52 days ago
This is a cupboard in the largest bedroom at the Welsh Hovel. The original fireplace to its right was covered up when we arrived but is now rediscovered. And what is behind that cupboard was at one time a window. But then along came Good King Billy and the Window Tax of 1696. So you can still see the window on the outside but it is bricked up and has been for 325 years. On the inside, there is thus a window-sized cupboard, an ideal place for a cat.
72 days ago
Do not tell Quincey, the larger and lazier of our two cats, who should be lying on the baby mat. When not sleeping in the baby chair, he has a new place to catch forty winks as you can see below. As for baby Jayarani: well that is not HIS problem is it?
77 days ago
Nobody knows how they will react to death or to the possibility that a loved one is slipping away – I did not cry at the funeral of my father or as I sat by his bed as he died. I had shed a few tears a few days earlier as I sat in his room with him, lying there in a sleep which could only end one way. I cried buckets at the funeral of my grandmother and also when my cat Kitosh died suddenly. At the funeral of Uncle Chris Booker I think I had a moist eye, nothing more. Does that mean I loved my cat more than my father? Of course not. Grief and knowing you may be close to losing someone hits us in different ways and it is, or should be, a private matter. That brings us to, arguably, the most poisonous woman in Britain today.
123 days ago
Someone asked what the big box under the Christmas tree was. It was a sledge for 4-year-old Joshua and so I had hoped for a morning like today when we woke up to snow. It was not thick, perhaps half an inch, but that was enough for the boy to comment on his own footprints as he walked across the farmyard and for a quick exchange of snowballs. Then for sledging which, on your own land, is still not illegal in Wales although that may change.
124 days ago
It was January 5 and a notice came up on Facebook. And so I remembered. It would have been the 20th Birthday of my morbidly obese three-legged cat Oakley. His Facebook page where devotees could watch him in action is still live even if he is not.
144 days ago
This will be our second Christmas without my Godfather and Uncle, Christopher Booker. Every other Christmas in my life, Chris sent first my parents, then my father, then my father and myself a cheese from Cheddar: a real organic product from the county in which he lived and loved, Somerset. Last year, much to my surprise, a cheese arrived as normal. Knowing that he was dying he had, two years ago, placed orders for both 2018 and 2019. But this year I was rather resigned to that tradition ending. This morning a large box arrived at the Welsh Hovel.
164 days ago
Featuring in these family snaps are Joshua, pre haircut, baby Jayarani, myself and Quincey the cat who has responded very well to the new arrival.
228 days ago
I lie of course. How could I inflict such pain on Sian and Quincey (the two rescue cats who boss this house)? However, Oscar (top) and Winston (bottom) are daily visitors at the hovel. They live about 150 yards upstream and seem to escape, go for a swim in the river, and come and visit me once a day. The owners are terribly apologetic and say they are building a bigger fence but I rather hope they don’t as these are wonderful dogs and I enjoy their visit. And it is not as if my cats mind. Should they meet, Quincey arches his back and hisses and the dogs retreat pronto.
263 days ago
Thanks to Google search engines this website will have a few new readers. Sorry you dirty bastards, I fear you may be disappointed by what follows. For starters the pussy below is English.
575 days ago
The Jungle is where we told my young son Joshua that his beloved three legged cat Oakley had gone when he er.. went to a better place. There Oakley plays with the lions and tigers and is happy. But, rather confusingly for Joshua, there is, or was, another jungle here at the Welsh Hovel.
584 days ago
There are two guests in this week’s show, First up I discuss recent events at Bahamas Petroleum (BPC). then I discuss sexism in the City and Big Sofa (BST) with its boss Kirsty Fuller. Then it is on to Adam Reynolds where we cover Sosandar (SOS), Optibiotix (OPTI), Big Sofa (BST), Yourgene (YGEN) and Concepta (CPT). It is during this segment that the cat and the rat feature. If you like this and can’t wait seven days for more of the same you should listen to my Bearcast every day.
729 days ago
I came home to the Welsh Hovel late last night to see cat Quincey sitting outside in the yard. In my absence the Mrs had, for a second time, let him escape his new home. after driving almost 400 miles in a day I let rip with a few choice words and then wasted an hour of my life coaxing the wretched cat back inside where I pounced and recaptured him. He has just rewarded me with another shit on the kitchen floor.
