Louise Mensch

3994 days ago

Blocking some tool (Clive Winward) on twitter

This moron tweets me directly now and again accusing me of buying shares, tipping them and selling. That is called pump and dump and it is illegal. I do not do it and have never done it. My share dealing records are open for all to see. To make my life rather simpler these days I just do not deal in shares at all. Winward knows this and knows that if I have an interest in anything I write about I declare it, but happily runs a twitter account solely for the purpose of sending tweets to @tomwinnifrith making this accusation.

And so at three levels:

1. What a pathetic way for Clive to spend his life.  What sort of cretin just keeps himself happy tweeting a defamatory statement for which he has no evidence (for there can be none) for pleasure.  Cannot he get a more socially acceptable hobby like masturbating to hard core pornography?

2. I am not going to demand he be banned from twitter or sue him. He is a cretin but I believe in free speech and this Louise Mensch Idea that you spend half your life reporting obvious loons to the Old Bill is just silly.

3. I am happy to engage in sensible dialogue on twitter but simply receiving a stream of abuse and defamatory comments adds nothing to my life. I do a job and get on with it. Clive can tweet away as he wishes, when not heading off to download his next dose of hard core porn, but I have no interest in seeing his rubbish appear in my twitter stream so I blocked him.


3997 days ago

Louise Mensch – what don’t you get about freedom you silly cow?

Last summer we thought that we had heard the last of the dreadful author of crap books Louise Mensch after she got bored of being a Tory MP and quit to spend more time with her family in the US. I guess it is late morning NY time but Mensch’s poor kids have not seen much of mummy so far today as she has spent all morning on twitter.

First up she stuck the boot into RadFem2013. Good for you Louise.

Then she found comments made by a twitterer called @petercoles44 offensive and started tweeting insanely about how someone should call the Met Police, twitter should boot him off, etc.

Coles has now deleted his tweet which offended Mensch prompting the devoted mother to tweet:

Coles appears to have deleted his tweet before the police come knocking at the door. Now make me a sandwich, troll. #feminism

So it is okay for Mensch to stick the boot into the dungaree wearing loons at RadFem2013 in a way which might offend the crackpot wimmin but if someone says something Mensch finds offensive she threatens to call the Old Bill who – as we know – are all too keen on arresting tweeters.

Ooooooo #Girlpower or should that be #fascistcow or #killfreespeech


4070 days ago

Mensch to the US, Miliband (D) to US, Piers Moron to US – who else do you want to go?

The UK is three people better off with news that David Miliband is joining Louise Mensch and Piers Moron in America. But in a reverse of those old balloon debates from school I wonder which other seven folks would you really want to join Miliband D on a one way flight to New York? It is a hard choice in assembling any such list but for what it is worth my top 7 to leave would be:

1. Abu Qatada

2. Heather Frost (and children)

3. Hugh Grant

4. Sir Alex Ferguson

5.  Vince Cable

6. Polly Toynbee

7. Cherie Blair ( aka the wicked witch)

The more I think about the more I could pack a whole plane with such folk but having to choose a top 7 there you go. Disagree?

PS. Do you think I should have asked Mr Grant's permission before I published this article?


4116 days ago

Friday Caption Contest (on Saturday)- Liar & Criminal Chris Huhne Edition

It could have been Lasagne but that horse has bolted and so, talking of speeding we turn to Chris Huhne, liar and criminal and ex MP. As Mr Huhne awaits his £70,000 pay off (who said that crime does not pay?) and plays with his £600 iPad (claimed on expenses a few days ago) I ask you to provide a caption for this picture

The winner will receive a Chris Huhne Liar! Criminal! t-shirt, which you can also order (along with the mug & hoodie) here.

For what it’s worth my caption is:


4122 days ago

Friday Caption Contest (on Sunday) – Conservative 2015 Election Triumph Strategy Edition

Apologies for the delay in the Friday caption contest – it is all Zak Mir’s fault.

I really cannot think of anything particularly important to prompt tasteless caption entries this week and so fall back on the issue which George Osborne says will be at the heart of the next Tory manifesto and which is guaranteed to bring the faithful back to the Conservative fold.

