Personal and undiluted views
deluded lefty

170 days ago

More woke morons in Canada - hell's teeth Darren your countrymen think you might be pregnant!

Being a Canadian, my best man Darren Atwater is a bearded uber-woke deluded lefty. Like his beloved leader Justin Trudeau, when he puts his socks up for the Winter holiday which he dares not call Christmas lest he offends someone of another religion or none, Darren always uses an Eid sock or a Pride Parade one. But even he must find it mildly disconcerting that many of his fellow countrypeople might think that my portly pal could be pregnant. We reactionary conservatives reckon that only women get pregnant but in Canada such a statement would be condemned as alt right freakery and – amid a twitter storm – there would be demands for instant career ending sanctions. It seems to be what the Canucks call progress.

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289 days ago

The least credible Britain bashing in the Guardian, from Arwa Mahdawi

I got a bit of grief about an article I wrote about the village in which I live on the basis that it covered what I felt had happened to me and what would happen to me here. But surely that is what writing is all about? If it is to be genuine and from the heart it is about what you actually experience. This brings me to Arwa Mahdawi writing the the Guardian about what a ghastly and hostile place Britain has become over the past year since Brexit. She is utterly entitled to that opinion though it is not one that, for instance, my wife, like Arwa, a British born person of colour (and fellow deluded lefty) would recognise. But there is something which differentiates the Mrs from Arwa…my wife actually lives here. Arwa lives in New York and admits to having not been back in old Blighty for more than a year.

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397 days ago

Photo Article - why won't the Mrs let me fly my new flag?

I felt that I deserved a small present so ordered myself a new flag which is about 5 foot wide.. I have a T-shirt and some bumper stickers on the way which of a similar nature and have also ordered a special T-shirt for my father’s carer E who is a most enlightened individual. Anyhow, can you work out why the Mrs – a woman formerly known as the deluded lefty – who like all lefties claims to believe in free speech, won’t let me fly it?

 

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596 days ago

Photo Article: It is world book day and Joshua is not Howard Roark

It being World Book day you are meant to go to school or nursery as your literary idol.I suggested Joshua go as Howard Roark. He looked confused. the Mrs, the woman formerly known as the deluded lefty, looked unimpressed. And thus he has gone to nursey as….The gruffalo

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867 days ago

Is Dead Ringers on BBC Radio 4 the worst possible way to spend my license fee?

Whoever is driving the car gets to choose the radio station. Thus, when I was at the wheel, I refused to listen to Radio 2’s utterly gormless Sarah Cox who earns a telephone number salary doing drivetime as part the station’s campaign to show that it does not pay mega salaries only to men. The local radio station in Cannock Chase, I kid you not, was far more interesting.  But as we headed towards Bristol the Mrs switched to Radio 4 for the 6.30 Comedy show…

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1033 days ago

Photo article: on Brexit which sort of remoaner are you?

This article is for my public sector employed, Guardian reading, wider family. It is for the oh so middle class lefty sociologist pals of the Mrs and for my business partner Darren Atwater who, being Canadian, is on the wrong side of history on everything and is by definition a deluded lefty. When it comes to Brexit, which sort of remoaner are you?

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1417 days ago

The New Game Show for deluded lefty liberals and dipstick millennials

No comment is needed from me...

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1703 days ago

Photo Article Coal Not Dole (in English & Welsh). Of course that was not the choice

As a momento of the trip that the Mrs and I paid to the Welsh mine turned museum at Blaenavon I bought a nice new mug for her morning tea which you can see below. She is after all the woman known as the deluded lefty until she married me. My own coffee mug celebrates two great British PMs, the Iron Duke and the, greatest of them all, The Iron Lady. We are, as you know, a divided household.

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1760 days ago

Great lines for New Year's Eve with the mad lefty friends of the Mrs, Marine Le Pen could be a winner

I have begged for a pass but it seems that I am committed to spend New Year's Eve with the deluded lefty friends of the Mrs, public sector workers the lot of them. The venue is, I think the house where the Mrs attended the 2015 General Election "victory party" which included that classic line "This can't be happening, I don't know anyone who votes Tory". I was almost sorry I missed that one.

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1772 days ago

Entering a den of Guardian readers in East Oxford I have to tell a white lie

For reasons that I shall go into at another time, I found myself in East Oxford with time to kill and so wandered into a rather scruffy looking cafe where the locals head in for a slice of granola cake and fairtrade coffee produced in a Nicaraguan commune. This is a middle class enclave where houses cost £600,000 but where everyone votes Labour, Lib Dem or Green and where Tory is a four letter word. It is easier to buy weed than a copy of the Daily Mail and on June 23rd anyone who did not vote Remain was outed as an intolerant bigot and drummed out of town. 

I strolled in past two old codgers who were discussing some crime or other that the evil capitalists had committed and how the workers could put the world to rights. I found a seat, plugged in my laptop and ordered a coffee.

As I stood

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1812 days ago

The Guardian Front page fisked on Brexit mob - it is just a lie

I am with my father in Shipston and the old fool is still delighting in ordering the awful Guardian newspaper. Indeed it gives the deluded lefty real pleasure in torturing me by reading out articles which even he accepts are complete and utter nonsense. Let's start with today's front page splash: "May told to act to calm Brexit "mob" anger. Hmmm.

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1861 days ago

Pizza Hardman: how about naming your son Thatcher Winnifrith?

Given that the pizza Hard Man Darren Atwater is Canadian, thus by definition a deluded lefty, you have to give him credit for the idea. We now have only 41 days to find a name for my son and there is still no resolution to the dispute between myself and the Mrs. Maybe I should tell the Mrs that my best man gets the casting vote in the event of a deadlock and that he is going for Thatcher as a first name?

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1869 days ago

A poem by my utterly deluded democracy denying father on Brexit

I have noted before how my father's father, Sir John Winnifrith, was a spokesman for No in the 1975 Referendum but his son is cut from a different cloth. Like nearly all of my family, my Dad is a Guardian reading, money tree worshipping, deluded lefty enjoying a prosperous retirement thanks to a wholly unjustifiable public sector pension. And thus on June 23rd he voted remain and has now written a poem on Brexit. Its a good poem if almost entirely composed with lies and half truths.

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1892 days ago

Talk about filial devotion: I have to go buy a Guardian in public again

For the third day, despite receiving clear instructions to deliver the loathsome Guardian Newspaper to my father here in Shipston and despite promising to do so, the Newsagent has failed. And that means that I must again head down to the shop in a few minutes to pick up the rag.

I shall explain loudly

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1906 days ago

Heading to the shop with my New University Rafia Bag - as least its not the Sociology Association One

Jeepers!. Folks must have thought I was a deluded lefty as the Mrs sent me off to Sainsbury's with a rafia bag emblazoned with the name and logo of her "new" university on it, so as not to use any plastic bags. It could have been worse, the Mrs does have one from a recent conference she attended. It boasts the emblem of "The British Sociology Association." It might as well say "mad middle class Guardian reading lunatic."

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1992 days ago

Hooray! The Mrs votes Tory for the first time ever...a small step

The first time I encountered the woman who is now known as the Mrs but was formerly "The Deluded lefty" she made her views known by passing me her copy of The Guardian saying there was an article in it that I might find interesting. Since I fancied her big time, and still do, I did not respond "you must be kidding you daft lefty" but dutifully read the complete and utter piffle and feigned interest. On our second date I did not hold back as we had a big row over affirmative action. 

But our relationship has survived. Her pals who are even more deluded than the Mrs quickly branded me as "the fascist boyfriend" for thought crimes like going to Lady Thatcher's funeral rather than having a party, for voting Tory and for believing in capitalism, Israel, freedom etc, etc.

The Mrs is this morning cheered by her news that the University Lecturers - greedy and lazy bastards - are going on strike to get even more money for doing sod all work. They better hurry up as pretty soon their 10 week summer vacation starts and they might actually have to cut into their Tuscany break to head back to Britain to man ( sorry, person) a picket line.

As a sociology lecturer, the Mrs has mad left views hard-coded into her DNA. She has never voted anything other than Labour. Until today.

