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Laughing with my father as I give this present to his carer E

Tom Winnifrith
Saturday 26 September 2020

My father is a closet reactionary who tries to hide some of his less woke opinions from my lefty sisters by continuing to order the Guardian. Its lack of intellectual rigour, fake news and all round sanctimony angers him greatly so, don’t tell sisters T&N, so he far prefers reading a one day old Daily Mail supplied by his delightfully right wing carer E. My last gift to E was a MAGA baseball cap for she is one of Donald Trump’s biggest fans and her high point of recent years was coming within a few feet of the great man as she visited Vietnam. And so for E, a new gift, as you can see below, which arrived at my father’s on Friday.

He also loved it, although he pretends that he is rooting for senile old creepy Joe. E says she will wear it proudly which is jolly brave as some Guardian-reading twit is bound to regard that as a hate crime and report her to the Fuzz who might just take time off from trying to sniff out student parties of 7 people, or taking a knee for someone in America, to give E a warning.

“Madam, expressing your freedom of speech is not illegal but we should warn you that we are, none the less, recording this as an incident and you are now on a register of far-right extremists.” Such is Britain in 2020 that you would not bet against it.

My own suggestion, which made Dad laugh and which he says he agrees with, is that she saves the shirt for visits of my various relatives to “trigger” them. Sister N, who is visiting tomorrow and who is a card-carrying member of the People’s Party and whose husband marched against Brexit, is, I suggest, a very good one to start with.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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