As you know, I would allow gay marriage. But I cannot say that it is the number one issue on my mind right now. The way that the Tory party is tearing itself apart with half its MPs revealing themselves as knuckleheaded bigots while the other half show themselves as being even more out of touch by making this such a number one priority is almost comical. If the Tories are to tear themselves apart at least they could do it over something that matters like the EU or the fact that Britain is going bankrupt.

Anyhow, to win an “It’s time to leave” T-shirt please post your captions in the comments box below (Jon Pickles, this has to be an easy Prince Harry one for you)

You can, of course, buy your own It’s Time to Leave T-shirt, hoodie, mug or thermos flask here.

For what it is worth my entry is:


4202 days ago

My Drunken Error, Disappearing Viagra and Corby goes to the Polls

Zak Mir tells me that he feels like death after leading me astray with our all night drinking session. Good. It serves him right. I feel the same way but have now realised the truly horrible consequences of my actions. That is to say I appear to have arranged at some stage during the evening to meet someone else for supper tonight. You can safely assume that I shall not be drinking alcohol and that I will not be staying out late. I am too old for all of this.

Meanwhile Corby goes to the polls today in a by-election caused by the resignation of the frightful Louise Mensch.


4210 days ago

Obama wins – UK Election Coverage Awful, BBC dismal

Okay I admit it, I tried to watch a bit of the Biased BBC coverage. Three minutes of Newsnight was enough for me. This organisation gets taxpayer’s money to offer balance. And so I sat through a discussion with a stuffed British shirt ( who turned out to be novelist Martin Amiss), a horrible hag from Newsweek in the US who made Amiss look like a neocon and some third rate Republican ex Governor who was occasionally allowed a word or two for “balance”.

The bon mot from Amiss was that Ronald Reagan would be rejected by today’s Republican Party for being far too left wing. Paxman looked bored and did not bother to challenge this obvious lie which was part of the night long deluded leftie luvvy agenda of portraying everyone in the GOP as racist, sexist, homophobes who want to shoot all poor people. And so for some balance he turned to the old hag from Newsweek


4230 days ago

Louise Mensch – Hypocrite But Always Entertaining

You may remember the pain that I felt when Louise Mensch announced that she was to leave Parliament – indeed I pleaded with her to reconsider (HERE) but he author of some of the UK’s worst ever fiction could not be dissuaded. The joy of Mensch was that she is truly stupid and thus allowed me to write easy articles full of cheap jokes. Boy do I miss her.

Indeed I remember only too well her last big appearance, grilling Rupert Murdoch


4276 days ago

Baroness Warsi – the New Louise Mensch & a Christmas Prize for me

I saw an advert for Christmas goods yesterday – that is 1st September. It strikes me that Christmas is still rather a long way away. Do I win a prize for the earliest Christmas spot of the year? Or did someone pick up on something in August?

Meanwhile I see that the gap left by the imminent retirement of Louise Mensch MP for the “thickest Tory politician” is rapidly being filled by Tory Party chairwoman Baroness Warsi. I do not know much about this frightful creature and what she has ever done outside politics apart from the fact that she plays the professional Northerner. From what I can see she has not really been a great party chairperson and is now pleading to keep her job because she can “reach out to women, ethnic minorities and Northerners” and so help Call Me Dave with the next election.


4281 days ago

In Defence of Louise Mensch MP – Nadine Dorries is Wrong

As regular readers will know I think Louise Mensch MP is a stupid and self centered woman. Her airheaded decision to be an MP and then to quit half way through her first term is pretty pathetic. She claims she wants to spend more time with her kids but is also trying to grow her business interests. The whole thing is a bit rum. My main grip was just that she was pretty thick and said the daftest things on regular occasions ( see HERE,, HERE, and HERE. )

But Dorries, the MP for Mid Bedfordshire who is, I gather known in some circles, as Mad Nad, has another gripe. I lift the following from today’s Daily Telegraph:


4302 days ago

Please Do not Quit as an MP – a video appeal to Louise Mensch

Forgive the appearance. A long day on the road. But I had to make this personal video please to Louise Mensch. She may say some incredibly dumb things. Her novels are dire. But still, please Louise do not stand down as an MP. Surely there is time to reconsider?


