on the Evening Standard. Having broken a major story splashed on the Standard front page about an invasion of killer frogs ( I think it was a little overhyped), Peter forever became known as Killer Frogs.

Killer Frogs is a very talented guy. To prove it here is a song he wrote and produced at the time of the MP's expenses scandal. I guess it still resonates today.

Relax, sit back and rock with Killer Frogs

Download ElectionTime.mp3


4067 days ago

Rocking With the anarchists not the commies

Zakynthos. This place was totally wiped out by an earthquake in the early 60s ( apart from one sixteen century church) so it would be hard to describe it has having old world charm but it was pleasant enough. I suspect that one “the season” gets underway it will be Hell on Earth but for now the main language spoken was Greek and it was harmless. Zakynthos has escaped the worst of the meltdown thanks to tourism but even here the signs of unease are clear.

Posters protesting against the rise of the Nazi Golden Dawn party were everywhere to be seen.

 In the main square outside a bank Kappa Kappa (the commies) was holding a protest and Concert. This is a communist party that has yet to accept (unlike most European commies) that Stalin had its faults and that it is a good thing that the Berlin Wall has come down. As a result it is pretty unelectable – hard-line Stalinism is not cool even in a country facing meltdown.

And so it started with a video which basically equated, ad nauseam, Golden Dawn with the holocaust. Frankly Golden Dawn does contain some incredibly unpleasant characters and to describe its leaders as Nazis really is not that unfair. The film went on to show that Russia won the second world war



4078 days ago

Do you do Deliveries? Er no it is 3.38 AM! And a song for Maggie from the Kinks

It is 3.38 AM and I am still tapping away producing high quality material for five different websites ahead of a 5.30 AM stroll to bag a place on the Strand. Mrs Thatcher surely you would admire such entrepreneurial spirit. And the phone rings at Real Man Pizza Company? Feck is it a neighbour complaining that the music is on at full blast. Maybe “watching the Detectives” by Elvis Costello is not his cup of tea? Or perhaps it was me singing along to Marianne faithful’s Ruby Tuesday?

Or maybe one of our neighbours is a deluded leftie and objects to me singing along loud to the Kinks anthem which explains why the UK was such a basket case before Thatcher came to power: Sunny Afternoon.



The tax mans taken all my dough,


4079 days ago

Dilemmas: Another night with Wendy James because Thatcher says so

A hard call… It is after eleven. I have enjoyed a good meal with a City pal M. I have a couple of stories to break. I am a bit…er over the limit. And I have to be up at 5 to bag my spot on the Strand for Margaret Thatcher’s Funeral. What to do?

a)      Grab some sleep

b)      Spend another night churning out articles, attend the funeral and then crash?

What would Maggie say? Work hard young man!  Okay, it is another night with Wendy James of Transmission Vamp: I don’t want your money I want your xxxxxxx love and let the articles flow.



4081 days ago

The Witch is Dead Song – Farage is instinctively right on Thatcher songs, Clegg & Cameron useless & spineless

The lefties wanted the tune from the Wizard of Oz to hit Number 1 as a way of celebrating the death of Margaret Thatcher. It hit number 2 in case you care which I do not. The debate was should the BBC play it?

Cameron and Clegg said it was distasteful, shocking etc but that it was er..up to the BBC. They dodged the issue. Nigel Farage of UKIP said it was disgusting and disgraceful etc but as a believer in free speech, for him it was clear. If morons push this up the charts by buying it the BBC had to play The Witch is Dead.

You would have thought that as a liberal Cleggy would have stumbled on this obvious truth. But then again he likes Secret Courts and wants to gag the press.  Call Me Dave is no believer in free speech but instinctively Farage gets it right. Thatcher would have approved.

At number six in the charts is “I am in love with Margaret Thatcher”. I like the sentiment but the tune is awful. If you can bear it listen here


It is not a patch on "I'm in love with Ann Coulter" which is a great song and we are all in love with Ann Coulter aren't we?




