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Things that became racist in 2021 No 136 – inviting your nearest and dearest to your own funeral

Tom Winnifrith
Monday 19 April 2021

Under this country’s bonkers covid laws you are now allowed only 30 folks at a funeral plus the corpse even if that corpse is the husband of the Queen. It was the same rule for Phil the Greek as it was for my late father.

And for almost exactly the same reason all the folks at both funerals were, like the corpse, white.  That reason being that the wife of Phil’s Grandson, a person of colour, that is to say odious Meghan Markle, could not attend as she was too heavily pregnant, just as the wife of my father’s son ( that is is to say my Mrs, also a person of colour) could not travel as she was quite literally days from giving birth. And so both funerals were all white.

This should not really be a matter of controversy but for BBC presenter Jeremy Vine it was as he asked is this a problem? Perhaps a career in the BBC has left Vine so woke that he cannot see the madness of this all. Both Phil’s family and my father’s are big. My father had six children and step children so – with partners – that is already 12 guests. Throw in teenage or above grandchildren and that adds another 15. His sister is another one. Cripes we are at 28. Which of his twelve living first cousins or six nephews and nieces might attend (without partners to console them). Cripes what about his carer and his two oldest friends.  Jeepers but we need 4 BAME folks so that the funeral represents modern Britain. Luckily one of those friends (Neil M) is a person of colour so we are getting there but are still under quota. Call the diversity Police!

Phil the Greek was a generation older than my father so  he had almost as many adult direct descendants and spouses as my Dad but perhaps, to keep Vine happy, he should have told Princess Andrew’s kids and their husbands that they would not be welcome and invited Marcus Rashford, David Lammy MP, Lenny Henry and Naga Munchetty instead?

Anyone thinking in this way is clearly bonkers. But I guess inviting folks you actually loved to your own funeral is now something that, like cheese, trees, women’s hockey, knickers, fancying Rishi Sunak or Priti Patel, dating a person of colour, not dating a person of colour, fried chicken and so much else besides, can de deemed racist as well.

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About Tom Winnifrith
Tom Winnifrith is the editor of When he is not harvesting olives in Greece, he is (planning to) raise goats in Wales.
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