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Why is my local Tory candidate Theo Clarke ashamed of being a Conservative?

Tom Winnifrith
Saturday 7 February 2015

The local Tory candidate for the Bristol East Seat, Theo Clarke has just stuffed a flyer through our letterbox. The Mrs, being a deluded lefty, saw the flyer from Theo – who seems like a nice young lady – and noting the party said “it’s for you.”

Hmmm. I was hoping to see that Ms Clarke wants to slash welfare spending, introduce huge tax cuts for lower paid workers, and tackle the grotesque waste in the NHS and other branches of Government as she reduced the size of our bloated - and totally unaffordable – state. Maybe she might believe in other Tory policies like law and order or lifting the red tape and regulatory burden on small businesses? Er no….

Her priorities are:

1. Better public transport (i.e. widening the deficit by spending more)
2. More local jobs …er, she wants Government to do more to attract businesses and jobs to the area. How about Government does less and so reduces employers NI contributions or business rates so really helping SMEs. As Ronald Reagan once said “The most terrifying words in the English language are I’m from the Government and I’m here to help.”
3. Fighting for the NHS – um apparently that means spending more on building a new unit at the local hospital. Heck, the Tories have increased spending on the NHS year on year and the world’s 3rd largest employer still does not work. How about being honest and saying “making healthcare provision more efficient and stopping providing services like hair removal therapy in demand”
4. Sustainable Housing – here we go again. All hail the Money Tree.  To build more new homes which are greener. How about “let’s give tax breaks to redevelop the 1.3 million empty homes in the UK, etc.”
5. Protect our Greenbelt – okay so those new homes will not be built in our back yard. Well done Nimby Clarke.
6. To be a strong voice for Bristol East. Hmmm who does not claim that? How many MPs say “my ambition is to do sod all in Westminster and trouser as many expenses as possible?”

Having reluctantly concluded that although all the parties are as useless as each other but that I would vote Tory just to annoy the Mrs, I now discover that my Tory candidate is not really a Tory at all and agrees with 95% of what the Mrs supports and very little of what I believe in.

I think I must now organise a postal vote simply in order to spoil it. Ms Clarke, please tell me that you believe in just one basic principle of conservatism and I might reconsider but judging by the piffle I have just read you may well struggle to do even that.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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