738 days ago
Eight days ago, two four year old rescue cats, Sian and Quincey arrived at our new house, the Welsh hovel. On Monday night it emerged that someone who shall not be embarrassed but is currently attending a sociology conference in Germany, had not closed an internal door properly. Both cats had escaped from the kitchen dining area which is entered via a porch and the main door to the house.
741 days ago
In today’s bearcast I start with missing cat news (there is some hope) and end with news of the ultimate cruel an unusual torture for Andrew Monk. Think of the poor man and donate to rogue bloggers for Woodlarks HERE. I cover Marechale Capital (MAC) and AIM bad boy Leon Hogan, Maestrano (MNO), Redhall (RHL), Management Resource Solutions (MRS), Bould Opportunities (BOU) and Octagonal (OCT). Go on think again of poor Monkey and get the (now) eleven rogue bloggers over the £15,000 mark HERE
830 days ago
Having started last night, as I showed here, the snow carried on till well after noon so we woke up to, perhaps, ten inches of global warming in some parts of the garden. The cat belonging to the Chav family next door went for a brief walk, as you can see below but thought better of it and is now back in our kitchen sleeping on the sofa. the little creature almost lives here now, my catnapping has worked. Joshua also enjoyed the snow.
928 days ago
You may remember my joy this summer when my old friend the black and white cat, to whom I had given milk as a kitten, wandered by with her two kittens. Brace yourself this is not a happy tale.
1007 days ago
Last week I reported on how the, once morbidly obese, three legged cat Oakley had lost 1 kg since April and was in a bad way. It got worse on Friday when the vet suggested that it might be cancer of the stomach but the only way to find out was to do a biopsy which would require an anaesthetic which may well polish him off. Oakley was only nibbling at titbits of smoked salmon, honey glazed ham and other treats and we had a long discussion about quality of life and er..you know what.
1014 days ago
It was not that long ago that my three legged cat Oakley tipped the scales at over 6 kg and was, rightly, described as morbidly obese. The vet warned us that he must diet. It is so very different now.
1112 days ago
Our excellent hipster cat sitter sends photos of Oakley to demonstrate how well the old boy is doing in our absence. But as you can see what they really show is what a tart our cat has always been. A bit of food or chin tickling and old fishy breath is keen to kiss.
1262 days ago
This podcast was interrupted by the sight of my friend the feral cat. Three years ago I gave a black and white feral kitten who had wandered up to the hovel some milk. I am not sure if it is the same creature but now and again a black and white cat stalks the hovel in search of snakes and rats to eat. I hope its the same cat. Anyhow I am excited to see him again and got a picture as you can see below despite him, being feral, not being that friendly. The podcast itself covers Adam Reynolds and the Adam Reynolds stocks many of which we own. I do this in response to Cynical Bear's ill informed mud slinging of earlier.
1369 days ago
This is a very simple contest. Heck Oozi Cats, formerly of Telit Communications (RCM), you have time on your hands right now so why not enter! "don't talk about time" Mr Sheriff please!" said Uzi, Sorry Oozi. I digress. Please look at the four images below and tell us which is the odd one out and why. I have added a musical hint on the fourth one. Post your entries in the comments section below with a deadline of midnight Thursday.
1371 days ago
If you do not follow my financial writings you will not be aware of the Telit PLC scandal which I broke yesterday. This is a big high profile stockmarket listed company and what I revealed HERE was just amazing. Jaw dropping. The shares have duly crashed.
1400 days ago
In England life is so clinical and clean and removed from nature. Our food is covered in plastic. Seeing your cat wander through the cat flap counts as a wildlife encounter. How different life is for me in Kambos, Greece.
1406 days ago
Another one off - this time recorded with my three legged cat Oakley. I am so angry. I touch on MySquar (MYSQ) and what it says about the AIM Casino as a follow up to today's pieces HERE and HERE. But the main focus is on events at Magnolia Petroleum. I give chapter and verse on why CEO Rita should have been fired and what it says about the AIM cesspit that she was not. I discuss today's deal which saves her and expaian why it will not save Magnolia (MAGP). I give your hard data on its impact on cashflows and on the balance sheet. This POS is toast but Rita and her Nomad make me want to barf.