4085 days ago

Blog Readers always welcome at Real Man

It is always a pleasure to welcome blog readers at Real Man Pizza Company in Clerkenwell and so today it was hello to Anthony from Northern Ireland who was over for the day and popped in for a pizza, a pint of Curious beer and a quick chat about Sefton and other matters. I am here one day in three and so if you are lucky you get to chat to Dominique. Anthony got the short straw and me. But you are always welcome. It was good to see you Antony…keep reading and come again.

And this gave myself and Dominique a chance to apologise in person, in advance for a joint musical offering which we have recorded – a new version of Danny Boy in honour of a certain oil company and its lawyers.  For those folks from Northern Ireland who we cannot meet in person we apologise in advance over the internet.  Watch this space….


4086 days ago

Working late with the lovely Wendy James

It is just five days to the event, three days to the launch of project x and I staill have one article for to re-write which I wrote earlier but lost thanks to Microsoft 8 and must now remember. And so it is another all-nighter at Real Man Pizza sitting at a restaurant table hammering away at my keyboard.

But to keep me company I have the play list from my 40th birthday. That seems an eon ago. Right now it is the Ramones, next up it will be Sheffield's finest, Def Leppard followed by Ruby Tuesday (the Marianne Faithful version) and then onto Sleeper ( where is Louise Wener now?) but I started with Transmission Vamp with the delightful Wendy James who I am horrified to discover is 2 years older than me. I wonder what she is doing now? In case you had forgotten Wendy in her heyday (1989)...


4154 days ago

Compiling the new Politically Incorrect Play List at Real Man Pizza

Not all musicians are deluded lefties. It is just that folks like Bono tend to tar the whole vocation with a brush of madness. Unable to sleep I find myself working on a new play list selection for the quirkiest Celtic Italian restaurant in Clerkenwell, Real Man Pizza Company. Already we have the punk list for Monday evenings, plus three different eighties play lists of around 250 tracks which run the rest of the time. But now it is time for something a bit different. And I seek your help here.

The criteria for qualification is easy: I must like the song, the singer or singers must not be associated with any daft causes (ask yourself does Bono support a cause, if so it is by definition daft) and the song must have some sort of message. Top of the list naturally is Ron Paul groupie Aimee Allen with the three tracks below and I’m in Love with Ann Coulter, also below. Any other suggestions in the comments box. Hopefully the list will be playing by St Valentine’s day.
Aimee Allen ( or indeed Ann Coulter) can be my Valentine any day.


4159 days ago

Camden Council hates me

I am sitting in Real Man Pizza Company trying to catch up on my writing backlog before heading to Paddington and yet again the bastards at Camden Council have sent little men to dig upo the road outside our door. The drill is incredibly load. You would think there was gold buried on Clerkenwell Road as this is about the tenth time in two years that a small patch of tarmac has been dug up and resurfaced. I am assured that the racket will end soon but what is the point? Perhaps it is a cunning job creation scheme where Camden pays men overtime rates at weekends to dig up the same few square metres, resurface and then dig up again every few months.

I have no idea. I just feel that Camden Council hates me. Why can’t they go and plague some of the other restaurants around here and drive away their customers for a change? I am promised the pain will within an hour or so. Meanwhile I have turned the music up full blast so poor Aldo is suffering a CD Punk Compilation 2 prepared by my friend Paul in the IOM and which we play on Monday evenings as well as the drilling.


4177 days ago

David Bowie’s New Single: Emperor’s New Clothes moment – it’s crap

Sixty Six year old David Bowie has released his first single in 10 years on youtube. Checking out twitter I gather that I am meant to say what a wonderful piece of work it is, how creative Bowie is, how his voice is wonderful, blah, blah, blah.
I would love to say all that but I cannot. I watched the pretentious video, followed the pointless lyrics and fell asleep after a couple of minutes as it was just plain boring.

I have written before about how Bowie was the coolest man on this planet when I was a teenager and how I adore his music. That is his stuff when he was a tad younger. If Bobby Charlton donned his shorts and tried to play for Man United again ( he can’t be that much older than Ryan Giggs, surely) would I have to say that he was still a great footballer?

Somehow with ageing rock stars it is different and we are not allowed to say that Bowie should have stuck to organising pretentious art shows and being a recluse. As I brace myself for losing 100% of my twitter followers, I commit heresy since everyone else is lining up to praise the Master. “Where are we now” is banal and will be soon forgotten.


