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Bonkers Welsh First Minister Mark Drakeford: buying milk is safe but buying socks in the same store spreads Covid

Tom Winnifrith
Friday 23 October 2020

Three days ago, I asked who was going to certify Welsh First Minister Mark Drakeford as insane after he announced that he was putting the nation under a fire breaker house arrest as of 6PM on Friday. This was needed, we are told, to protect the NHS in Wales. After his latest pronouncement, which marks him out as a true intellectual lightweight in the world of political pygmies, I wonder if there is anyone left in Wales who does not want Drakeford dragged off by the men in white coats?

As part of the house arrest scheme, only shops selling essential goods such as food and drugs can stay open. So Supermarkets are okay right? Er… up to a point.  Our Dear Leader has now clarified that while Tesco in Wrexham will stay open, it will only be allowed to sell food not, for instance, clothes. I assume that Drakeford had a chat with Mr Covid and the top scientists here in Wales and was able to establish that buying a pint of milk created a low risk of Covid transmission but buying a pair of socks was really terrifyingly dangerous.

When this is all over, if this is ever all over, perhaps we poor residents of this rain sodden land will be allowed to see the scientific data justifying these edicts which now mean that until November 9 I will be allowed to trawl the aisles of Tesco in Wrexham to load my basket with 95 items of foodstuffs but cannot go to the clothes aisle to buy a new pair of underpants.  And what about my copy of that must read publication, SmallHolder Magazine which, next month, has a special feature on goat rearing?  I am not sure if Mr Drakeford reckons that I might catch Covid from buying my copy. Is it an essential good?

As I live just yards from the border I shall continue to shop, as I have done since my local store here in Wales forced me to wear a mask, in England where I can go mask free at a store just a mile down the road into free Cheshire. As well as food and drink, I can also buy socks there and Smallholder Magazine.  Thank heavens for the accursed English infidels next door.

Notwithstanding the fact that she is 38 weeks pregnant, the Mrs wonders whether alcohol is considered an essential good so, just in case, will be scuttling into our local store to buy a large bottle of brandy to see us through house arrest. Is brandy an essential good? Maybe Mr Covid says that buying brandy is less risky than buying socks. Who knows? I assume Drakeford has hard data to give us a clear answer.

The Dear Leader seems oblivious to the cancer patients dying an early death after missing tests, the rising rate of suicides, soaring unemployment, businesses going bust, to the misery of folks forced to choose which child they see before they die alone. Drakeford’s lockdowns have done nothing to stop the spread of Covid but everything to accelerate the spread of unhappiness in so many forms across this land. About the only joy we are left is that Drakeford’s edicts are now so utterly ludicrous that you cannot stop yourself from laughing at them. And at him.     

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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