Okay

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2123 days ago

The Global warming nutters are having a field day in New York but I win a small victory

It has been a warm December here in New York and the global warming nutters are having a field day. As you may be aware, New Yorkers think that the Big Apple is the centre of the Universe and that the flyover states, being populated by God fearing, gun owning, law abiding , hard working Republicans, can be ignored completely. So we can all ignore the deep snows and floods in Texas, the planet is heating up becuase New York is warmer than normal.

The local weather reprt on CBS News just told me that we have enjoyed the warmest ever December in New York. Hmmm..warmer than the Medieval warm period? warmer than, say, 1500 BC? How does CBS know? Of course what CBS means

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2168 days ago

Back with my Dad – here have the Amnesty Christmas Catalogue he says

And so I am back in Shipston with the deluded lefties, my father and step mother. On Syria, Jihadi John, supermarket waste we, rather alarmingly, find ourselves in agreement. But then they produce the Amnesty Christmas catalogue. My heart sinks.

Amnesty thinks the US is evil for executing its own citizens. The Saudis can do no wrong even though on a per capita basis they are top of the execution pops. Amnesty loves the Palestinians and loathes the Israelis. I ask where is the tea towel celebrating Gaza gay pride? My step mother is not impressed.

My father has marked me down for a book called something like

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2231 days ago

Capitalism Makes the World a better place for all (Greed is Good) – The Mrs is allowing me to lecture to her sociology students

The Mrs has finally relented, realising that if I give a lecture to her students then it is one less for her, an overworked public sector employee, to have to prepare for. And so her students in sociology will have their “capitalism module” lecture from me. This will be a bit of a shock since, as you might imagine, the gist of this module is normally “Capitalism is evil”.  My lecture will be titled “Capitalism Makes the World a Better Place for all” with the subtext – Greed is Good.

I cannot wait. For too long these impressionable young folk have had their minds filled with failed Marxist theories by folks with no private sector experience. Now they get to learn how the world really works and why the answer to all its problems is more capitalism and more freedom not more intervention and oppression by the dead hand of the State.

The Mrs, the woman formerly known as the deluded lefty, has imposed two conditions.

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2281 days ago

Photos from Shipston: Note to the Mrs, Raspberries don't grow in Tesco's punnets

The Mrs and I are separated by two great divides.  The first is that she is a deluded lefty who belies in the State rather than the individual and that capitalism is the root of all evil rather than the engine of mankind’s progression whereas I am a libertarian. The second is that she is a townie who has never lived where I grew up, the country.

So though an enthusiastic meat eater she recoils at the idea of killing anything. I find it easy. And I sometimes think that she thinks that raspberries and potatoes grow in punnets at Tesco. So just for her a couple of pictures…

My father’s garden in Shipston is full of life. And so there are raspberries a plenty to pick, the last of the potatoes and strawberries, red currants, black currants and still to come gooseberries and yet more raspberries.

Note to the Mrs & other townies:

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2291 days ago

So this Japanese babe said “you’re an interesting man can I come and interview you?”

In Free Speech & Liberty Pizza House every table is topped with a little card explaining why we are called what we are called and a bit about the work we do on ShareProphets. Folks read them and the feedback is great, after all who doesn’t believe in free speech? 

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2318 days ago

Tom Winnifrith Bearcast - 18 June - Outing my father

My father enjoys me describing him as a deluded lefty in these podcasts but, today, I out him for some of his reactionary glories. I then move on to New World Oil & Gas, Sefton Resources, and, in detail, Sirius Minerals. 

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2322 days ago

Sunday Treats from the Mrs

Next week it is a party organised by the maddest lefty among the mad lefties who the Mrs counts as her friends. The last time I met this woman she was celebrating the application of an academic colleague to obtain taxpayer funding on a project "how black women have suffered under austerity". You really do not know where to start with such nonsense but I am booked in for another dose of it a week today.

But as a bit of a warm up, the Mrs has arranged a treat for this afternoon, visting the Bristol refugee fair. I somehow think that I may be the ideological fish out of water. I brace myself.

I should note that though my Mrs may be a deluded lefty she has numerous plus points among which is her amazing tolerance of my views. Free speech denier she is not. Although, to avoid getting duffed up this afternoon, I suspect that I may be biting my lip on a number of occassions.

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2329 days ago

Weekly postcard #115 - a weekend taunting the deluded lefty my father

I record this podcast in Shipston where I have spent the weekend with my deluded lefty father. We have now worked out how to switch on the TV and found ourselves watching Benefits Britain. That and the Oxfam story in the Mail on Sunday form the subject matter of this week's postcard.

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2385 days ago

Postal matters

I hope that I am not too late but yesterday I posted, first class, my postal vote application for the General Election. The Mrs had offered to post it but given her track record of Labour dirty tricks (not including me on the electoral register) I declined that offer. And so, assuming I have applied in time, I am off.

Meanwhile the Mrs, the woman formerly known as the deluded lefty, received a card in an envelope with a stamp showing the face of Britain’s Greatest ever Prime Minister, Baroness Thatcher. I told the Mrs to throw away the card but to treasure the envelope. She was not amused.

 

 

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2400 days ago

Amanda does not understand the Seagull issue and is cross with me

I wrote yesterday that I was considering voting Labour because it is only the People’s Party and its local standard bearer Ms Kerry McCarthy that understand the critical important of tackling the seagull menace here in Bristol East and have pledged to put it top of their agenda. My good friend Amanda is cross with me and has sent me a stern email.

Whilst I accept her point that the economy, Europe, crime and other matters are important I am still in two minds. Perhaps her reaction is symptomatic of how out of touch folk in London are with life in the rest of the country? What with their underwater yoga classes and other funny ways I cannot expect them to appreciate the true Seagull peril we face here in the boonies. And only Kerry and the People’s party seem to appreciate this.

On the other hand the smile on the face of the deluded middle class lefty  that is the Mrs when I announced that I was thinking of back Ed Miliband thanks to the sterling efforts of Kerry McCathy has made me think again. I cannot give her that pleasure. Okay, fear not Amanda I have stopped floating and am back with the Tories. But I would like them to stop blathering on about things like the economy and to let us know how they plan to tackle the big issue we face down here. What about the Seagulls Mr Cameron? What are you going to do about it?

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2409 days ago

Oakley makes a Political Statement about Nigel Farage & UKIP

The Mrs and I were away for the weekend and so were not able to file a couple of UKIP flyers that came through the door in an appropriate place. However my morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley made his own political statement on top of them as you can see below.

Normally, when he opts to use the space where we once had a front doormat before he soiled it repeatedly as his inside lavatory, the Mrs – the woman formerly known as the deluded lefty -  responds with an ASBO, that is to say locking him in the kitchen. But on this occasion she expressed a degree of pride and rewarded the old boy rather than punishing him.

Now let’s wait for the Labour flyers. I have had words with my capitalist cat Tara on how to deal with them

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2449 days ago

Why is my local Tory candidate Theo Clarke ashamed of being a Conservative?

The local Tory candidate for the Bristol East Seat, Theo Clarke has just stuffed a flyer through our letterbox. The Mrs, being a deluded lefty, saw the flyer from Theo – who seems like a nice young lady – and noting the party said “it’s for you.”

Hmmm. I was hoping to see that Ms Clarke wants to slash welfare spending, introduce huge tax cuts for lower paid workers, and tackle the grotesque waste in the NHS and other branches of Government as she reduced the size of our bloated - and totally unaffordable – state. Maybe she might believe in other Tory policies like law and order or lifting the red tape and regulatory burden on small businesses? Er no….

Her priorities are: 

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2449 days ago

New Oakley Video: cat inaction in bed with the Mrs

It strikes me that videos of my morbidly obese three legged cat Oakley are now getting more views than some of the writers on ShareProphets. Perhaps I should fire a few of the scribes and just go into business with my cat? Maybe not. As Oakley is a 14 year old obese cancer survivor the actuaries would not rate this long term business model.

Oakley regards our marital bed as his own and gives me a dirty look when I intrude on him and the Mrs. Normally fishy breath snuggles up to the deluded lefty and gazes adoringly into her eyes. And she reciprocates and they talk about Coronation Street and other matters that concern folks from the Grim North. But if he hears my footsteps he heads off to the other end of the bed and plays all innocent.

