I realise this may not win me many friends among the Daily Mail reading classes but I need a new waitress as Real Man Pizza Company in Clerkenwell is opening up a new venture in its basement area from February and if you are reading this in Romania and Bulgaria today feel free to get in touch.
Naturally I shall advertise in the UK as well. £6.50 an hour or whatever the minimum wage is. 30 hours a week. Job waitress and also plongeur. She needs to be presentable. To like very hard work, to be numerate and to speak good English. Notwithstanding the need to be numerate and to speak good English a few products of the UK Comprehensive schooling system will be qualified.
But will they apply? Like hell they will. You see I have done this before and young Brits would rather live on welfare/go to a crap former poly to study a worthless degree than go get a job which involves hard work and pays the sort of wage an unskilled less than 20 year old can expect to get as a first job. If they work hard they can expect to earn more in due course, I am a fair employer.
But folks. You always start at the bottom.
What the immigration loathing wolf-whistlers of UKIP and the Tory right fail to realise is that the Romanians/Bulgarians are not taking jobs from Brits but are needed to do the jobs Brits refuse to take.
I shall give home grown talent the chance to apply. But since I know from bitter and hard experience that this is doomed I also make this offer to our friends in Transylvania, Sofia and Bucharest. If you want to work hard, improve your English and have the skills I want we want to offer you a job. Can you start February 1?