4183 days ago

As Requested by Blog Readers: Oakley Update

Forget the fiscal cliff, my share tips of the year or why Fat Sam should be sacked as West Ham manager in May. Forget my pilgrimage to Margaret Thatcher’s birthplace, my Christmas culinary triumphs or my witterings about music – I am currently listening to Lene Lovich in case you were wondering. Judging by tweets, postings ion the blog and emails what folks want to know about is Oakley, my eleven year old cat who as of the week before Christmas has only three legs. Quite right… first things first.

He is not quite himself but the trend is positive. No longer does he have to wear the collar of shame to stop him scratching where his leg used to be before it was removed to deal with the tumour. He can scuttle around the place at quite a rate when he wants to. Which is not often. He can now jump up onto a bed. Rather frighteningly he was also able to jump out through a window and onto a slippery ledge four stories high. I panicked (being someone who suffers from chronic vertigo). He waited until I had left the room screaming and then hopped back through the window and sat there calmly grinning at me as I rushed back in.

Tara, my other eleven year old cat, is now sleeping alongside him and seems to have come to terms with his new shape. Indeed she rather enjoys the fact that Oakley demands to be carried to food since she can nick most of his meal before he realises it is there. In some ways he is back to his old self, crawling up the bed so that he can look directly into your face all night. In other ways there is still a bit of hesitation. There is a tendency to hide away most of the time under a bed or behind a door waiting to be fetched to be plonked onto a sofa.

He seems to be slowly coming to terms with what has happened although the poor creature will never understand. It is only two or three weeks ago that his leg was removed and so I am not surprised that he has not fully adjusted mentally. But the trend is positive. Thank you for all your kind wishes. I shall endeavour to post a couple of new photos next week.


4191 days ago

Christmas Day always starts with the last verse of O Come All Ye Faithful

I am not sure that I shall be a regular attendar at the Church where I celebrated Midnight Mass. The drum kit and amplifiers to the left of the alter were a clear warning sign for me. But the serice was traditional enough and the folk friendly. For me Christmas Day always starts as you belt out the last verse of O Come all ye faithful and prepare to leave the church and trek home in the cold night air.

Yea Lord we greet Thee, born this happy morning. That is the starting gun. It is 12.15 AM and the day has begun.

Yea, Lord, we greet Thee, born this happy morning;
Jesus, to Thee be glory given;
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing.
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.

I hope once again that you have a wonderful day and, frankly, that you do not read this until the 27th.


4193 days ago

Christmas carols for Sefton Resources, the EU, Vialogy and the Modern World

Some young chap from UKIP was running a “Christmas carols opening two lines for the modern world “ chat on twitter tonight. His first entry was:

“Once in royal David’s city, Stood a lowly cattle shed, But when the Palestinians Bombed it, We build 200 new settlements instead”

To which I countered:

“Arrest you merry gentlemen from the BBC
You’re all screaming perverts it is now plain to see”

Naturally this got me started. And so ( in either English or German) I offer you the Evil Empire’s Silent Night


4195 days ago

Just Listening to our new music playlists at Real Man Pizza Company

As we prepare for the busiest lunchtime of the year at Real Man Pizza Company the real thrill is listening to the new music playlists that have just arrived on disc from our resident offshore music geek. I am a music geek to and so having had the pleasure of compiling our first list (80s theme) myself, I am now wading through the two new lists.

One is a second 80s list. I am just listening to I’m Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves.

The second is our punk list. As of January 8th, Monday night here is punk and pizza. Poor marks for our finance guy Nigel for not knowing who sang “I want to be free.” Hit: she is now a well padded middle aged respectable TV presenter but I suspect she was always a bit of a nice middle class girl at heart. It is not Debbie Harry ( the bird in the picture) that is just a red herring.

What is your favourite punk track? I have just discussed that with the head of marketing at Cantor Index who, it turns out is a mega music geek. My favourite single is from his favourite album – Alternative Ulster, by SLF. A close second is – from the same part of the world – My Perfect Cousin by The Undertones. I drone on… if you are into music you will understand my excitement. If not this will all be terribly boring and you will not be able to identify the chanteuse described above.