And so as the public sector worker

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2458 days ago

My Work today comes to you courtesy of the excellent Arnos Manor Hotel, Brislington

Up and at it quite early I switched the kettle on and… boom… all power on the house was lost. Normally I am pretty good at dealing with the fuse box under the stairs but today I was defeated. Leaving the Mrs (still in bed with Oakley the three legged cat) to call an electrician I sped off in the car in desperate search of a place to work.

The Arnos Manor hotel in Brislington is a building I pass most days but have never visited. It offers an excellent Wedding service and the staff here have been delightful. I have sat happily in its bar mainlining lattes and tapping away since just before eight.  Situated next to the stunning Arnos Vale Victorian cemetery – one of the major attractions of Brislington – I cannot thank the staff too much here for their courtesy and friendliness.

The Mrs has just wandered in. A little man

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2461 days ago

Why does the West Wing inspire me?

The box set was my Christmas present to the Mrs. As she is a deluded lefty you would expect her to empathise with a hopelessly liberal White House. As you might have gathered I have no time for the Jed Bartlett administration. They want to spend so much of other folks cash on daft projects, I want to tear my hair out.

Ainsley Hayes – now she is my sort of woman. I can’t wait for the appearance of Arnie Vinnick. For now I have to tolerate Jed and his team. But I cannot help it, I come away from an episode and am inspired by them. Tonight Leo and Toby agree that the battle for re-election has begun (we are on series 2). Jeepers I hope they lose and lose badly. Yet I don’t. I know it is not good for America or a free world but.. heck I want them to win (and know they do anyway). They inspire me.

Is this because the Mrs is leading me astray? No. Or perhaps other conservatives feel the same way? It is all rather confusing.

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2470 days ago

Back in the garage and a message to my father about the cold weather & global warming

Back in Bristol and the cats are in disgrace for weeing on the doormat and the temperature is minus something. The Mrs is not sympathetic and I am back in the garage at my desk wearing a thick coat, hugging my heater and still freezing. I suggested to the Mrs that the cats be forced to join me as punishment but she said that would be cruel. And so I suffer alone.

At the tobacconists the Daily Express warns of snowfall across the country and of freezing conditions. I point this out to the Mrs on my return but she thinks this is just right wing propaganda and I must continue to work in the garage.

The Daily Telegraph warns its readers 

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2487 days ago

Tom Winnifrith’s share tips of the year 2015 – No 1 Buy InterQuest at a 102p offer

One of my highlights of Christmas was a gathering of the friends of the woman I once referred to as the deluded lefty, that is to say the Mrs. I was ill so, having cooked for them, I retreated to bed with the cats, but coming down for a cup of tea I heard the most deluded of the lot of them (they are nearly all sociology lecturers) opine that she had “applied for research funding to study how black women are suffering in the recession.” Where does one start?

Firstly, she will get that funding and it is YOUR taxes that will fund this vital work. Secondly, you might point out that we are not in a recession so the whole thesis is fundamentally flawed but that will not stop this utter loon from securing funding from the grateful taxpayer which will produce a report concluding that the wicked Tory inspired recession has especially disadvantaged women of colour (you see I know the PC lingo off pat now) and that the taxpayer needs to invest (i.e. piss away more cash) to rectify this.  We live in a mad world.

My point is that the UK is not in a recession. One of my ten macro themes for 2015 (HERE) is that UK GDP growth will be the strongest in Europe and among the strongest in the G8 and thus Steve Moore and I when tipping stocks as buys are looking for UK GDP plays. That brings me to recruitment business InterQuest (ITQ) at

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2542 days ago

Chateau Brislington 2014 takes shape

One of the attractions of the house the Mrs bought in a Bristol suburb last Christmas is its almost Mediterranean – if small – garden. It sits wedged between the house and my office, aka a large abandoned garage which is now starting to get a bit nippy. On that matter, I remind my rentier landlord (aka the Mrs) that she has yet to provide her exploited tenant (me) with the heating she promised. Truly, the deluded lefty has become a wicked capitalist exploiter. I digress.

The garden came with a lovely rhubarb plant, a fig tree but its main produce is grapes from the vines that snakes around the edge and onto anything it can find to climb along.  And so the grapes were, some weeks, ago harvested by myself the Mrs and some of her deluded lefty mates.

How many deluded lefties does it take to harvest a vine? Five (plus myself who was let off grape picking as I was chief cook for the evening.). Of the five, that would be one to play the guitar, two to complain about Thatcher and austerity and the other two to pick the grapes.

The grapes were crushed (not with bare feet it is too bloody cold for that) and left to ferment ad then strained and now sit in two demi-johns. You will note that they are marginally different colours. I cannot remember which is which but one is the top liquid, the second was liquid plus a lot of strained grape material. It matters little. The initial tasting was “interesting”. Bottling takes place shortly and Chateau Brislington should – in theory – be drinkable by next spring. In practise…I have my doubts.

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2583 days ago

Faux outrage & Orwellian demands as paedophile Jonathan King on air at BBC

Rent-a-quote MPs and the Daily Mail are lining up to bash the BBC for including an interview with former DJ and convicted nonce Jonathan King in a documentary about the unbelievably tedious rock supergroup Genesis. Bash a paedo sells newspapers and may have popular appeal but this is the stuff of 1984.

The hard reality is that among his many crimes against impressionable young folk, was the fact that Mr King discovered Genesis and played a key role in the band's early career.  Yes we knew that King was a nonce, but his filthy secret is that he launched Genesis on us all. To make a documentary about the rise of Genesis and to ignore Mr King’s key role, to treat him as a non-person, is to rewrite history in an Orwellian fashion.

As such having agreed with my deluded lefty step mother for the first time in years (on bombing ISIS) and now find myself supporting the BBC just 48 hours later for not rewriting history. This is an unusual turn of events.

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2608 days ago

It’s My Wedding Anniversary so an almost day off

A year ago today at a house owned by the family of the great Hellenophile Lord Byron the woman formerly known as The Deluded Lefty became The Mrs. Right now she is outside tapping away at a paper for her sociology work on why capitalism causes cancer, global warming and is a construct for patriarchal hegemony for white men. Okay I think I might have got the subject a bit wrong but I am probably not far off.

I’m off to chop down some more frigana at The Greek Hovel where we are staying and then it’s switch off time. Unless there is a Quinnovation Group emergency this is a day off. Thank you to the Mrs for 365 wonderful days, it is time to down tools.

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2654 days ago

The Greek Hovel…a Monument to Right Thinking Folk

I am pondering what to name the Greek Hovel. It really does not matter as all post in Kambos is left at the garage for us to collect, but I was pondering putting up a name board in Greek “Write Minds” – it’s a pun geddit?

Lovely Susan Shimmin from The Real Mani is not perfect. She is, I fear, a bit of a deluded lefty like The Mrs and has already twigged that I see the world in a rather different way to her. And so she was delighted to reveal to me that The Hovel, although more than a century old, was – according to our sales contract largely burned down in the 1940s during the Greek Civil war.

It seems that the inhabitants of The Hovel at the time were Royalists

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2769 days ago

No Girlies on the Board – why I don’t give a flying wotsit and much more

It is time for shocking revelations of shameful personal habits. Earlier today my colleague Malcolm Stacey came out as a reader of the turgid rag for crackpot deluded lefty social workers, teachers and other Money Tree believers – that is to say The Independent on Sunday. Malcolm then argued that he won’t invest in a company with an all-male board. Utter cobblers.

The Money Tree worshipping liberal left like to argue that the fact that 20% of FTSE 100 directors are birds is down to affirmative action campaigning and that if we had legally binding quotas then the birds would get a fair quota on PLC boards (50% I assume) and companies would be better run as a result. This is all so much shite.


The increase in female boardroom representation over the past two decades matches the increase in the number of female partners in City law firms, partners in big City accountants, etc.  If anything we wicked capitalists have outperformed liberal bastions with all their affirmative action programmes in this respect. That is because we wicked capitalists care about the bottom line and thus promote on merit. If a woman is the best person for the job, will make more money for the firm than the man she gets the post.

Why are there not more women on PLC boards? Simple. Demographics, PLC boards

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2770 days ago

Weekly Video Postcard #59 – The Liberty Hating Left & National Service Edition

My weekly video postcard this week is born out of conversations with deluded lefty pals of the Mrs this weekend – why is it that the Left wants the State to take more control over our lives?