1411 days ago
I never thought that I'd be revelling in changing nappies, watching a baby throw his food everywhere and all the other joys of motherhood n the months leading up to my 50th birthday but I am loving it. The Mrs is away for a few days "working" and returns to full time work in ten days, in as much as that is not a contradiction in terms in the public sector and especially on liberal arts campuses. And so, right now I am the sole carer for nine months old Joshua and in ten days time I will become the primary carer. I am such a fucking feminist - I am almost tempted to chuck in work altogether and then go for a divorce taking the Mrs to the cleaners saying that I had to quit my job to look after Joshua. Only kidding.
1419 days ago
I am pretty much finished here in Greece as I explain in the podcast. And as such I start the journey home tomorrow to spend time in sun-drenched England with the Mrs, Joshua and - of course - Oakley, my utterly pampered three legged cat who is, I gather, now being given iced water to cope with the heat. In this podcast I look at Barclays (BARC), the SFO and the nature of fraud. I look at Thor Mining (THR) where events disgust me and at Ariana Resources (AAU) where I am dissapointed and less accepting than Nigel Somerville is.
1420 days ago
I guess that in England the owner of this dog and this truck would have been locked up by the Health & Safety Executive or prosecuted by the PC nazis at the RSPCA. The poor hound is not muzzled and not on a leash and travels in the back of the truck everywhere. FFS he is not wearing a seat-belt, call the old bill now!
1429 days ago
Okay, as a proud father I am biased, but this photo below is rather sweet is it not? You are always warned that cats might react badly to a baby. I had no worries about my, no longer morbidly obese, three legged cat Oakley. There is not an ounce of jealousy in his body.
1443 days ago
The plants the Mrs and I have planted in our back garden have almost all suffered death by cat defecation. That is to say my fat, though no longer morbidly obese, three legged cat Oakley hads shat them into oblivion. And so during my brief UK visit I have led a drive to re-plant. To complete that task the Mrs, Joshua and I headed to a garden centre here in Bristol today. Before stopping to pick up a few herbs (me0 and some flowers (the Mrs) we sat enjoying an expensive coffee and watched the masses head by.
1504 days ago
My father spent the night in hospital awaiting his operation later today. I head to Warwick later this morning to have a chat before he goes into surgery. Last night he kept himself amused reading a biography of Ted Heath that he had discovered on the ward. Poor Dad: has he not suffered enough? That left me alone in his house here in Shipston with only his cat Obe for company.
1510 days ago
Those of us who are hip trendsetters and thus watch Midsomer Murders (think Graham Norton, Mr & Mrs Adam Reynolds and myself) will remember the battle that the second Inspector Barnaby has with his Mrs as to what will be the first word that their baby says. "Mummy" she repeats often as she states at her daughter."Daddy" says the Inspector again and again. Natch, her first word is Dog, for we all know that - until his retirement - the star of the show was Sykes.
1553 days ago
If there is one thing that my morbidly obese three legged cat hates more than the working classes it is the sound of them at work. Switch on a hoover and he knows that it is the Polish cleaning ladies. Switch on a drill and he knows that it is a little man the Mrs has called in to do some little job for her.
1555 days ago
Above the main field at Butterwell Farm in Byfield was a smaller field. On one side was a continuation of the dry stone wall that separated our land from that of Mr Peter Thompson, on the other the extensive gardens that my mother worked to create. At the bottom ,separating this land from the main field, was a giant old barn which contained a wooden three-seater lavatory seat among other gems. At the top there was another barn which in turn formed one half of one side of the yard behind our house. We we worked hard to turn the barn into a fox proof hen-house. and then started to build up a flock of chickens with the odd bantam picked up along the way, for fun.
1583 days ago
It was Oakley's birthday last week. Thank you to those who left messages for him on his facebook page. He is now fifteen. But I need to record that he is now starting to behave very badly indeed.
1613 days ago
It was in the summer of 2015, I think, that I made the acquaintance of a feral kitten at the Greek Hovel. The timid little thing was terrified of humans but I managed to persuade it to take a few saucers of milk. I did so because I love cats and who cannot love a sweet little kitten? I also thought how much it looked like Kitosh, pictured, the cat I owned before Oakley. And there was self interest at play as well.
