Personal and undiluted views
caption contest

179 days ago

Boris Johnson patronising the working class in Hartlepool caption contest

The woman on the left in the picture is the multimillionaire landowner who is the Tory candidate in the by election in the post industrial working class ghetto of Hartlepool. Such is the State of the Labour party that the Tories will probably win this poll. But just to make sure, this lady and the Prime Minister went to the local football club to kick a ball to show that they really understand how the working class think. So what is your caption? I shall kick off with:

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284 days ago

And the winner of the Rover's Return and Cheryl Cole caption contest is....

If only because this is another opportunity to gaze at a photo of Britain’s most talented chanteuse, it is time for the result of the Cheryl Cole Rover’s Return caption contest yesterday. Some of you have minds like sewers and many of you followed a predictable theme in supplying captions for the photo below.

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285 days ago

No Prize Caption Contest featuring Britain's leading chanteuse at the only pub in England not facing economic ruin

Okay this is a few years old but I am fearful that the Rover’s Return might never re-open again after another shut-down as so a reminder here of happier days. To win no prize at all simply put a suitable caption in the comments section below. The deadline is midnight tonight.

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738 days ago

Tuesday Caption Contest - Neil Woodford special from the Welsh Hovel

In light of today’s news and the 100% vindication of our 1000 + articles and podcasts since 2015, do your worst. Entries by midnight tonight in the comments section below…

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926 days ago

Wednesday Odd One Out Caption contest - nothing to do with vibrators (on or off expenses)

Just to make this one a bit harder, to win this contest you need to name all six of the fine upstanding citizens below and then tell me which is the odd one out and why ( and its nothing to do with gender). The first to give me seven correct answers in the comments section below wins a semi naked photo of Britain's top share blogger ( mornings only), Thirsty Paul Scott. The deadline for en tries is midnight tonight, Wednesday 10 April.

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954 days ago

Caption Contest: Brexit and the worst Prime Minister in history edition

Do your worst in the comments section below. The deadline for entries is midnight tonight, unless we decide to ignore the wishes of 52% of you and extend it. The prize, as ever, is a semi naked photo of The UK's top share blogger, mornings only, Thirsty Paul Scott.

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986 days ago

Whore Blogger Malcolm Graham Wood of Frontera fraud infamy chats to Police caption contest result

Yesterday, in the wake of more damning revelations about the Frontera Resources (FRR) fraud we brought you an exclusive picture of its best paid promoter, the whore blogger Malcolm Graham Wood helping the fuzz with their enquiries as you can see below. We asked you for suitable captions and,  as you can see HERE, there were numerous good entries. But there can be only one winner of a semi naked photo of Britain’s top share blogger (mornings only), Thirsty Paul Scott….

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1022 days ago

Neil Woodford's missing annual report caption contest

The FCA must be all over him on this matter as Neil Woodford is now 4 days late with the Woodford Investment management annual report. What is he hiding? As we wait for Britain's most conceited fund manager to come clean and file, I invite you to provide a suitable capition for the image underneath in the comments section below. As ever the prioze for the wittiest entry is a semi naked photo of Britain's top share blogger (mornings only), thirsty Paul Scott. The deadline to enter is midnight Saturday, January 5.

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1037 days ago

Lyin’ Steve Sanderson caption Contest Result – joint winners

Shares in UK Oil & Gas (UKOG) have actually rallied to 1.35p to sell in recent days. Natch they remain grotesquely overvalued as the clock starts to tick on the countdown to yet an other placing. But still there are those who reckon that on £650k per annum Lyin’ Steve Sanderson is good value as CEO. Whatever. On Tuesday I asked for suitable captions for the photo below and there were many decent entries as you can see HERE. But there can be only one winner…NO!