4304 days ago

Louise Mensch Quits – And talks Rubbish Again

Louise Mensch, the thickest MP in Westminster (see here, here, and here) and also the author of a series of novels which are an insult to basic human intelligence has announced that she is standing down as an MP and moving to New York. Our gain, America’s loss. But she cannot leave without talking more rubbish.
She told her local newspaper that she is quitting to spend more time with her family because she cannot juggle the various demands, bla, blah, blah. Like remind me just how many weeks holiday a year MPs get? It makes you wonder how the rest of us get by. But then the paper, in a clearly spoon fed release notes:

The author recently launched her own social networking site menschn.com, as a rival to twitter where she has 100,000 followers. She is now expected to concentrate on building the popularity of the site.

We shall leave aside the fact that most of Mensch’s twitter followers are by her own admission ‘bots since even by the low standards of twitter her own thoughts are too inane to attract real followers. Louise appears to want to have her cake ( and fear not Louise I am not using the word in the rap sense, we know that you have moved on since then) and eat ( not snort) it.


4315 days ago

Louise Mensch MP – Dumb and Dumbest The Final Word (for now)

Louise Mensch MP is thick as two short planks. That should be obvious to anyone who has heard her talk about her life with Charlie and her thoughts on drug use that resulted from it; or about how falling petrol prices were down to Tory rule or indeed to anyone who has investigated quite how truly dreadful her books are. I promised that I would have just one more look at the sheer inadequacy of what passes for her thought process and so we turn to her suggestion made on April 25th this year that the grateful taxpayer needs to subsidise local papers.

Where do you start with such utter cobblers?

The Mensch thesis is that local papers closing is a “threat to democracy.” Er… please go on. This is because only local rags will cover expense fiddling by back bench MPs and scandals in the local town hall. And so Mensch seems to think that without the local rag, the electorate will not get to hear what a bunch of crooks we have representing us? It appears so.


4321 days ago

Caption Competition – Damian Conboy Special

In the week that Prime Minister David Cameron told a stack of lies about cutting spending and the deficit before flying off to inspect our troops in Afgnaistan claiming that an orderly withdrawal was possible in 2014 (another lie), Call Me Dave should be in the spotlight for the caption contest. But instead I turn to my favourite colourful mining boss, proven liar Damian Convoy of AIM listed Alecto Resources (ALO) as featured here and here.

My entry is:

Damian over the loudspeaker: “ Welcome gentlemen to the AGM of Alecto Resources. I have been networking hard on your behalf and may I introduce you to your new team of competent persons who will be showing off their resource estimates later.”


4327 days ago

Caption Contests old and New – Louise Mensch Special

The biggest driver of traffic here this week was the article discussing the views of the late Ayatollah Khomeni on bestiality. But it is hard to think of a suitable caption competition which might not offend just too many people. And so, with regret we return to dumb and dumber, drug obsessed and uber-authoritarian, MP Louise Mensch. The picture is below and always tweet your entries to @tomwinnifrith by 4 PM Monday to win one of our Piss off Argentina mugs.

My entry: Kid One: “So where did you put the dope then?” Kid Two – “she’s standing at the back”

Last week’s I asked for a caption for this photo

Our Judge, a man who is shown to have excellent judgement because he says I “look good” decided that the wittiest entry was Yes, I did say that Barclays was number one for fixed rates, which came from your very own travelling correspondent in the Balkans. And so no prize awarded.

Better luck to you all this week


4332 days ago

Louise Mensch MP on Drugs: Dumb & (now) Dumber

I have been wanting to write about Louise Mensch MP ever since I pointed out what a daft bint she was (here) a couple of weeks ago. I am delighted that she has presented me with an opportunity so soon. My desire to have another crack is partly driven by just how silly a person this MP is and partly because I was accused of misogyny in having a pop at her and Chloe Smith MP last time around.