The issue is the failure of secondary education & our ludicrous, unfunded and unsustainable higher education system. One deluded lefty reckons that the answer is to bring back some form of National Service.

This says everything about the left. A problem that is fixable is to be addressed by the State spending more money and restricting more liberties and still won’t fix the problem.

I also cover two walls - one in Berlin and one in Israel and what both say about the mendacity and failings of the liberal left elite in the West.

My weekly financial postcard covers the red flags of Gulf Keystone, the failings of analysts and why they fail and I issue a direct challenge to Gulf boss Todd Kozel – is he man enough to face an interview from me? You can watch that video HERE

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2794 days ago

Finally My Interview at the Conservative Club is … tomorrow

Having told the local Conservative Club that St Valentine’s Day at 8 PM was not such a good time for an interview, I am now set to meet the committee tomorrow night for my interview. The Mrs, the woman formerly known as the deluded lefty, has been warned that I shall be popping out and may be some time.

With snow looming I sense that the idea of gaining access to a hostelry where (I gather) the internet now works, where booze is cheap and which is not a long trek down a big hill, is growing on her. If I pass she will be able to pop in as my guest, seven times a quarter without having to join and sully her ideological principles. The snow is looming.

And so tonight I must find suitable attire (a shirt with a collar of sorts) and brush up on why I believe in Conservative Principles….I guess if I read Call Me Dave’s recent speeches and then say the opposite I should be a shoe in.

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2797 days ago

The New Media Thought Police March once again in Margate, Kent.

Once again the fascist bully boys of the Kent Police are stamping out on new media thought crime. This force has “form” when it comes to Orwellian oppression of thought crime but in Margate this week they have surpassed themselves. 

In the sleepy seaside town there is a plan to build a new Tesco. As ever in such matters, opinion is divided. The plebs want cheap turkey twizzlers and jobs and so are in favour. The middle classes fear that the small stores where they pay over the odds for their sundried Tuscan tomatoes may be shut down and so are against. Such was the debate in my parents’ home town of Shipston last year where my deluded lefty father and step-mother were naturally wanting to screw the poor along with their fellow Guardian readers who, for once, stood firm alongside Nimby Tory Toffs. Sadly this unholy alliance prevailed and so the shops where they buy their quail has been saved while the folks on the Council Estates are deprived of both consumer choice and jobs. Chianti’s all round.

Over in Margate battle lines are similar

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2801 days ago

Oxfam and the Floods – Let the Bankers pay

I have noted before that Oxfam is a charity not fit for purpose – it really does spout nonsense on a monumental scale. The latest clanger came on BBC Radio Oxford earlier this week – the link is here and the outbursts start at about even minutes in.

The Oxfam spokeswoman was one with two very stupid women – one from UKIP and a Lib Dem. Needless to say the Lib Dem woman agreed meekly with everything the Oxfam loony said. The UKIP old bag was again saying that the UK foreign aid budget should be diverted to help deal with UK floods. I have note before (HERE) how this is errant wolf-whistling economic claptrap. But her idiocy was easily surpassed by the Oxfam old trout.

She started by saying that the UK had plenty of cash to spend on the floods, after all Call Me Dave says “money is no object.” When a country has a deficit of £100 billion that is patently not true but if our PM (who is meant to be a conservative) is a Money Tree believer one cannot really be surprised that the deluded lefties of Oxfam are also Money Tree worshippers.

But then it got worse. Oxfam says that since 2008 UK bankers have received bonuses of £70 billion which is about £10 billion more than we have spent on foreign aid) so the UK bankers can afford to pay. Where to start

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2840 days ago

Solving Britain’s housing “crisis” – why lefty cheerleader Owen Jones is 100% wrong

Self-appointed leader of the angry young left Owen Jones reckons that we need to build a million new homes in the next few years to solve a housing crisis. By “we” Owen – as ever means The Money Tree/the ever grateful taxpayer. Heck you pay for your own house so why not pay to build one for someone on Benefits Street as well? Bargain. Except that Owen is 100% wrong on this. To be fair so are most of the political classes – there is no need to build a single new home. 

My starting point is the Empty homes statistics for 2012 (the most recent currently available). These showed 920,000 empty homes across the UK. This excludes those unfit for habitation, due for demolition and – critically – an estimated 300,000 empty homes above shops. So the real number is c1.2 million homes.

But how, I can hear Owen whining, do you propose getting those homes back into use? Actually it is very simple. Even a deluded lefty with a tenuous grasp of economics should be able to understand the solutions.

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2853 days ago

Owen Jones in my Christmas Stocking – eeeek

Santa (aka the Mrs, formerly known as the Deluded Lefty) included in my stocking a book called “Chavs” by Owen Jones. The Mrs was not fully aware of quite how loathsome Mr Jones is but surely the fact that at the top of the back cover is a quote from Guardian Harridan Polly Toynbee about how wonderful this book is must have been a giveaway.


Toynbee is, as you know, wrong about everything – the Toynbee Rule.

And so the book is dreadful. Mr Jones seems to think that quoting the opinion of some frightful lefty establishes what that frightful lefty believes as a matter of fact. That is even when it has been shown that the factual evidence shows that the views of the frightful lefty in question are just not borne out by hard reality.

I can understand when the students of the Mrs (studying sociology at a former Poly) cite the author of the Spirit Level to demonstrate the “fact” that inequality of wealth causes unhappiness all round. They are just 19 and are not a self-proclaimed one-person think tank for the Left. But when Owen Jones makes the same sort of claim you wonder what fuckwit offered to publish his book? Surely it would have been cheaper to have bought a few essays from her students off the Mrs and republished them?

Jones purports to show how the Middle Classes demonise all working class folks as chavs.

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2861 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday Edition: The Conservative Club

I am yet to enjoy my formal interview at the local Conservative Club or indeed to find out whether they have fixed the Wi-Fi yet. But with snow forecast the Mrs may well have to grit her teeth again and visit the only boozer which is not down at the bottom of a slippery big hill.

The Mrs are convinced that the blue lights now in the windows of the Club (pictured below) are some sort of political statement. As a BBC watching Guardian reader she might have forgotten that Christmas was on its way. If course she has not! Only kidding.

My father (a deluded lefty) has already decided that faced with cheap beer and a short walk or expensive beer and a long walk he is quite willing to throw principle to the wind when visiting. But then if you have spent the past few years drinking at the White Bear in Shipston-on-Stour with David Mills (Silvio Berlusconi’s friend and once again Tessa Jowell’s husband now that the old bag is quitting front line politics) you will drink with anybody.

Anyhow, are there any suitable captions for the picture of “my club” below



My effort is:

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2869 days ago

A Problem with the Conservative Club

I have yet to have my formal interview with the local Conservative Club which I joined last weekend while the Mrs (the woman formerly known as the Deluded Lefty) was away.  But I remain confident that, unlike Call Me Dave, I can say honestly that I believe in low taxes, law and order, individual responsibility, a Small state, fiscal responsibility, etc. and will walk the quiz. And so as I strolled in tonight I was welcomed with open arms. Clearly word has spread.

As you, dear readers, know, my primary motivation for joining is cheap booze and free Wi-Fi. And so as I started on a £4 very large glass of red I tied to log on. Er…oh. It failed to work.

Asking for assistance

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2874 days ago

Cheap booze at the local Conservative Club…sign me up at once (and what my Lefty Mrs said)

Still with no internet at the new house of the Mrs, I spent the whole of Sunday working in what I thought was the local hostelry in our new Neighbourhood. At ten o’clock I started wandering home and as I reached the top of the quite steep hill and about two thirds of the way back I started wondering how I will cope with this trek in the snow. But then I saw a bright light burning across the road. It called me towards it….

In a rather tired looking Victorian building there it was. The Conservative Club. With the Mrs away I thought “why not?” and buzzed my way inside. This place is less than 250 yards from my front door with no hills involved. It has Wi-Fi (although the barman did not seem to know what Wi-Fi was all about), snooker and pool tables and very, very cheap booze indeed. 