There are two winners of a semi-naked photo of Britain’s top share blogger (mornings only) Thirsty Paul Scott and they are:

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1040 days ago

Malcolm Stacey Santa Rally Caption Contest Result

There were numerous entries to this caption contest as you can see HERE although once again our in-house BB loon Wildes got overly excited looking at pictures of the crazy cat lady Carole Cadwalladr and thus served up a number of utterly non relevant observations. There can only be one winner of the semi naked photo of Britain’s top share blogger (mornings only), thirsty Paul Scott and it is…not Wildes. Instead the victorious caption for the photo below is:

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1052 days ago

Neil Woodford Caption Contest: Three Disasters in three days edition

Of course they are not disasters for uber smug Neil Woodford. He earned £7 million last year. But for those dumb enough to entrust him with their money it has been another bad few days. On Friday it was Kier. Yesterday it was Halosource. Today it was Amo Pharma. So to win a semi naked photo of Britain's top share blogger (mornings only), Thirsty Paul Scott please supply a suitable caption in the comments section on ShareProphets for the photo below of the great fund manager creating value. The deadline for entries is midnight Wednesday, 5 December.

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1107 days ago

Big Dave Lenigas & Lyin' Steve Sanderson Horse Hill Caption Contest

Tear yourself away from looking at how much your portfolio is down and cheer yourself up by providing a caption for the photo David Lenigas is tweeting out today of him standing at Horse Hill with UK Oil & Gas (UKOG) boss Lyin' Steve Sanderson. Post your entries in the comments section below with a deadline of midnight tonight. The wittiest entry wins the usual prize: a semi naked photo of the UK's top share blogger, before lunchtimes, "Thirsty" Paul Scott.

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1559 days ago

See you in Court Bitchez Odd one out Contest

Okay this is easy as pie. I bring you a dodgy bubble, a disgraced share ramper, the King of the fraudsters, lyin' Chris, the head of a formerly AIM listed POS where 1/6 of the staff were family members and Jimmyliar himself. Which is the odd one out and why? Post your answers in the comments section below with a deadline of 7 AM Monday Morning.

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1572 days ago

End Austerity NOW - Saturday Caption Contest Result

On Saturday we supplied the picture below of two food bank using victims of evil Tory austerity marching to make the world a better place. We asked you for suitable captions and many were supplied as you can see HERE.

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1583 days ago

Little Steve Sanderson of UK Oil & Gas in action on the Weald Basin caption contest

It seems that little Steve Sanderson of UK Oil & Gas (UKOG) was hosting anyone who was interested at the company's site at Broadford Bridge on the Weald Basin. Just last week the Old Bill were arresting local protestors near the drill pad, so what is little Steve saying now? Suitable captions in the comments section below with a deadline of midnight tonight please.

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1598 days ago

New General Election caption contest: Three apologists for murder edition

Caption the photo of these three apologists for terror. Sadly it is headshots only so does not show the blood on their hands. The deadline is midnight tonight. Post away in the comments section over at ShareProphets.

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1602 days ago

Saturday Caption Contest - the Naked Share Blogger of the Year Edition

Don't worry it is not Paul Scott in the altogether, it is the official ADVFN share blogger of the year, Mr Daniel Levi, aka Brokerman Dan with his bling. All we ask is that you supply a suitable caption for the photo below with a deadline of midnight tonight. Post away in the comments section below. For what it is worth my entry is:

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1817 days ago

Monday Odd One Out Contest - Hint picture 1 is a Greek, picture 4 are Irishmen

This odd one out contest is really not that hard. Just look at the four pictures below and say which character or characters is the odd one out and why. Post your entries in the comments section below with a deadline of midnight Monday.

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1874 days ago

Keith Vaz & Jeremy Corbyn Caption Contest: "I'll be right behind you all the way"

It seems that Labour MP Keith Vaz is in a spot of bother what with the rent boys, the poppers and the cocaine. But one cannot say that his judgement is always poor. Vaz is one of the highest profile Labour MPs to come out as a supporter of Jeremy Corbyn as the man to lead our great party forward to electoral triumph. In that vein please feel free to submit your captions to the picture below in the comments section with a deadline of midnight Monday 5th September.

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1964 days ago

Caption Contest: June 24 2016, London..sponsored by Dodgy Dave Cameron

Just a quick caption contest with a deadline of midnight tonight. Sponsored by Prime Minister lyin' Dave Cameron pictured below is what London might look like on June 24 2016. Suitable captions for Dodgy Dave's picture by midnight tonight in the comments section below.