4197 days ago

Zak Mir reviews Letters from the Chestnut Tree Cafe

Tom Winnifrith is a bit of a marmite individual. Read some Bulletin Board posts and he is the spawn of Satan. Read others (I try to as much as I can to improve my grammar) and it occurs to some people that he makes some extremely good points. At a financial level some of his pieces, such as this little gem on Falklands Oil & Gas and notably this little gem on US Oil & Gas not only real insight but are also extremely funny. Indeed, for us Old Harrovians a sense of humour is everything, the only thing that differentiates us from the savages, or as they taught us in public school – socialists. I can think of no other financial tipster who would write a piece about a company whose shares were heading South and manage to include a video of Adele singing Skyfall ( or Sharefall as Tom termed it) to show that the Fat lady is about to sing. But that was Tom’s piece de resistance yesterday for shareholders in Vialogy.


4199 days ago

Link up with a FTSE 100 stock? The Pursuit Dynamics, Vialogy, Proteus 3 card gambit – Adele is singing soon

What do the following companies have in common: Pursuit Dynamics (LSE:PDX), Vialogy (LSE:VIY), Proteus International and Firecrest? Two of the four have sent me lawyers letters about articles I have written. Those two companies no longer exist. I am still writing. So that is not it. In fact all four have two things in common.


4201 days ago

Saturday Music Medley – The Right Brothers, Christmas shopping for deluded lefties

The shock revelation that my deluded lefty sister Naomi is to give her poor husband Labour Party membership for Christmas naturally begs the question what do I get the rest of my family ( all deluded lefties) for Christmas, or Winterval as they would have it. And so my Saturday musical medley starts with a classic from the Right Brothers “

That is a pretty American list. Maybe for the UK my family and other deluded lefties might start with “Letters from the Chestnut Tree cafe” available at just £5 HERE. or perhaps with a selection of “It’s Time to Leave” T-shirts, sweatshirts and coffee mugs? Perhaps for folks who talk about the Malvinas (Naomi) a “Piss off Argentina T-shirt? The mugs and T-shirts are all available HERE.

Back to the music. A couple of other offerings from the Right Brothers who seem like a sensible bunch of chaps. I shall skip over “Bush was Right” and start with “Stop Global Whining” which is pretty self explanatory but does highlight the inconvenient truth of the medieval warm period pretty brilliantly.

Next up is one for the teaching profession: “Shut up and teach.”


4208 days ago

Another hit from Latma TV ( Blame Canada) and 2 classics from the Past: We Con the World and the 3 Terrors

Well done to Tal Gilad and to Latma TV editor in chief Caroline Glick for another hit video. Latma is a satyrical Israeli internet show which regularly churns out musical winners. Its latest offering is Blame Canada (The Palestinian Version).

It is good but not as good as the classic “We Con the World”

Or indeed, the Three Terrors (below)


4244 days ago

America’s Victoria – Cute Conservative Student Blogger with Attitude - Occupy parody video

When I was young, it was not exactly cool to be right wing. I cannot believe that Call Me Dave is making it terribly cool to be a conservative today. I suspect the cool line is to be apolitical whether of the left or right.

But, having discovered our own Victoria in the UK – a female student of a conservative bent who writes some cracking stuff on the evils of affirmative action, I now bring you Republican Girl Probs – a US conservative student. Not perhaps, by her own admission, the greatest singer on this planet but she is a quite cute bird and the video is funny.

But for a pretty decent “Call Me Maybe” parody aimed at the Occupy movement watch this:


4275 days ago

West Ham Triumph, Goddess on Form but with a horrible knowledge gap

It is well known that my attendance at West Ham games brings almost certain defeat and thus I trust that Hammers across the world will thank me for not heading along to Loftus Road tonight. A 2-1 win sees the Irons on 11 points after just 6 games. Last time we were in the top flight it was sometime like December before we reached that number of points.

Put it another way, with 16% of the games played we are 26% of the way to 42 points (the highest ever points total to be relegated – er, West Ham) and 27.5% of the way to 40 points (almost certain safety). QPR, Norwich and Reading look pretty good bets for the drop. Surely Wigan who bring nothing to the top flight will slump at some stage. If you are a West Ham fan


4276 days ago

Jimmy Saville – Pervert or Victim?

