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The best of the Lance Armstrong tweets

Tom Winnifrith
Wednesday 30 January 2013

We love cycling at Real Man Pizza Company. Sitting in our quirkly Celtic Italian restaurant in Clerkenwell I am at this very moment staring at a framed, signed Mark Cavendish jersey from a couple of years ( and teams) ago. Cav is a real man…he wouldn’t cry on a talk show. And that brings us to Lance.

Now that I have officially won exactly the same number of Tour De France yellow jerseys as Lance Armstrong, I bring you a quiick review of the best Lance Armstrong tweeted jokes. Twitter is not ALL rubbish.

Lance Armstrong’s darkest legacy will be that he convinced millions of men it was okay to wear cycling shorts – Andre Botha

Lance Armstrong sends a powerful message to the kids of America: don’t do drugs and cheat unless you want to be rich and go on Oprah.

Lance Armstrong has motivated me to admit things everyone already knows, too. I’m unrealistically good looking and fantastically hilarious.

After this admission by Lance Armstrong, I honestly don’t see how I can ever use the US Postal Service again…

If it turns out Lance Armstrong used drugs to beat cancer, I am going to be so disappointed.

Nike, outraged by the morally repulsive Lance Armstrong, have ordered their Chinese slaves to stop making merchandise for the cheating devil

Lance Armstrong denies taking drugs on the Tour de France and says he “was cycling so fast to escape the green dragon chasing him”.

Lance Armstrong’s a cheat! Without dope he couldn’t beat me at spin class!

Lance Armstrong has flown into New York to deny doping claims. Be more convincing if he’d used a plane.

I bet the best part about breaking up with Lance Armstrong is being able to take off that tacky, yellow rubber bracelet.

JimGaffigan If anything the Lance Armstrong confession confirms my belief that exercise leads to deceitful behavior. Told you jeanniegaffigan

I’ll forgive Lance Armstrong for doping, but only if he rides the entire Tour De France on a unicycle in full clown makeup.

Lance Armstong has denied ever using drugs, but has admitted pedalling. (I’ll show myself out.)

All of Lance Armstrong’s Little League Baseball Home Runs to be Asterisked

Lance Armstrong steps down as chairman of Livestring? Wow, that took some ball

The worst thing about Lance Armstrong is that now the French can say “We told you so” for the rest of recorded time.

I used to say it takes a lot of balls to publicly admit you cheated, but Lance Armstrong proved it only takes one

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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