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1990 days ago

WH Ireland Pensioner Mugging caption Contest - A joint winner

There were some absolutely cracking entries for this caption contest as you can see here. In a sense, as it is round at WH Ireland (WHI), everyone is a winner (other than the clients) so high was the standard of entries as you sought suitable captions for the picture below from the WH Ireland HR department. But the two joint winners are 

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2023 days ago

Last Chance to Enter David Lenigas yacht & what is EBITDA contests - tonight

There are no prizes at all but the deadline to enter these two contests is no-one is watching O'Clock tonight (Friday), or as they say at the US Oil & Gas (USOP) press office, rush hour. The standard of entries so far as been incredibly high so to see those entries and post your one for EBITDA go HERE and for Jabba's yacht go HERE and e now also have a Call Me Dave tax dodging caption contest HERE

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2029 days ago

Photo: Slater & Gordon Due Diligence clever cats in action - should we buy now?

Thanks to reader J for this photo of the top cat from Slater & Gordon (SGH) staring at his screen wondering whether to buy Quindell (QPP)or not. With a deadline of Sunday midnight this is our latest caption contest. Simply post your entries in the comments section below.

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2040 days ago

Chris Oil Behind Bars Caption Contest Results - Don't Cry Oil, take it like a man

Predictably and delightfully the Chris Oil Photo behind bars caption contest produced a raft of filthy entries. A raft of filthy entries, don't let that thought play on your mind too much Mr Oil. You can see the full list here but there is a clear winner but also a cracking runner up (John Rimmer). The winner, well done to Brian for:

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2042 days ago

Chris Oil Is Behind Bars - New Caption Contest

The lying market abusing little criminal twerp is behind bars at last as the photo below shows clearly. Don't hold back in today's caption contest - post your entries in the comments section below.

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2046 days ago

Horse Hill Men in white protective anti-spill suits arrive on site - caption contest?

Okay the photo is from tree huggers but WTF is going on at Horse Hill. Men in whote protective suits arriving on the site and wandering around. Doing what exactly? Perhaps you'd like to suggest what the men in white coats are looking for at the Gatwick Gusher? Over to you. David Lenigas, Chris Oil, PR genius Steffi ( who works for both), anyone involved in Sefton, menacing PR hardman David Bick, Andrew Bell, shareholders in US Oil & Gas are all fair game. Do your worst in the comments section below. Deadline midnight Sunday

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2052 days ago

Worthington Spot the Crook/Caption Contest - Nuna Minerals AGM Photo

Nudged by a reader as we await the imminent death of Old Mother Worthington (WRN) in the snows of Greenland we bring you our latest spot the crook/caption contest - a photo of the Nuna Minerals AGM. Over to you, answers in the comments section below with a deadline of midnight today.

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2055 days ago

David Lenigas in Cuba Photo Caption Contest

Last week it was Doriemus ( booted off AIM onto the ISDX lobster pot) that was the Lenigas car crash. This week it is Fastjet ( dire profits alert, going bust). Which Lenigas associated company will crash & burn next week I wonder? But while shareholders in companies linked to Jabba The Hutt suffer, the man himself is hard at work in Cuba as the photo below shows.  By midnight tonight please submit your captions in the comments section below.

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2064 days ago

Jimmy Savile Enquiry published - loathed & shamed public figure caption contest

And so the enquiry into Mr Jimmy Savile has been published and in light of that we have a picture of Mr Savile with one of his associates, whom you may well recognise, in our loathed & shamed public figure caption contest. Simply post your captions in the comments section below.

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2067 days ago

Motive TV in Administration - Caption Contest

No golden ticket for the Bulletin Board Morons, Motive TV (MTV) announced yesterday that it was going into administration - we gave our take HERE. In honor of this event please supply your captions for the picture below by midnight tonight in the comments section below.

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2082 days ago

Market abusing criminal Chris Oil at Indaba Photo Caption Contest

"Mine's almost 100 foot long" Said criminal Chris Oil to PR Genius Steffi, the TR1 Queen. She looked at him doubtfully. No mine is bigger than that of David Lenigas. Steffi laughed. Chris smiled broadly: "No..., don't be silly I don't need to exaggerate about that...I am talking about my super yacht in the background." The little twerp held his fingers crossed tightly behind his back.

