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Breaking the contract with Joshua's school (Ysgol) once again

Tom Winnifrith
Wednesday 24 November 2021

The Mrs and I both signed a sober and stern contract with Joshgua’s Ysgol in which, inter alia, we promised to drop him off at between 8.45 and 8.55 every morning except, of course, when the teachers were lying in bed ahead of yet another INSET day. I regret to say that in dropping himoff, one of my delights, I so often break the contract. We really have no excuse living just 500 yards from the school.

The cats can be an excuse if they follow us up the lane from the Welsh Hovel up to the main street. If that happens, Joshua and I have to chase them back and lock them inside and that would be our excuse, however implausible it sounds. But most days there is no excuse. The reality is that there is, as today, a hunt for shoes discarded in the most unlilkely place last night or a reluctance by Joshua to leave the moron box where he has started to catch another episode of the sort of ludicrous cartoon they should have used on the folks kept at Guantanamo bay. But you can’t really fess up to that can you?

At 8.55 AM the back gates where one normally has to drop off and collect your offspring are locked by the Headmistress who always greets me and to whom I always now respond in Welsh. And so Joahua has to enter via the front desk and reception.

As ever, I stammer a pathetic excuse but the teachers do not mind. Today, I explained that, in my day, such tardiness at the hell hole that was Warwick School, would result in a“minor”. Three minors and that became a detention, a “dit.” I did not elaborate about what extra punishment sadistic old bastards like Geoffrey Eve would have handed out. The teacher merely said, “no punishments here we just say welcome and good morning.”  God fearing Joshua will see this as being like the parable of the lost sheep.  I fear it will encourage even more tardiness on his part. 

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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