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The Mrs. away, working without trousers again and the cats in disgrace

Tom Winnifrith
Thursday 23 April 2015

The Mrs. is still in India on work. Today she is visiting the house once inhabited by my great great grandfather Sir Courtney Ilbert in Shimla. It is now a luxury hotel. How nouveau.  The result is that I am in residence with the cats who are in utter disgrace having caused me another day of living without trousers

The house is perhaps not as tidy as it might be in normal times. With the Mrs. away it is back to a student routine of washing a plate before you eat rather than afterwards. I sense that before the Mrs. gets back I may be paying the cleaning lady to do a double shift to hide evidence of what myself and the cats have been up to in terms of housework. Or rather lack of it. 

The cats are in disgrace.  The day before I left for London the morbidly obese three legged Oakley decided to use the bathroom floor as his latrine being too lazy to walk an extra flight of stairs to the garden. Meanwhile his co-conspirator Tara vomited in the bedroom. Hence they were locked in the kitchen for a week long ASBO in my absence.

On my return so happy were we all to be reunited that I relented and allowed them to sleep in what they regard astheir bed, that is to say the main bedroom.  In the morning I awoke to discover that Oakley had used the front doormat as his latrine, so idle is he that he cannot even use a cat flap. The ASBO was reinstated.

And so I awoke this morning and for some reason remembered that I had taken my trousers off the night before in the kitchen. I cannot remember why but with the Mrs. away all normal patterns of behavior go out of the window. Stumbling downstairs I put on the trousers only to discover as they rise up my leg that Tara had been sick inside them. How very amusing.

The trousers went in the washing machine. I went for a shower. The cats are in the kitchen on ASBO waling that they want a day release to come and sit with me as I work. But the ASBO is now being enforced rigidly. After another day of working without trousers, both cats are 100% in the doghouse.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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