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2140 days ago

Saturday caption Contest - David Lenigas prepares for a slaughter of dumb creatures edition

Tomorrow I shall be examining the Afriag (AFRI) ramp of Friday in detail and Jabba The Hutt will not like that expose one iota. Ahead of that we have a picture of Mr Hutt preparing for a weekend shoot, an event in which a lot of dumb creatures will face wipeout. Anyone have a suitable caption for this picture of Jabba spending a rare monent away from his twitter account? All entries in the comments section below by midnight Sunday

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2206 days ago

The AIM Casino Awards Dinner Tonight - caption Contest

I have vented my spleen already today  in UK Investor Show Magazine HERE about the 1300 crony capitalists who will tonight eat, drink and be merry at YOUR expense at the AIM awards. So here is a little cartoon and I invite you to post your caption in the comments section below. For what it is worth...

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2252 days ago

Saturday Caption Contest - Stockmarket crash edition, sponsored by Malcolm Stacey

Most folks will not enjoy reviewing their portfolios this morning after last week's stockmarket meltdown. Even the man who says that he is better at stock picking than Warren Buffett, Mr Chris Oil, is having a bad time. To lighten the mood we ask you for captions for any of the pictures below - the deadline for entries is midnight Sunday. Come on Malcolm, give us your bullish take on these reminders that nothing changes....

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2261 days ago

Results of China fraud Caption Contest and a new one in honour of useless LSE boss Xavier Rolet

Thanks for all the entries to the China fraud caption contest of yesterday. That was such fun we have a new contest (deadline for entries midnight Saturday) in honour of the useless tosser Xavier Rolet, the garlic munching imbecile in charge of the London Stock Exchange.

We asked for captions for the photo below on Thursday. You can see all the entries HERE

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2312 days ago

Rob Terry under FCA investigation caption contest

Feeling 150% vindicated over the Quindell fraud the first celebratory ouzo beckons and in that vein let's have a Rob Terry caption contest just for fun. Simply post your captions for the picture below in the comments section.

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2350 days ago

Saturday Caption Contest - There is Good in Everyone Edition

We hope that you are enjoying the weekend and around midnight tonight an escape capsule recently jettisoned from the Death Star is set to arrive on a rebel alliance controlled planet with an important passenger on board. But who? Ahead of that moment we invite captions for the picture below.

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2355 days ago

Chris Oil & Sith Lord Zak Mir Marble Bath Caption Contest – with David Lenigas

As deranged blogger Chris Oil sweats on whether the Takeover Panel will make him bid for New World Oil & Gas he is bleating in twitter about how no-one is talking about his penchant for inviting foppish middle aged Old Harrovians into his hotel bathroom anymore. Always keen to please we bring you our Monday Caption Contest. Simply post your entries in the comments section below, deadline midnight tonight (UK time) 

 

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2416 days ago

An Early Monday caption Contest of a Topical Nature

With no reference to any particular court proceedings which may or may not be about to unfold we have an Early Monday caption contest. The deadline for entries is Wednesday when I have an important, er...meeting. Don't hold back, there's no prize just the joy of wide rangersing free speech. 

One suspects that stakeholders in Worthington and Rangers FC might be able to supply alternative captions to the one already included in the picture below

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2434 days ago

Wednesday caption contest – winner announced

On Wednesday a reader sent me a photo of a Greek statue with caption perhaps intended for Mr Doug Ware, the CEO of Worthington. I wonder how Mr Ware is getting on consulting with Houyan Lin of Naibu, Rob Terry of Quindell and JimmyLiar Ellerton of Sefton who ran other companies I attacked to see how they can deal with The Sheriff?  I gather Jimmy Liar has a nice mansion in Hawaii – paid for by Sefton Shareholders (minus 99.99%) – perhaps they could all meet up there.  Anyhow I asked you if you could supply an even better caption for the photo below.