It was just £5 to join and £16 a year to be a member (an extra fiver in the unlikely event of the Mrs, the woman formerly known as the Deluded Lefty, deciding to join as well). I rapidly worked out that at £2a pint/glass of wine I will get my money back very quickly indeed. All I needed was a proposer and seconder who had known me for 5 years and an understanding that I supported the principles of the Conservative party.

Hmmmmmm,

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2890 days ago

The Mrs….My people into battle at 4 PM

Ever since the new Star Wars film held auditions for extras here in Bristol the suggestion that my (not very tall) Mrs should have applied to play an Ewok has gathered momentum. The Deluded lefty has been rechristened Ewok.

And at 3.55 PM today ITV finishes the six weeks of gripping Saturday afternoon showing of the Star Wars movies with The Return of the Jedi. As a Star wars/ Princess Leia obsessive I shall naturally be watching. And – for those that remember the plot – the Mrs will also be watching as her people go into battle.

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2894 days ago

It’s World Toilet Day - #Wecantwait – I am so excited I am pissing myself!

It is another UN sponsored “world day”.  And today’s spurious bag of nonsense is “World Toilet day.”  No shit. I am serious.

I was alerted to this by a woman from the charity Water Aid which has bullied the UN into making November 19th “World Toilet day” and has published a report titled “we can’t wait.”  The woman was a guest on Radio 4’s Today programme which my Mrs insists that we listen to in the morning.

It did not take this woman long to start to explain that lack of toilets is an issue that affects women far more than men. The failure of the world to build more toilets is therefore a reflection of the patriarchal nature of society. Even my Mrs, who is a deluded lefty of the highest order, was struggling to keep a straight face at this point.

But there was no stopping the woman from Water Aid.

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2917 days ago

Do you want to see a film said the Mrs?

Hopeful that at last she was taking me to see the new film about James Hunt – Rush, I started to get excited. Er no. Instead what was on offer was at the local art-house, a documentary about Stewart Hall. The bloke from it’s a knockout who is currently in the nonces wing in a prison up North? No.

Apparently the other Stewart Hall is one of the most influential sociology lecturers of the past fifty years, with particular expertise in explaining the phenomena of multiculturalism from a socialist perspective.

Hmmm. Sounds like a fascinating fellow but I think that I will pass I said. The woman formerly known as the deluded lefty understood.

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2941 days ago

New book just completed and off for layout – out next week: time for a drink or seven

Almost 10,000 words of golden prose has just been completed and is now off for layout – time for a drink or seven. Dedicated to the Mrs (the woman formerly known as the Deluded Lefty) – my “49 Golden Rules for Making Money from Shares” will be priced at £9.99 but I shall have 500 free copies to give away to registered users of www.Shareprophets.com thanks to a kind sponsor. If I say so myself, it is actually rather good and quite well written. I actually enjoyed writing it as a bonus.


More details to follow. Now for another glass of Valpolicella in the Clerkenwell Rabbit Hole.

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2941 days ago

I am detested by the Daily Mail are you? Take the Test

It is a fun way to waste 30 seconds. Answer 13 questions to see if the Daily Mail hates you. The fact that I have had premarital sex, do not think God Save the Queen and don’t like Michael Gove means that my status is officially “detested”. I tried the test again answering in the way I think the Mail would like and got to the status of merely “disliked” which is almost as good as it gets.

I answered in the way that the Mrs (the Deluded lefty) would I think answer, and she only got 7 questions before being declared “hated.” It is all good harmless fun and a reminder of what a tawdry reactionary rag the Mail is.


To take the test yourself click here


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2952 days ago

The Smallest Political Quiz – take it now: I straight aced it

So where do you stand politically? Take the quiz on this website and find out. Just give your gut instinct answer and it takes a minute.  I straight aced it. That is to say I scored 100% on both economic and social issues and thus come out as a purer than purer libertarian. Natch.

The Mrs, the one formerly known as The Deluded Lefty has just taken it. She ummed a bit and then scored 30% on social issues and 10% on economics and is thus defined as a pretty extreme statist believer in big Government. No surprises there. Let us know how you fare? Kit Ingoldby a straight ace man I suspect while Jonathan Price with the Mrs on economics but I hope pretty pure on the social issues.

Our correspondents from the Cultural quarter of Stoke on Trent, heaven only knows such is the Bohemian free thinking in that district.

 

 

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2957 days ago

My superstar daughter Olivia - warming the heart of her Eurosceptic Dad and Great Uncle

My 12 year old daughter Olivia has to write an essay for school arguing the pros and cons of the Euro for Europe. Showing a greater grasp of economics than 90% of the bien pensants political and media elite she concludes that there are no material pros and argues forcefully and coherently that there are lots of cons. For myself and her Great Uncle Christopher Booker, as well as her Farage admiring mother, Pinsent Masons partner Big Nose, this essay is a triumph.

For the rest of my family who are true deluded lefties and thus take the view that whatever Uncle Chris and I write, they automatically support the other side, this will be a watershed. A third Eurosceptic writer in the family...great news.

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2963 days ago

What to call the Deluded Lefty, I mean the Mrs?

In our wedding vows we promised certain things. There was the normal love, honour and cherish stuff but there were a few additions. I am not to set my alarm clock at what a public sector worker deems an unreasonable time. She must attend at least two matches at Upton Park each year. That sort of thing. But there was an additional request: I am restricted in what I can call the gorgeous bride now that we are married.

Given her political leanings it will not surprise you to know that she has not taken my name. And she has suggested that the vernacular of the 1970s is not truly appropriate in the 2010s. Of course she is wrong: the language of Jack Regan and Sergeant Carter is the new cool. However that means that The Mrs. Is deemed inappropriate and “my wife” apparently has patriarchal overtones which deem it inappropriate.

She also feels that Deluded Lefty is harsh. It may be a clumsy phrase in that the words deluded and lefty are in many ways synonymous but I rather like it. But apparently she is not to be referred to as THE Deluded Lefty since, she tells me, there are many others of her ilk out there. Don’t I know it – welcome to my family darling. Oh, darling is also not appropriate.

Bird is deemed a Regenesque word but of course she should know that if you marry your bird then she becomes The Mrs. So that is not a runner either.

Apparently the phrase “gorgeous bride” is acceptable. I wonder if that will seem a little dated (in a way that Jack Regan never will) in twenty years’ time? But for now, how about the gorgeous bride (formerly known as the Deluded Lefty)?

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2964 days ago

Greece Being Greece…

I think you know that I love Greece as does the Deluded Lefty, I mean the Mrs. What is there not to love about this place? Hmmmm. 

There is the Greek two kilometres. How far is it to the nearest taverna from our hotel? We asked the man at the local taverna which did not actually serve food and did not seem terribly strong on the drink front either. Two kilometres he said. Our hearts sank.

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2971 days ago

Reader I married her

To misquote Charlotte Bronte in the last chapter of Jane Eyre, and having been outed on twitter, I come clean and reveal that the Deluded Lefty and I tied the knot in the Grim North on Sunday.  Hence the relative silence from myself and best man Darren, the driver of shareprophets, since then.

Resplendent in the same golden sari that her mother was married in 47 years ago, the DL looked amazing and following a full on sermon from Rhona, the minister at the DL’s parents church,a Byron poem and what seemed like a zillion photos we enjoyed a great celebration.( at a Byron family home as it happens). As the DL said in her speech there was fruitcake for my UKIP friends and, as I pointed out champagne for her lefty pals. Greek, Indian and English food left something for everyone. I hope everyone had a good time. We both did.

After spending a night in a secret location in the GN, the Mrs, is now off to a sociology conference at Warwick University. Hmmmmm. A Right-thinking person free zone on the outskirts of the post industrial wastelands of Coventry. Not exactly my cup of tea. In fact the word purgatory springs to mind so I am back to work until the weekend when a delayed honeymoon kicks off. I am sure that you can guess where I shall be spending a week writing little and NOT having ten phone conversations a day with Dan Levi.

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2979 days ago

Best tweet I have received this week - many thanks Luke

Many thanks to Luke for this tweet which is the sort of encouragement that makes me carry on writing.

Luke Woods     @applelover79                17m       

Reading Winnifrith articles is my guilty pleasure.

