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Want to slash the deficit Mr Osborne? Simple: Axe Scotland

Tom Winnifrith
Monday 21 March 2016

The poisonous midget who leads the SNP, Nicola Sturgeon told her party faithful the other day that she was going to organise another referendum on independence come what may. It is no surprise that the midget is so keen on the EU given how she buys into its idea of democracy: the people can vote however they wish in referenda and they will keep voting until they vote the "right" way.

Of course independence would be economic suicide for Scotland. At $100 oil it was spending more than it would have received in tax. 89% of Scots are net takers from the State and the nation is almost united in its belief in money tree economics.

Despite all this spending Scotland gets poorer as the public sector squeezes out the wealth creating sector, and sicker - life expectancy in Glaswegian men is now - at 57 - lower than anywhere else in the EU, indeed in the Eurovision zone which includes Ukraine with its civil war and its Chernobyl legacy.

As an independent nation, Scotland would be the Greece of the North at $100 oil. At $40 oil it would be the Upper Volta of the North which perhaps explains why while Miss Sturgeon may wish to join the EU, the Evil Empire is not quite so keen on embracing the bottomless pit that would be an independent Scotland. But perhaps a deal could be done - independent Scotland could for instance be used to rehome 2 million Syrian refugees as a condition of its EU membership.

Heck I feel sorry for the Syrians. Living in a place where no-one speaks proper English, no-one works and life expectancy is falling fast amidst widespread poverty and violence and a regime losing grip on reality would be really grim. So maybe after a few weeks in Glasgow they would be begging to go back to Syria.

Despite the fact that it would be economic suicide, increasing numbers of Scots seem to want independence. We follow a familiar pattern which sees moaning heathens bleat "The Tories won the UK election but we voted for Money Tree worshippers here it is all so unfair, our poverty is all the fault of the English and Thatcher, we want more state aid, cry freedom, we sent Proud Edward's army home, Brits out, yadda yadda yadda."

This pattern of abuse of the English and blaming others for all their woes will continue ad infinitum so lets put an end to it with an English vote this June 23 "Do you want the Scots to fuck off so that you get to keep more of your money here in England?" Yes or No. Its all very simple.

Actually why bother with a vote just privatise Scotland. Sell it to the highest bidder. "You there the midget in the corner bidding £1 on behalf of the Scottish people, there are no higher offers, here you are, you own Scotland"

Lets make it easy Scotland can take none of the National Debt. It can start with a clean sheet. A few years imbibing the fruits of the money tree will see to that but then Scotland will have no-one to blame but the Scots. The English will see their debt to GDP ratio increase short term, but without Scotland sucking at the Treasury teet ad infinitum the deficit will be slashed at a stroke. Move "political" State projects like Faslane back to England and unemployment in the hard working South would be slashed.

What is not to like about this cunning plan?

As an added bonus, having jettisoned the bleating Scots we might then have a look at those other Celtic welfare safaris, Wales and Northern Ireland. Next time that the cocktail of semi-retired muderers, religious bigots and closet homosexuals that make up the Stormont Assembly demand more money to spunk on a pointless project, the English could simply say "shut up and behave yourself or you will go the way of Scotland". Pretty soon both celtic welfare safaris could be whipped into line with their budgets slashed. The era of bribes for good behaviour would be over, the era of austerity and self-reliance would be upon them.

It gets better by the day, can anyone explain the flaw in what I propose?

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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