1622 days ago
As you may remember, the Mrs forced me to go to a chavtastic shop called The Range to purchase a Christmas hat for our morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley. It appears to be part of a cunning plan for home made Christmas cards. How very spiritual.
1626 days ago
Young Joshua will be roughly 14 weeks old on Christmas day. And so he will not know or care what is going on as long as he is fed and has his nappy changed and stays warm. So I could give him all the tea in China or absolutely nothing and it would really make no impact at all on him. As it happens various caring grandparents and others have already ensured that he has been swamped with clothes and presents for which we are grateful.
No doubt in a couple of years Joshua will, like nearly every other kid in Britain, be caught up in the consumerist and materialist spendfest
1630 days ago
I start with the urgent matter of the weight of my three legged cat Oakley and I take stern warnings from health guru Paul Scott. But there are problems to deal with which the guru may not appreciate. Then I comment again on African Potash (AFPO) which has suffered the usual fate of those PLCs who threaten me with fascist lawyers' letters. Then I work my through Senterra (SEN), Mitie (MTO), China Africa (CAF), Arria (NLG), Instem (INS) and LXB retail (LXB).
1631 days ago
Not only does the Mrs insist that I need to buy a Christmas hat for our morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley but she then tasked me with making the purchase. And thus I found myself in a store called The Range which is a consumerist paradise for poor people with no taste whatsoever. You want a masturbating Christmas gnome for your garden? This is the place to get it. Ghastly Christmas decorations utterly unrelated to the nativity in 15 shades of gold and silver for your council flat are what you crave. Come along to The Range and you will be spoiled for choice.
1676 days ago
I am the main shopper in this household, spinning down to the local Sainsbury once a week to provide for myself, the Mrs, Joshua and, most importantly of all, my morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley. I work with a mental shopping list and wander around in track suit bottoms to blend in with my fellow shoppers. I plod slowly trying to take in the full horror of life in modern Britain. It is addictive but each week I return to then emerge in ever greater despair.
1685 days ago
A couple of midwifes have just visited the Mrs and the 13 day old baby with no name. As I heard the latter screaming I thought I should head upstairs to see what was going on. I am, as you know, a supportive progressive partner if not an outright feminist.
1696 days ago
Actually I call the baby Patrick as I fear that in 40 days time when he is registered he will have another name so I shall enjoy Patrick while I can. In his first night on this planet at the hospital he was an angel. Other babies bawled he did not. However, one night does not make a lifetime.
1700 days ago
Like Labour front bencher Emily Thornberry, our morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley is terrified of actually meeting a member of the working classes. Thus when a man fixing the bathroom wanders in or the cleaners arrive, as soon as they start speaking Polish he bolts and hides. Maybe Oakley is a racist and does not like Poles? Actually It is not that they are speaking Polish as on the odd occassion we have found Brits who will eschew welfare to work for £12 an hour, he also runs, especially when he hears a hoover revving up.
It is not that he is scared of people.
1701 days ago
Once again the Mrs and I tried to assemble the cot yesterday afternoon. It ended with me swearing and she insisting that I was not celebrating the impending birth and bursting into tears. I am really excited by what is happening but not by trying to make this ffing cot. We agreed to try again later.
At about 4 AM today
1711 days ago
Given that she is due to give birth to our son in nine days time I might just forgive her but the Mrs is pushing her luck.
Among the very few possessions of mine that are allowed in the house as opposed to the garage are a signed and framed Mark Cavendish shirt which, given what team it is from, is actually quite rare and a framed and signed Geoff Hurst 1966
1739 days ago
Oakley and I are bracing ourselves for the arrival of the mother in law. Wish us luck. At least I can flee to Shipston tomorrow, my poor cat is trapped with his Pokemon. Then I look at Avanti Communications (AVN) where the shares are surging on the back of an FT report - is this bogus? I look at Messaging International (MES) where I am not interested even after the fall, Magnolia Petroleum (MAGP) and a sector read across from the dire news earlier (HERE), Scotgold (SGZ), Johnston Press (JPR) and then do some detailed maths on African Potash (AFPO) and the loan from the FD's wife which could kill it stone dead on September 1.
1742 days ago
Our friend M popped by last night for an amazing supper prepared by yours truly. The roast chicken stuffed with lemon and ginger really was superb. I would be modest about my culinary skills but it is hard to find anything to be modest about. The strawberry and dessert gooseberry crumble was almost magical. It was almost a perfect 10. I digress. M has in the space of seven days become addicted to Pokemon.