Luke, fear not I have an absolute scorcher of a story for next week. Nothing to do with Sefton but an expose of a vile creature of the deluded left. I have been saving it for a train journey and so aim to go live tomorrow.  Thanks for the tweet. It is certainly worth a picture of Miss Albania.

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2982 days ago

Happy 1st Anniversary Darren & Martha

Just a public note to Darren Atwater and Martha Gall who tonight are celebrating their first wedding anniversary. Given that Darren works out of RMPC three days a week they are not celebrating with us in Clerkenwell.  Darren was the second (of six) RSH employee to leave and come to work with me (Steve Moore won the gold medal) and a good friend in good times and bad. He mucks in at RMPC donning a waiter's outfit when needed. But he is really the brains behind www.shareprophets.com.  Apparently Martha's parents are delightfully right wing and their opinion of the son-in-law soared when they started reading this blog and realised who he worked with. To two of London's three finest Canadians ( the Goddess is the third), The deluded lefty and I wish you a very relaxing and romantic evening. 

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2985 days ago

The Greek bird, Alex Giachetti, Evil's mate, Jim Mellon's PR man - what a total blur

I am smashed. 36 hours on the lash has taken its toll. Tomorrow Jim Ellerton will be leaving Sefton in abject disgrace. Seven months of corporate bullying is at an end.

Today has seen an alocohol fuelled blur of activity.  Jim Mellon's PR man was here boozing at 8.30 AM and also at 11 PM, a mate of Evil's popped in and an ex RSH PR head honcho was on the lash as well. There were some very cute models hanging out at RMPC tonight  and some Australian bloke tried to get a bit too friendly with me but got no joy. I enjoyed extensive table dancing with a Greek bird. Champagne, martini, lager, bitter, red wine, lemoncello, ouzo, whiskey, and now it is New Order blasting in my ear. I am not in a good state. Do not tell my deluded lefty's parents'!

Tomorrow we discuss the damages Sefton/Pinsent Masons owes to me & the Rebel Alliance and the deluded lefty bird arrives in London so due to hangover/a need to focus on what really matters (i.e. the deluded lefy) it will be light/zero blogging.

 For now, off to bed. I win. Fuck you Jim Ellerton. Fuck You Pinsent Masons.

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3019 days ago

The tomatoes are for my father..., the melons for google and tomorrow morning it is goat milking

My father can take a joke on most matters but is a little sensitive on the subject of the tomatoes he grows in Shipston on Stour. They have a tendency to be small and green. Perhaps if he and my deluded lefty step mother are right then global warming will rectify that. I am not holding my breath.

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3022 days ago

My bird wants a new name - any ideas?

The bird says that describing her as the Deluded Lefty is unfair. Hmmmm she is a lefty and all lefties are? Er? Go on?

However, I now need a new term to describe her. The bird? She is a looker but I wonder if her, ahem, DL friends might regard that as patriachal or whatever. The little woman? She is a woman and she is not very tall.  My partner? Then all the BB Morons will insist that she is a bloke. Girlfriend? Are we not a bit too old to be a boyfriend and girlfriend?

The Northern Bird? NB for short. Just to show how open minded I am that I spend my time with a Northerner. Any improvements on The Northern Bird?

Nope, the Northern Bird says that this makes it sound like she is from Lancashire. Apparently she thinks Nottingham is in the Midlands - I really lose track of how the welfare dependent, post-industrial hell hole counties of England view themselves. She says all adjectives are unhelpful so she will from now onwards just be the bird.

I sense that I too may be in the doghouse

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3022 days ago

The Deluded Lefty in the Doghouse Big Time- Awful hotel call (hell on earth at Anita)

The deluded lefty thought she was being clever booking us out of chez Spiros and into another place closer to Corfu town. Chez Spiros may have temperamental showers but it is clean, if you ask for a double bed you get it, it has a lovely pool and a laissez faire attitude to rules on swimming. It is peaceful and quiet, Spiros is a lovely bloke, the beach is 50 yards away and there are relatively decent restaurants half a mile away. And it costs 25 Euro a day.

Instead I find myself in the hotel Anita where we have paid 50 Euro a night for twin beds ( having ordered a double, don’t tell her father) in a cramped little room about half the size of that chez Spiros but which is rich in wildlife – that is to say mosquitos. I have been bitten all over.

I kind of knew I’d loathe

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3024 days ago

Preparing for the Arrival of the Deluded Lefty in 5 hours – Checklist

In five hours’ time, the deluded lefty, aka my partner will be here. As such intense preparation is underway. Checklist:

1. Shave – I have not bothered for a week. I have now bought shaving foam having had my last lot confiscated at Gatwick.

2. Ensure any inappropriate sites are not open on my laptop, viz The Mail online, AnnCoulter.com etc. Check. All done.

3. Move away from Spiros to the posher hotel she has booked. Hmmm. My plan is to leave here in a couple of hours. Arrive too early and there is a danger that I shall make too much mess of the new hotel room before she arrives. Spiros understands these matters and is allowing me to hang around.

4. Purge my mind of my deepest politically incorrect thoughts and prepare to behave for 12 solid days. Cripes…

As I warned last night the arrival of the bird means a go slow on the writing front as of tonight. Enjoy the break from me.

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3025 days ago

The Deluded Lefty is on her way – prepare for a slowdown

Well folks, that is almost it for the writing fest. The Deluded Lefty is tonight packing her bags. Well actually, when I called just now it was quite clear that she was in a bar with her pals sipping fair trade Zimbabwean Chardonnay and blaming it all on Thatcher. But tomorrow she gets on a plane and joins me in Greece and on Sunday we are off to Albania.

As such the pace of articles is set to slow somewhat as of Friday evening as I have better things to do..like have a holiday holiday. Naturally I shall log on every day to check up on the AIM bad guys but ahead of me lie Butrint then Zitsa and Meteora. There is a mad plan being concocted by the DL to drive down to the Peloponnese. I have pointed out that this is environmentally unfriendly (as well as just plain mad) but if you get another video postcard from Monemvasia do not be entirely surprised.

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3025 days ago

Frigging hell it is 7.40 in Greece and where’s my breakfast?

The deluded lefty insists that she does not believe in patriarchy, blah, blah, blah. So we have an early morning arrangement that is based on equality and partnership – no exploitation either way. After a hard day’s slog in the public sector she stays in bed until about 7.30 and I make her a cup of tea. I get up rather earlier to be a wicked capitalist but just after 7.30 the DL brings me a bowl of organic fair trade porridge. I think I am right that oats do come from Scotland and Scotland is the sort of third world bankrupt country where deluded lefties try to help poor farmers with fair trade.

Anyhow my point is that I am used to the little woman serving me breakfast by 7.30. Yup, for the avoidance of doubt for any BB Morons out there, my partner is a bird not a bloke.

As such life chez Spiros here in Greece is a bit of a shock for me. I get up – as ever - at between 5.30 and 7 (3.30 and 5 UK time) allowing me to create a string of masterpieces before the UK starts its working day. Spiros, on the other hand displays the work ethic which has made Greece the place it is today (the Scotland of the South) and seems unable to raise himself before eight.

It is now 7.45 and, with five articles under my belt already, I am increasingly in need of a coffee and some toast and so now have to go through the ritual of jumping into the pool and splashing as much and as loudly as possible in order to hint, gently, that it is rise and shine time.  

Splish, splash, splosh, wakey, wakey Spiros!

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3026 days ago

Congratulations to the Deluded Lefty – New Job

I am not bright enough to understand exactly what the post entails but my deluded lefty partner had an interview on Monday and has secured a new job. Well sort of. She keeps half her old job and job shares on half a new job at the same institution of learning,

I did read the job description carefully but really cannot figure what it is all about but she is excited so I am happy for her and proud of her.  I think the post is something to do with global citizenship awareness. Whatever.

Her existing line manager tried to suggest that it was not worth bagging the extra money because "what with a 40% tax rate and all of that it did not amount to much". One deluded lefty to another:  “a high marginal tax rate discourages the drive to work hard, to get ahead and to be more productive.” Spot on.

Shall I send both the DL and her line manager an application for to join a political party that believes in lower taxes and details of how they can read the Mail online? Do they now accept that the Guardian and the party of Miliband just do not understand how an efficient and successful economy works?

