All Stories

Another victory over the curtain twitchers here in Holt Wales: my land works get a blessing

Tom Winnifrith
Thursday 19 August 2021

Twice someone in the village of Holt has snitched on me to the authorities about the dramatic land reclamation underway here at the Welsh Hovel. Removing all that asbestos, old tyres, scrap iron, bitumen and ripping up concrete paving so as to improve flood drainage, and demolishing rusted old lean too barns. Some folks think that spending a five figure sum on this is the act of a total and utter bastard. Well: I do have an English accent. Bring back the good old days when you could bury whatever you wanted on the land while singing Yma O Hyd!

The first snitch reported me to Wrexham Council. A lady came over and I dragged her round the farm explaining just how many thousands of pounds I had spent disposing, legally, of all sorts of vile waste and how I was improving drainage, expanding the flood plain and turning hideous waste piles into an area of real beauty. I pointed to the repointing work them commencing on the barns. After half an hour she agreed and pleaded that she was only obeying orders. I just had to remind her that such an excuse has been used before. She slunk away and that was that.

Then another villager reported me to Natural Resources Wales. This body warned me that I needed to fill in forms, would pay a fee and that I had to draw up plans. I filled in the long forms and drew the plans myself. It was not architect standard but it showed clearly how what I have done has actually improved the drainage and added to the flood plain and was more than 20 metres from the river, etc, etc.

Natural Resource Wales seems to have a problem with staff leaving so when I got an email today it was from the third officer on the case whose first words were to explain that the second one had walked the plank. Rhys writes:

“Our primary concern with the work undertaken was the potential impact this could have on flood risk elsewhere, through the displacement of floodwaters. However, after reviewing the information submitted, it is apparent that the works have also included the removal of some material from the floodplain (referred to as the ‘main dumping area’ in the attached document). I consider that this has provided a form of flood compensation for the area that has been raised, and is likely to have offset potential increases in flood risk elsewhere. Based on this, we will not be taking any further action in relation to the work undertaken to date.”


No fee is owed and we are now in the clear to continue enhancing the environment and making the hovel even more attractive. And that now makes it:

Hated English eco-friendly invaders TWO, busy body curtain twitching inbred poltroons NIL.

If you enjoyed reading this article from Tom Winnifrith, why not help us cover our running costs with a donation?
About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
[email protected]
Recently Featured on ShareProphets
Sign up for my weekly newsletter

Required Reading

Recent Comments

I also read