1777 days ago
Who would believe that the fine cat below is the same species as my morbidly obese three legged moggie Oakley. The latter, for some reason, has a deep aversion to the working classes and so when middle class folk arrive he is uber-friendly. When tradesman arrive it is rather different. Right now plumbers are installing a new bathroom for the Mrs and Oakley is spending his entire working day cowering under the duvet in the top bedroom.
Back here in the Greek mountains
1789 days ago
It appears that in our absence, Oakley's cat sitter junior doctor Johnny has done his best to watch TV with the morbidly obese three legged cat. First it was Nigel Farage, Oakley was attentive but naturally he is an "outer" already.
Then it was the football.
1870 days ago
When you are away for a short break what is the priority of the Mrs? It goes without saying that it is worrying about how our morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley is doing.
Is he alright? Is he
1903 days ago
Thank you for your kind messages about my late cat Tara. Today I record with morbidly obese three legged Oakley listening and try to get him excited with an imaginary ffing dog. Actually it is the Chris Oil of cats. I explain. I also look at Stanley Gibbons (SGI), the London Stock Exchange (LSE) and the first placing into the Horse Hill ramp - Evocutis (EVO). Next will be - I predict - Solo (SOLO). I also look at ISDX lobster pots and David Lenigas lies ref Afriag (AFRI).
1905 days ago
Sorry for the delay with this podcast. First up I am still not smoking, second I am delayed as one of my cats seems very ill indeed. Then bloody Andrew Monk of VSA has my mind in torment with a puzzle I cannot do and another where as a chemist - and a boring boatie from Oriel - he just cannot see that there are 2 correct answers. He should have done PPE. Finally a reader demands we show balance, i.e. parrot his unbalanced view. No can do compadre. Puzzle answers in comments section below please.
1949 days ago
I forgot: belated many happy returns to my morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley
It is only now that I logon to facebook for the first time in a week that an alert comes up. How could I forget? Oakley turned 15 on Tuesday. It is on his facebook page.
At least he has had a great week. The Mrs
1960 days ago
Almost thirty years ago, when I lived with the folks who are now godparents to my daughter in Prospect Heights Brooklyn, they went away for a weekend leaving me in charge of the dogs and cat. One of the dogs crapped in the house and in clearing up the mess I contrived to block the downstairs loo. Red faced, I confessed on their return.
There was well concealed displeasure but clearly they viewed me as daft. I am staying with the same folks, now in Crown Heights Brooklyn, and tonight they went out to a play leaving me in charge of my daughter and a cat called Parker who has certain lavatorial issues.
I am sure you can guess what happened next. Yup,
2030 days ago
Today's podcast finds me in a panic as Oakley and I need to do frantic tidying before the Mrs returns to cover our respective sins. Meanwhile Tara the cat is also misbehaving. On the agenda - the great unravels at LGO Energy (LGO) but more especially Tribal Group (TRB) - the latter getting a thorough analysis. Then it is onto JQW (JQW), Alba Minerals (ALba) and the Horse Hill/Horse Shite prospect and Michelmersh Brick (MBH) which leaves me confused, perhaps Chris Bailey of Financial Orbit is geekish enough to assist?
2064 days ago
The local evangelical C of E church seems to be on a recruitment drive and Debbie the vicar has posted a flyer through my door saying that next week she will be praying for my road. Do I have any special requests for her prayers?
Hmmm…could she ask God to ensure that I get a parking space next time I take the car out and come back to find the street chocca? Might the vets practice decide t overcharged me for treating my cat Tara and send me a large refund? Could God ensure that West Ham win its next match as easily as its last two?
Praying for my road…truly how incredibly silly the Church of England has become these days.
2094 days ago
Just a week ago Tara the cat appeared to be a death's door. Now I am £900 worse off but she seems fit as a fiddle.
She semed delighted to see me on Friday morning when I picked her up from the vets, though I was still reeling at the bill. She has a big bald patch on her tummy from the scan and is now on medication six times a day. But that ends in a day or so. She does not appear treatment and has bitten and scratched her impoverished owner several times as I have given her drugs to drink or pills to swallow.
