Personal and undiluted views
joke

476 days ago

Tom Winnifrith Bearcast: 3 stockmarket disgraces and Bob Monkhouse and the funniest joke ever

Talking of disgraces, 96% of listeners have yet to donate to Rogue Bloggers for Woodlarks, please do so today HERE. I have a message from Nick Richards for the 4% who have been generous. The stockmarket disgraces I cover are the fraud Zoetic (ZOE), Anemoi (AMOI) and Abingdon Heath (ABDX) – where there really must be a Steward’s on its Christmas IPO, which I panned at the time. I also look at Scotgold (SGZ) and discuss why Andrew Monk called SUPP/WPCT so badly wrong.

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610 days ago

Ash Sarkar, did you really go into journalism to do this?

I do not agree with the politics of communist journalist Ash Sarkar and she says some remarkably silly and insensitive things. But, as a believer in freedom, I defend to the utmost her right to say and write as she pleases, just as I defend other figures such as Sasha Johnson of BLM. Her right is to offend me with her ludicrous views. I also have a lot of sympathy for Ash for the way that she is attacked.

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661 days ago

A border joke for bonkers Mark Drakeford, the gauleiter of Wales

That our First Minister here in Wales has gone completely mad is now beyond doubt.  But as with so many little and irrelevant men who suddenly feel a surge of excitement coursing through their veins as they whiff a vague scent of power, Drakeford’s other dominant characteristic is a complete absence of any sense of humour. In that vein, I have a joke for him which starts in a place like where I live, right on the border with the accursed English infidels.

 

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1049 days ago

Tom Winnifrith Bearcast: Joke - what do you call the stupidest man in Ireland?

Before anyone reports me for a hate crime I am of Irish descentr and identify as Irish so can tell this joke. Actually the joke is Providence Resources (PVR) and Lansdowne Oil & Gas (LOGP). The rest of the podcast discusses the mendacity and stupidity of Sajid Javid and his pledge on the National Living wage.

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1315 days ago

Tom Winnifrith Bearcast: defending my friend Luke Johnson as the deadwood press prepares another attack

In today's podcast I look at Brighton Pier (PIER) in some detail and am almost tempted to make a small speculative punt on my pal Luke Johnson. I look at Debenhams (DEB) and Marks & Spencer (MKS) and at Imaginatik (IMTK). Finally I have a few questions ( again) about Wey Education (WEY). Oh. There is also a sexist joke in there and if you are offended I really don't give a damn.

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2227 days ago

Highlands Natural - the joke Helium deal with Opera collapses - the lies go on

A month ago Highlands Natural Resources (HNR) announced that it had sold some assets it had bought days previously for $91,000 for £4 million in shares in fellow standard list dog Opera (OPRA) as well as £240,000 in cash. Today that joke deal has collapsed leaving Opera desperately seeking another acquisition and with its credibility in tatters and Highlands needing to explain the lies it has told.

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2273 days ago

A Liverpool joke: The Ferrari F1 team fired its entire pit crew yesterday.

This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.

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3370 days ago

The Talking Dog Joke

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS.  In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years".

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.  I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals".

"Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."

The man is amazed.  He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid," the owner says.

"£10!!? But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying bastard, he's never been out of the garden."

Thanks to Paul from China for that one..

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3389 days ago

US Oil & Gas Statement - An Irish Joke

Dave Allen, that chap from Father Ted, Oscar Wilde…all great Irish writers of comic prose. And now we can add to that list whichever genius crafted today’s operations update from joke company US Oil & Gas (USOP). Truly you have to be a class one crack-head or have an IQ of less than 15 to own this share.

The statements has all the usual guff about perforations, oil chromograph readings of u[p to 50%, how Ebiana is close to fluid contact points, leprechauns spotted in Nevada with pots of black gold and that sort of encouraging waffle. But er…”average water cut too high for commerciality at present.” Oh cripes, that does not sound good.

Needless to say as the rig is wound down young Brian McDonnell is always keen to put the best spin on it

 

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