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The best of the Lance Armstrong tweets

Tom Winnifrith Wednesday 30 January 2013

 

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We love cycling at Real Man Pizza Company. Sitting in our quirkly Celtic Italian restaurant in Clerkenwell I am at this very moment staring at a framed, signed Mark Cavendish jersey from a couple of years ( and teams) ago. Cav is a real man…he wouldn’t cry on a talk show. And that brings us to Lance.

Now that I have officially won exactly the same number of Tour De France yellow jerseys as Lance Armstrong, I bring you a quiick review of the best Lance Armstrong tweeted jokes. Twitter is not ALL rubbish.

@BouwerBosch
Lance Armstrong’s darkest legacy will be that he convinced millions of men it was okay to wear cycling shorts – Andre Botha

@funnyordie
Lance Armstrong sends a powerful message to the kids of America: don’t do drugs and cheat unless you want to be rich and go on Oprah.

@Coastiefish
Lance Armstrong has motivated me to admit things everyone already knows, too. I’m unrealistically good looking and fantastically hilarious.

@EricStangel
After this admission by Lance Armstrong, I honestly don’t see how I can ever use the US Postal Service again…

@GuyEndoreKaiser
If it turns out Lance Armstrong used drugs to beat cancer, I am going to be so disappointed.

@HerzogsChild
Nike, outraged by the morally repulsive Lance Armstrong, have ordered their Chinese slaves to stop making merchandise for the cheating devil

@hi_robb
Lance Armstrong denies taking drugs on the Tour de France and says he “was cycling so fast to escape the green dragon chasing him”.

@iamcolinquinn
Lance Armstrong’s a cheat! Without dope he couldn’t beat me at spin class!

@jamiesont
Lance Armstrong has flown into New York to deny doping claims. Be more convincing if he’d used a plane.

@JennyJohnsonHi5
I bet the best part about breaking up with Lance Armstrong is being able to take off that tacky, yellow rubber bracelet.

JimGaffigan If anything the Lance Armstrong confession confirms my belief that exercise leads to deceitful behavior. Told you jeanniegaffigan

@nealbrennan
I’ll forgive Lance Armstrong for doping, but only if he rides the entire Tour De France on a unicycle in full clown makeup.

@spilly
Lance Armstong has denied ever using drugs, but has admitted pedalling. (I’ll show myself out.)

@sportspickle
All of Lance Armstrong’s Little League Baseball Home Runs to be Asterisked

#stevesum41
Lance Armstrong steps down as chairman of Livestring? Wow, that took some ball

@therealjoebob
The worst thing about Lance Armstrong is that now the French can say “We told you so” for the rest of recorded time.

@TuckerMax
I used to say it takes a lot of balls to publicly admit you cheated, but Lance Armstrong proved it only takes one

About Tom Winnifrith
Bio
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of TomWinnifrith.com. When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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@TomWinnifrith
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