For both her Damascene conversion to real world economics and for her new posting it is very well done to the deluded Lefty bird who should be arriving here in Greece in just over 60 hours’ time. I cannot wait.

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3028 days ago

Athens Bus Station - Why Greece Does not work

I am now in Corfu preparing for five days of rest and writing before my deluded lefty partner arrives to whisk me off to the former socialist paradise that is Albania. I travelled here by bust from Athens – a 10 hour trip and so feel a little on the tired said as we arrived at 5 AM. Athens Bus station is a total shit hole. It is what I imagine that Stoke on Trent is like. Only hotter.

I arrived early (fleeing the clip joint) to buy my ticket and wandered into a ticket hall with a desk for each location. At that point there were four of us trying to buy tickets and I counted 11 staff manning the desks.

The Corfu counter had no-one behind it but a full ashtray (in a non-smoking building) and cup of coffee suggested that there was life somewhere. But fear not,

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3028 days ago

Is where I have just been called a clip joint?

One of my ideas of purgatory is spending eternity driving around the centre of Athens trying to drop a hire car off on time. Amazingly I managed just that today with no problems. With a few hours to kill I asked the nice lady at Hertz where the British war graves were and she answered in a confident fashion. My father thinks his Uncle Francis is buried here although he was killed in North Africa and so off I wandered. It goes without saying that there were no War Graves at all where she sent me but that is another matter.

About half a mile along, in a decent part of Athens a man asked me for the time. I am a nice fellow so fished out my phone and said 4.01. He seemed terribly grateful and happy to meet an Englishman. His brother runs a Greek restaurant in London and please could he give me his address for a free meal.

I did not really want a free Greek meal in London and was rather more interested in the War Grave but he was insistent so I went along ruck sack over my shoulder and entered a small bar where there was one waitress, one young lady sitting reading a book and an Old Man. My old Man said “have a beer” and promptly disappeared. Have a seat said the waitress.

I reluctantly perched on a bar stool but assured her that I did not drink. At her insistence I agreed to have a diet Pepsi. At this point the young lady wandered over and in broken English tried to engage me in conversation.

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3037 days ago

The Best of #socialistchatuplines – thanks twitter

Trending overnight among sad right wing folk on twitter ( i.e people like me) is #socialistchatuplines – since I am unable to sleep ( too much non Fair Trade coffee after a day of successful capitalism enjoyed with two employees on the minimum wage) I bring you the best of what has appeared to date with the undoubted winner right at the end. I write as someone who is dating a socialist but I did not use any of these lines...
Billy Bowden ‏@Ontablets 28m

#socialistchatuplines Did you hurt your head when you fell from heaven? Thats Thatchers fault!
Scott ‏@TheBenitezYears 33m

#socialistchatuplines I would love your number. But I don't have a phone as they are tools of the bourgeoisie, Capitalist pigs
Scott ‏@TheBenitezYears 59m

#socialistchatuplines Can you buy me a drink?
Jon Persson ‏@J__Persson 39m

Thatcher stole my milk when I was little. Buy me a drink? #socialistchatuplines
The devilish one ‏@Jigglypuff2344 1h

@Shugism #socialistchatuplines Roses are Pretty, Violets are Ok, but I can't buy you either, cos I'm on JSA.

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3039 days ago

Another one year anniversary marked today

It is a bit of a day for reflection. For it was exactly a year ago today that I headed down to Gatwick Airport to fly to Greece. It was a one way ticket as frankly I was not exactly sure if or when I would bother coming back. As I am sure you are all aware my world had pretty much imploded. As I sit here a year later an awful lot has changed.

At one level it is all to the good. I shall have a quiet meal with my deluded lefty partner tonight. Professionally, the writing and the Real Man restaurant and UK Investor Show are all pretty much on track. Nothing happens as quickly as you might like but the trend is my friend.

But there is always another side.

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3043 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday

It was a rather quiet week on the news front but in London around 2,000 assorted deluded lefty fruitcakes gathered on Saturday for the “People’s Assembly against Austerity.” Dragged from the 1970s were old loons like Tony Benn but there were also a new generation of loons.  Benn has the excuse of senility. The new loons are just thick. Government spending is actually increasing year on year.  The wicked Tories are spending more and more as the UK hurtles towards bankruptcy. What do they not understand?
As such I ask you for captions to this picture of assorted fruitcakes.

Please post your captions in the comments section below by 9 AM on Friday.
For what it is worth my caption is lifted from a quote from one delegate who attended the People’s Assembly. Yes he did actually say this.

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3058 days ago

Friday caption Contest on a Saturday - Money Tree edition

No winners from last week’s contest. Let’s hope for more inspired entries this week.  And on that matter as I see I am being bashed on twitter for suggesting that we do not give EVEN more money to the world’s third largest employer because the UK Government has so much to spend I come to Mr Ed Balls, MP.

Apparently Ed reckons that the last Labour Government was not profligate and is now starting to outline his vision for how he will bankrupt Britain within five years starting 2015. Sorry, I meant to say: how he will like Gordon Brown be prudent and manage the Nation’s finances responsibly.

And so here is the picture. Post your entries in the comments section below by 9 AM next Friday.

For what it’s worth I am torn between

“Crook and bigot, Sir Patrick Mercer dreams about his remaining two years as an honourable member of parliament”

and

“Islamofascist Hate preacherAnjem Chowdary offers praise to the source of his £25,000 a year tax free lifestyle package”

and

“Ed Balls takes advice from Tom Winnifrith's deluded lefty partner and assures us that Labour’s spending plans are fully costed”

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3089 days ago

Viva Maggie – New T-shirt, sweatshirt and mug range launched today

I have been meaning to do this for a while but only today have we launched a new range of T-shirts, mugs and sweatshirts dedicated to our greatest ever Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher. I am ordering a sweatshirt and T-shirt in blue but kind of fancy the red Che style too. My deluded lefty partner has already said that I am not allowed to wear these outfits at events where her deluded lefty friends might be present. We shall see. For wandering round liberal bastions such as Clifton and Islington I can think of nothing better to wear. Although the It’s Time to Leave T-shirt gets some good comments.

You can order your Viva Maggie T-shirts, mugs and hoodies only at our online store here.

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3099 days ago

Farewell Zakynthos – Am I a snob? Yes

For once I spent my Greek holiday not on the mainland but on an Island. It is not something I plan to make a habit of for reasons that I shall admit to – I guess that I am just an unreconstructed snob. It all started at Gatwick airport last weekend as I waited with my partner in the departure lounge for a flight to Zakynthos. As I surveyed my fellow passengers I noticed a large number who were young, had large numbers of tattoos and various bits of their body pierced, seemed to use the F word in every other sentence and who were loudly discussing how they were going for “the season.” My heart sank.

By the time the flight was passing over Dover my fellow passengers were already drinking. My heart sank some more.

And so to Zakynthos.

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3122 days ago

Kevin Maguire – vile, bigoted, thick leftie

Maguire is a senior journalist with the Daily Mirror and a professional Northern class warrior. He was born in South Shields and has made a point of not losing his Geordie accent - indeed it has got more pronounced over the years - despite him being a full time member of the political media elite of London. I imagine that he lives in a plush part of North London. But he is oh so very working class (with an A pronounced the right way).

And so he wades into the debate on child killing welfare junkie Mick Philpott by suggesting on twitter

The issue of "funding lifestyles" should begin with George Osborne's family trust fund and the knighthood Sir George inherits

What a tool. Osborne will one day become Sir George as he inherits a baronetcy. This is the same reason Sir George Young is a Sir – he is a baronet. It is not a knighthood. It is a hereditary title and brings you zero money just a silly title. It funds no lifestyle.

And yes Osborne’s family is rich and the chancellor has enjoyed the benefits of that and will inherit wealth. So frigging what. Does Maguire think that no-one should inherit wealth? The Osborne cash has been around for a couple of generations. What about the Miliband cash – both of those boys inherited a good amount from their Marxist Dad. Does Maguire think that is wrong? Will his three offspring inherit anything from the money Maguire and his partner (Cambridge educated novelist and Guardian writer Emma Burstall) have made over the years from the lefty media circus? Go on Maguire: who are you leaving your cash to?