When TV documentaries bash the dead my instinctive sympathy is with the dead. You cannot libel a corpse so can effectively say whatever you want. Hence one can out Richard the Lionheart as a homosexual ( not a lot of evidence but who can disprove you and it is a good story), one can finally accuse Robert Maxwell of being a crook without getting a writ (fair comment) and this week is the week when the late Jimmy Saville is exposed as a predator on teenage girls.

His family will suffer, he can offer no defence and so a fair response is to say “who cares, leave the man alone.” Except that the evidence looks to be pretty compelling.


4328 days ago

Madonna. Moralising Slut? No. Publicity whore. Probably. On Gays & Pussy Riot she is bang on the money

Like most celebs, when she offers up her opinion on world affairs Madonna can usually be guaranteed to get it completely wrong. She usually proposes the wrong solution to a problem to be fixed with other folks cash. But just occasionally she gets it right. I am not sure about her motives but following my new resolution to be more positive about life, well done to Madonna, the scrawny old bag has excelled herself in Russia.

Her outburst in Putin’s paradise is a twinned pronged attack. Performing in St Petersburg, a City where until 1999 homosexuality was classed as a mental disease, and where homophobia is a very real issue, she has spoken up in favour of gay rights. I suspect that there are more repressed minorities in Russia but they are perhaps less fashionable minorities to support but so what everyone deserves equal rights under the law and basic respect.


4340 days ago

Holiday in Albania

For some reason I keep thinking of the Dead Kennedys’ classic “Holiday in Cambodia” as I prepare for a trip across the straights of Corfu early next week. If you cannot remember the number/never heard the tune, it will not appeal to all, but you can listen below.

If you cannot make out the lyrics it is this verse to which I refer (although the two that follow on the nature of work are pretty good)

“ It’s time to taste what you most fear
Right guard will not help you here
Brace yourself, my dear

It’s a holiday in Cambodia
It’s tough, kid, but its life
It’s a holiday in Cambodia
Don’t forget to pack a wife”

Of course Albania has moved on from the days of good old Enver Hoxha when machine gun posts on the border were there to keep people in, rather than out.


4384 days ago

Debbie Harry - Music & Memories

I have rather given up on radio when driving. The adverts on Absolute (and the inane DJs) drive me absolutely mad. The non-stop plugging of the Absolute brand is infuriating. I got the message the 94th time (which is normally after about 45 minutes of listening). The station promises no repeats of the songs it plays. That is not hard if you only play 5 songs an hour with the rest of the time being oft repeated adverts, usually for the station you are already listening to. Moreover, since at least one of those five songs will be a deathly dull offering from Coldplay, I have given up on the station. And so the drive up to Heysham last night was a CD drive with, as the main course Blondie, whose lead singer, as all men my age know, was Debbie Harry.


4392 days ago

Happy Birthday Ziggy Stardust (aged 40)

On the run into Warwick School in the late 1970s and 1980s I used to share a car in the mornings with Mark and Justin Adams from Bascote Heath. Their Dad would pick me up in Harbury and off we would shoot to the UK’s third oldest school. That was except when it snowed very heavily – Harbury being on top of a hill meant that we might get the day off and head over to Ufton to sled. That was rare. The big debate every day was what to listen to on the radio. Phil Adams, a kindly man, liked smoking and Radio 2 (Terry Wogan). We boys wanted fresh air and “Mike Read, Mike Read on the radio!” – Radio 1. The younger generation swore collectively that when we were adults we could be taken out and shot if we ever chose to listen to Radio 2.


4394 days ago

Cheryl Cole – Time for a Boney M?

It is a little known fact but Bobby Farrell (the bloke in Boney M) was not a very good singer. In fact it was not his voice on any of the group’s hit records. But he had the right looks for the age and so he whirled and twirled in all the videos. Sadly, in 2010, Farrell stopped whirling and twirling aged 61 as a result of a heart attack, suffered in St Petersburg. Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia’s Greatest Love machine etc etc etc.