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Grounds for Divorcing the Mrs...she just cannot be serious!

Tom Winnifrith
Saturday 3 September 2016

Given that she is due to give birth to our son in nine days time I might just forgive her but the Mrs is pushing her luck.

Among the very few possessions of mine that are allowed in the house as opposed to the garage are a signed and framed Mark Cavendish shirt which, given what team it is from, is actually quite rare and a framed and signed Geoff Hurst 1966 Replica shirt. That is far less rare and so worth less but as it is from the year West Ham won the World Cup it has sentimental value. And it reminds me of a girl I knew once.

When I say my possessions, I should note that they are not actually mine. They are owned by FIML which is owned by a Trust of which I am not a beneficiary but the Mrs is. I am worth nothing and always will be just in case I get sued for libel by a company that, unlike my current adversary African Potash, is not a nailed down fraud and is not advised by the stupidest lawyers on this planet. But I am the guardian the possessions of the Trust and I rather like the shirts anyway.

The Mrs would rather have a poster for a mythical country called Palestine on the wall and so my shirts sit hidden behind a sofa. They will go to the Greek Hovel if it is ever ready. But back to the divorce.

The Mrs said "I think we should sell the framed shirts on ebay or give them to Oxfam." Bloody hell, if that is not grounds for divorce on the basis of unreasonable behaviour, what is? Saying she has bought a season ticket to Spurs? Investing all her money in African Potash shares? Vetoing calling our son Thomas? Putting my morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley up for sale on ebay? Few crimes could be worse than the one suggested today.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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