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My acid trip continues as I become an Islamic spiritual mentor

Tom Winnifrith
Thursday 10 October 2013

Life is one long bizarre acid trip. I return to London and our quirky Celtic Italian restaurant in Clerkenwell enjoys its best Wednesday in history. I am sitting here listening to Despina Vandi having just sent colourful James off to bed and am now reflecting on my new role as an Islamic spiritual mentor.

You may think of me as a hardline advocate of Zionist principles but, as an open minded guy, half of my staff at Real Man Pizza are actually North African Moslems. Damn it. Don’t tell anyone but in reality I am an open minded loving sort of guy dedicated to world peace and hugging trees, blah blah blah.  

Among my staff you will find Aziz who until a week ago was dating our former manageress Dominique Harkin, a nice girl from Ireland. Casually I jested to Aziz, who makes the greatest pizzas in London, that he should not be, as a good Moslem, be dating a bird outside marriage. Dominique is certainly a bird.

I arrived in London today to be told that the two of them have now got married. I offer my congratulations/commiserations and Aziz says that the nuptials are all down to me.  What the hell?

He carries on. You said “”Allah would not be impressed about how you are being a bad boy out of marriage… so we got married”.

Shite. I was only joking.  But Aziz persisted. “I want to thank you for making me think about what Allah would have wanted”.  Jesus Christ.  So I am now an Islamic faith mentor. Please do not tell the LinkedIn friends of Israel.

In the language that Dominique and I might both best understand:

Is mian liom an lánúin óg go léir is fearr. Ba mhaith linn an domhan ar fad chun cónaí ar aon dul

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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