As it happens it is none of my business who leaves their cash to whom. The point is that it is the fruit of their labour (or perhaps that of their parents or grandparents) and individuals should have every right to decide where cash they earn goes to. That is rather different to Mick Philpott who acquired income and wealth with money taken from folks who worked to fund his lifestyle and his asset accretion (the snooker tables etc.) via Britain's utterly crocked welfare system and onerous tax regime. We as taxpayers had no say in the matter we just ponied up involuntarily to give Mick an easy life.

You have to be a bitter and stupid deluded leftie not to appreciate the difference between the funded lifestyle of Mick Philpott and that of George Osborne. Step forward Kevin Maguire.

 

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3141 days ago

Bethan Tichborne Deluded Lefty – but (ref Voltaire) I stand with you so: David Cameron you have blood your hands

Bethan Tichborne is a prize deluded lefty. This 28 year old attended a demonstration in Oxfordshire against Call Me Dave and the wiucked Tory cuts (i.e. public spending going up) and carried a placard which stated that Cameron had “blood in his hands” for cutting spending on folks with disabilities. She appears to have shouted the same message to Dave.

And she has now been accused and found guilty of using threatening words or behaviour likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress. Judge Tim Pattinson said when convicted Bethan that her comments that Cameron "had blood on his hands" could "hardly be more insulting to anyone, whether a politician or not".

Bethan also tried to climb a barrier at which point the Police allegedly beat her up. I shall take that one with a pinch of salt.

Bethan and I disagree violently on cutting benefits. I do not think Call Me Dave has blood on his hands on this count. Bethan is wrong. But, on the Voltaire principle I also believe in free speech and it is quite disgraceful that she was arrested, charged and convicted for making a politically motivated comment. I am not sure where Bethan stands on the Iraq war but I believe that for that Tony Blair certainly has blood on his hands for that episode. In a free society we have to be allowed to make such comments.

The case of Bethan Tichborne suggests that life in Airstrip One is ever less free.

Just to make my point I shall tweet this article to David Cameron. @David_Cameron – Mr Cameron you have blood on your hands. PS you are a spineless and hopeless Prime Minister to boot. Bring back Maggie.

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3167 days ago

Welfare in crisis: Jobless mother of 11 Heather Frost says free council eco mansion may not be good enough for her

Every day another story emerges which show how the welfare state is just out of control. Heather Frost has 11 kids and no job. She currently lives in two council houses knocked into one. But her local council has managed to do a deal with a developer to sell it land cheaply so that it will build a new six bedroom eco mansion with a 355 square foot kitchen just for Heather. But the ungrateful bitch has today said “It’s being built especially for me. If I go there and I say to them I don’t like it or it’s too small, then they will just have to build me a bigger one, won’t they.

Why the hell should they? This 36 year old woman opted to breed like a rabbit,

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3169 days ago

A volley of twitter abuse from a deluded lefty

As I was happily preparing for the publication of another ebook tomorrow I see that I have received a volley of twitter abuse from a good man, but a deluded lefty of the highest order, @Mickkipper. In response to my suggestion that the crackpot Lib Dems wished to tax your jewellery and paintings as well as your house if you were rich, Mick replies ”Why not, most of them have been robbed pillaged during the common wealth days. Bring back slaves ehhhhh Tom.

Saints preserve us. Is this really the high level debate that the left offers up? I object to being taxed on wealth accumulated as a result of me buying assets with taxed income ( a double tax) and that means that I want to bring back slaves?

But it got better. In stating the fact that at least twice a day some young person from Southern Europe wanders into my restaurant with a word perfect CV begging to work at the minimum wage but in a City were 100,000 young Britons are without work and living off welfare , not one home grown applicant turns up, I am lambasted. Mick sent of a series of tweets of which the best were:

Caitt Reilly…. out of touch Winnifrith. Bring back the workhouse, chimmney boys and mine boys. Employ a eastern European

and

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3169 days ago

Caitt Reilly, Idle British Youth and hard working European youth

Caitt Reilly is the job snob geology graduate who said that being forced to work at Poundland rather than just sit on the dole until she found a job that suited her was illegal. Needless to say some crackpot judge found in her favour. Incidentally that work experience did her some good as she now has a job at Morrison’s with one suspecting that the supermarket thought the stint at Poundland was a more impressive part of her CV than a degree in geology.

Caitt seems like a sour faced deluded lefty with a point to prove but she is utterly typical of British youth today in believing that she can sit on her fat arse collecting benefits paid for with taxes paid by those of us who do work (often in jobs we don’t relish) until something she likes comes along. That process can take years. And the more we churn graduates out with 2:1 degrees from useless Universities in pointless subjects the more you will get young people saying that a menial job is “beneath them.” The only way to address this is by root and branch reform of the welfare system.

I contrast this with the attitude of young Europeans mainly from Spain and Italy who are flocking to London. Back home there are simply no jobs – youth unemployment is 50% plus and rising thanks to the joys of being in the Euro. And so the more enterprising ones

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3179 days ago

The best of Tweet like a lefty #tweetlikealefty

If you do not understand that this is irony then you are probably a lefty. Perhaps we should put humour on the National Curriculum. Anyhow if you have missed #tweetlikealefty on twitter this morning here are some of the best comedy tweets.

@DanHannanMEP
What do you mean, give to charity? I’ve already called for higher taxes!

@DanHannanMEP
I support freedom of speech, but some opinions shouldn’t be tolerated in our society.

@DanHannanMEP
This isn’t about the deficit, it’s about fairness and equality.

@DanHannanMEP
If we reversed the Tory cuts, there’d be higher tax revenues and a lower deficit.

@DanHannanMEP
The trouble with referendums is people might not understand the question.

@DanHannanMEP
A one-off 20% wealth tax on the richest 5% would clear the UK debt.

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3197 days ago

Inheritance Tax – Wrong and Pointless

Comrade Mick Kipper, a good man albeit a deluded Lefty from the grim North asks me for my views on Inheritance Tax. No problems Mick: it should be abolished at once. Trust that is okay with you? Nope you wish me to explain? No problems.

First up this is a taxed on already taxed income. Somewhere along the line the capital one bequeaths was earned and tax was paid on it. Thus this is a double tax. Now Mick will no doubt raise the example of the Duke & Duchess of Snootyland whose family have not done an honest day’s work in hundreds of years. Such folk are a tiny minority of those who pay IHT but the left like to paint them as typical taxpayers. Moreover the landed gentry have been crucified by IHT for several generations so levying another round is, in this case, even more unfair than usual- this is income that is taxed many times over.

IHT means that if I earn a pound and spend in on hookers I am taxed once.

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3248 days ago

Why cannot my Deluded Lefty Dad say no!

I have spent the day with my father at Shipston in Warwickshire. A landslide somewhere near Worcester meant that my route was a the “scenic” one but we have enjoyed a happy afternoon chatting about various family matters. Our conversation was, however, interrupted by a series of phone calls and knocks on the door – my father is a victim of his inability to say no.

First up was some bird trying to persuade him to fit new plastic windows and plastic doors. Given that his house was built in 1692 this was clearly a pointless call. Of course if Dad had told her that last time she called rather than just listening patiently and saying eventually “ this is not a good time” she would not have bothered with this call. Next up was Christian Aid to whom my Dad already gives a fortune by Standing Order. Christian Aid called to say it needs more to help starving people in Africa, blah, blah, blah. Unluckily for it, when it asked for Mr T Winnifrith it got me.

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3253 days ago

Deluded Lefty Celebrity Hyprocrite of the day – Brian May

You may remember that Brian May, the guitarist with Queen, lead the campaign to stop the cull of badgers in the West Country. The badger population is out of control and they spread TB but “nouvelle landowner” May knew better. After all, he deserted the Tories for Labour in 2010 to save badgers and foxy woxy.

Now it emerges that on one of his Dorset estates he accepted professional advice and allowed healthy young deer to be, er…culled. Of course he has now put a stop to it on humanitarian grounds.

One rule for poor farmers and one for Brian. I wonder as the young deer saw the gunmen approaching were they singing to themselves:

She keeps her Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet
‘Let them eat cake’ she says
Just like Marie Antoinette
A built-in remedy
For Kruschev and Kennedy
At anytime an invitation
You can’t decline

Caviar and cigarettes
Well versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice

She’s a Killer Queen

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