But she is now eating normally, in fact
2098 days ago
The Mrs popped along during visiting hours to see Tara on her overnight stay in hospital. She seems to be perking up and when I have taken out a second mortgage to pay the vets bill I shall go pick her up later today. She seems content and is eating like a horse which is good.
2100 days ago
Thanks for all the enquiries about my cat Tara, who I snapped as she slept earlier today as you san see below. Last night we took her to the vets for emergency blood tests as she was refusing to eat or drink and barely moving. She had lost 600g in bodyweight in six weeks (going down to just 2.7kg) and we feared the worst.
2101 days ago
2220 days ago
A good day on all fronts - although condolences due to Wildrides regarding his cat - all cat owners know how he feels today. I digress. In this podcast I look again at Horse Hill and my mind wanders back to 2003 and Avington. I look at Coms and ask if Dave Breith is an insider dealer as well as a shite ex-CEO? Then it is on to Tethys Petroleum en passant Software Radio and then the highlight of the day, POS AIM Casino dog with fleas Clear Leisure appointing Big Ray Zimmerman and his bunch of muppets at ZAI Corporate Finance as its new Nomad.
2238 days ago
The cats were hungry. Capitalist cat Tara is skinny but greedy because greed is good. Morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley is always hungry and they both let me know that after a hard day in bed they need food
2248 days ago
No-one in this house will be voting UKIP and indeed our morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley has made a visible anti UKIP statement of which more later. But Nigel Farage is right on scrapping all race discrimination laws at work - indeed he should have gone further. The BBC's coverage of this here in Bristol is a total shocking disgrace paid for with my taxes and I am livid.
2279 days ago
Once again apologies to any pervs who are disappointed having found this page via SEO. For the first time Tara ( the sleek but greedy cat) and the morbidly obese three legged Oakley are in action (or lack of it) together. As you can see Benefits Street when fully sprawled out takes up half a double bed. He thinks it is his bed. The Mrs and I used to think that it was ours.
2281 days ago
I guess some of you might have arrived at this page via google or whatever expecting something different. Sorry pervs, this is just another video of Tara, the lifelong friend of my morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley. Unlike Benefits Street who will play up to the camera, Tara seems terrified of it. As I prepared to shoot she was waving her paws around for no apparent reason. The camera appears and she just stares at it - very sweet but more inaction than in action
2285 days ago
It strikes me that videos of my morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley are now getting more views than some of the writers on ShareProphets. Perhaps I should fire a few of the scribes and just go into business with my cat? Maybe not. As Oakley is a 14 year old obese cancer survivor the actuaries would not rate this long term business model.
Oakley regards our marital bed as his own and gives me a dirty look when I intrude on him and the Mrs. Normally fishy breath snuggles up to the deluded lefty and gazes adoringly into her eyes. And she reciprocates and they talk about Coronation Street and other matters that concern folks from the Grim North. But if he hears my footsteps he heads off to the other end of the bed and plays all innocent.
And so as the public sector worker
2291 days ago
In response to popular demand (The Mrs, Mu, Darren, Martha and Brokerman Dan) I bring you a short video of my morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley taking his morning exercise and negotiating the (extra large) cat flap.
2536 days ago
It was something about being untidy. Oh and loud conversations with Lucian Miers about the same “boring stuff.” Anyhow the Mrs has issued a diktat. My office is now in the garage rather than the kitchen or living room.
It is not so bad out here. The garage is effectively a storage room as it backs onto a grassy path which no-one uses. It is light and spacious although a good part of it is taken up housing possessions deemed surplus when combining the households of two folks who only hooked up twenty years into adult life. I think it might get a little cold in the winter and I might beg for a Yuletide transfer back into the house as the snow starts to fall.
But pro tem I am now banished to the garage. Oakley, my three legged cat may be next. He has again disgraced himself in the matter of his lavatorial habits and is currently suffering an ASBO, allowed only in the kitchen. I sense that any more transgressions could see him joining me in the garage.
2599 days ago
I have no idea what set him off but Oakley, my three legged cat, is in disgrace. Repeatedly he has been doing his ablutions not in the garden but on the first floor landing. He has been spoken to firmly and on a number of occasions but to no avail. The vet says we must not spank him and so we do not. But there is no alternative, an ASBO has been issued.
