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On an acid trip with Pinsent Masons

Tom Winnifrith
Wednesday 4 September 2013

I have not actually taken any LSD or even  a magic mushroom for years but as I contemplate the insane world of Pinsent Masons and the Sefton libel case I feel like I am on the most amazing trip. For Pinsents yesterday stated that it is ploughing ahead with the libel case. I happen to know that this is bollocks – the remaining Sefton directors met Pinsents and other advisors last Friday and are trying to find a way out. Oh yes, I have my sources Pinsents, try not to get too paranoid.  But anyhow let’s go on a magical mystery tour with the bully boy lawyers…

Suddenly a giant caterpillar appeared and beckoned me from my Clerkenwell rabbit hole towards the High Court. I called as a witness of fact Mr Russell Booker, a partner at Pinsent Masons, and asked him to read out his memo to the Sefton board in which he said that Jim Ellerton (Sefton’s only witness) was “discredited as a witness” and thus the case was unwinnable. “Thank you Mr Booker” said the white hare “would the plaintiff like to cross examine?”

The Barrister for Sefton consulted his team of lawyers from Pinsent Masons about how they would cross examine a partner from Pinsent Masons who was appearing as a witness of fact for the defence. Shroooooooooooooooooooooooooom.  No conflicts of interest here said the Pinsents team as they smoked a large hookah offered to them by Dr Ali in lieu of his final draft preliminary final report on steamflooding.

The Judge offered everyone more tea and a piece of cake which I nibbled and wondered why it tasted of mushrooms.

Suddenly I felt very small as the courtroom opened up amid a myriad of colours, shimmering and sparkling. “Am I tripping I?” I asked the dormouse. “No”. He said. “It is only Jim Ellerton who does the first class trips around here. All those shimmering blues, that’s the sea outside his mansion in Hawaii, he is appearing here by video link.”

“Oh”, I said in a rather disappointed fashion but then in a flash a team of Mad Hatters from the ADVFN Bulletin Board appeared and when MontyHedge offered me some more strange looking cakes I found myself nibbling away. Feeling generous I handed him 20 million Sefton shares (worth by then 10p in total) for his troubles.

The Judge asked Pinsent Masons if its only witness Mr Jim Ellerton was ready?

Shrooooooooooooooooom. “Mr Ellerton do you undertake to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth just like you did in Dillabaugh vs Ellerton” asked The Queen of Hearts  “and please remember that in California ( and in my Court) perjury is a capital offence.”

Jim thought for a moment and mumbled something about how he had invented the internet, was the first man on the moon and had cured boom and bust and then in a puff of smoke he disappeared.  “Pinsents”, asked the judge, “do you have any real witnesses to back up your case? Here, have some more cakes to inspire you.”

Suddenly the giant caterpillar appeared and offered me a clear flask full of a strange looking black liquid?  “Is this some of the oil that Sefton claimed to be producing in California but wasn’t really?” I asked. “No,” said the caterpillar “don’t be so fucking stupid that oil was totally fictional, this is all real, have a sip”.

Shrooooooooooooooooooooom. The room started to wobble, even the dark black £1200 suits worn by the Pinsents team (and paid for by Sefton shareholders) started to dazzle with magical greens and purples and yellows…

To be continued….

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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