As such he is now confined to the kitchen where there is no carpet to tempt him and from where it is only a short hop to the garden. I think the problem is sheer laziness. All that Oakley does is sleep (historically under the duvet in the spare bedroom), eat (too much), drink and that is it. Not a lot goes through his brain because he is not a terribly intelligent beast. All in all he is ideally suited to become an investment analyst at Numis Securities.
From the bedroom the landing is s short hop, the garden involves going up and down the stairs and a long hop. So it is idleness that has caused the Anti-Social behaviour. In due course carpets will be replaced with floorboards and Oakley will once again be allowed the run of the house. But pro tem, and despite numerous mewlings and complaints, he must slumber in the kitchen on his West Ham blanket. The ASBO is being strictly enforced.
2602 days ago
Heck it is on twitter so it must be true. Apparently following an exchange of comments about Tom’s piece earlier today on POS stock Iofina (HERE) the headhunters have been instructed to approach Oakley (pictured below).
Oakley is the one on the right. Tara still thinks that if you slash forecasts you keep the target price unchanged so she should not be an analyst should she?
Does a new career as an analyst covering junk AIM stocks such as Iofina beckon for Oakley? Well at least he understands that if forecasts are changed then by definition the valuation of a stock must change. You don’t need to be FCA regulated to get that do you? Even if tara and certain others have not worked it out yet.
The tweet which unearthed this surprising news is below:
BREAKING NEWS: @TomWinnifrith's cat headhunted by broker Numis Securities
2644 days ago
Kitosh came to me as a kitten and had a varied life in Islington, Shoreditch, France and finally in the Isle of Man. I remember well the Paris to Douglas train, taxi, train, train, ferry and taxi journey we made together. His sudden death in Douglas a few years ago was a real blow. His ashes have travelled with me since then but have remained for almost two years in a wooden urn hidden at Real Man Pizza in Clerkenwell. Now his final journey begins.
Born on a council estate in Walthamstow he would not have imagined that he would have been so well travelled. But the travelling is now over.
Now that I have a sense of permanence, the Mrs and I have agreed that Kitosh’s urn can be buried in our garden underneath the fig tree. We are not sentimental enough to contemplate some grand ceremony. It will just be the Mrs watching as I dig a deep hole and in goes the urn. The tree marks the spot.
During some years of upheaval for me Kitosh was the one constant in my life and a portrait of him already hangs in the new house as a reminder of that. I am not sure the Mrs is that impressed but she has let it go. So this weekend it is the final farewell, RIP Kitosh my good friend.
2658 days ago
Of course Oakley will always be Oakley and later this week we look forward to the installation of a dog flap which allow the obese but adorable creature to venture outside without us opening a door. Currently he can get no more than his head through the cat flap.
The Mrs has fallen in love with Oakley and has started calling him “Darling”. That used to be my name! As an alternative she is calling him “Pudding” which given that she is from the Grim North must be a reference to something that comes in a large portion and is very thick.
My own recently coined nickname is “Benefits Street” on the basis that Oakley spends the whole day in bed, will occasionally do a mess on the carpet because he thinks he has rights without responsibilities, while now and again popping downstairs to demand an extra-large hand-out from the Food Bank.
2671 days ago
I stumble out of bed at 5.30 determined to sub more of Zak Mir’s book before the markets opened. But I have an excuse, the back door is open and whilst one cat (Tara) is sitting there waiting for breakfast, my aged three legged cat Oakley is nowhere to be seen. Aha…hunt for Oakley and I can defer the torture of subbing Zak’s book – great news.
I stroll out into the garden and hear wailing from next door. Peering over the wall I see that, somehow, a hugely overweight cat with three legs has managed to make it over. But he appears unable to attempt the return journey and is just wailing. But it is 5.35 and our neighbours do not strike me as early risers. Indeed by 7.15 when the Mrs emerges to cook my breakfast there is still no light on at Number 58.
But then there is a wailing from outside the back door. It is Oakley. After God knows how many hours he has managed to remember how he got over the wall in the first place and has returned. Since he is far too obese to fit through the cat flap (we are buying a dog flap this weekend) he now demands to be let in. The Mrs, who loves Oakley more than she loves me, enjoys a tearful reunion with possibly the stupidest cat in South West England.
Drama over. Now to Zak’s book.