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2436 days ago

Wednesday Caption Contest - Dedicated to Rob Terry of Quindell & Doug Ware of Worthington

How is Doug Ware of Worthington getting on consoluting with Houyan Lin of Naibu, Rob Terry of Quindell and JimmyLiar Ellerton of Sefton who ran other companies I attacked to see how they can deal with The Sheriff? Perhaps they should all meet up in Fujian to see how they can wield the "sword of truth" together? Despite Doug's best efforts to get The Old Bill onto me I have made it to Greece.  I knew that the false passport that Mossad provided as we jointly organised the global shorting conspiracy would come in handy one day.

Meanwhile a reader has sent in a picture just for Mr Ware to which he has already added a suitable caption. It is Greek themed

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2534 days ago

Friday Quindell Caption Contest - Jobs Going at the Country Club Edition

Are you a member of the QPPSAG and worrying about how to explain to the Mrs that Christmas is going to be cancelled until 2021? Are you employed by a well known Fraudulent company based in Fareham and worried that you are about to lose your job? Or are you a board member at Quindell facing an enforced career change within the next few days? I am here to help, The Sheriff can reveal that one Hampshire based business is hiring aggressively. Yes it is the Country Club!

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2542 days ago

Quenron Caption Contest – The Three stooges Issue

As they discuss how all their shares are about to be flogged to Bulletin Board Morons who reckon they are buying we bring you an exclusive shot from the Quindell boardroom of Rob, Steve and Larry in action. With a deadline of Friday midnight how about you suggest a suitable caption for the picture below. For what it is worth:

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2542 days ago

Rob Terry & Wormwood Scrubs Caption Contest – winners announced

In light of today's shock revelations about the biggest Quenron con yet plus the Securities fraud (HERE) and accounting fraud (HERE) it is a good day to announce the winners of the Rob Terry & Wormwood Scrubs caption contest from Saturday. The standard of entries was high and I had a good chuckle reviewing them all just now as you can do HERE. But the three best were:

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2545 days ago

Saturday caption Contest – Rob Terry of Quindell Edition

In light of today’s damming podcast showing that Rob Terry has committed securities fraud, the caption contest today is in honour of the Quenron (QPP) founder, Mr 2+2 can = 5 himself. 

The picture is of Wormwood scrubs and we invite you to post your suitable captions in the comments section below with a deadline of midnight Sunday. 

For what it is worth my entry is:

 “On arrival at his new Country Club, Rob Terry explains to his guards that he got 2 years for accounting fraud and 2 years for securities fraud but that 2+2 can = 3

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2549 days ago

Semi naked Quindell shareholder and contractor Kate Caption Contest

One of the more surprising tweets I received last week was from a lady in the grim north called Kate  (@modelsforkate) who had for some time been a self-confessed Quindell (QPP) shareholder and did not like what I was writing so took nearly all her clothes off in protest and send out a tweet inviting me to “kiss her ass”. Whatever. It has subsequently emerged that Kate’s enthusiasm for Quenron might be influenced by the fact that she earns fat fees sending clients to its ambulance chasing whiplash and industrial deafness centres. But let’s still give Kate a platform. As such I bring you her selfie and invite you to post suitable captions below. Deadline midnight tonight?

For what it is worth my entries are:

“facing yet another margin call one Quenron shareholder is forced to pawn her entire wardrobe”

Or

“How do you like my new clothes, this is the ball dress and is called the 2+2 can =5 empress range”

Or

“One of the better lookers of the thousands of folk who have been screwed by Rob Terry”

Over to you, let rip in the comments section below.

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2549 days ago

Weekend caption Contest: Quindell/QPPSAG Edition Results

The weekend caption contest threw up some cracking entries which you can see here.  But congratulations to the winner, larboulois, for:

You should have a word with that Quinron outfit if you’re hard of hearing, Sir.

I understand they’ll cut you a really good deal on any successful claim you might win and you’ll get your payout in Quindell shares based on a very reasonable forward price of £6.00 per share which will then ten-bag before year end.

Quids in Sir, quids in.

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2549 days ago

Weekend Caption Contest - Quindell QPPSAG Emergency Summit Edition

As the QPPSAG gathers for an emergency meeting this weekend to discuss whether shares in Quenron (QPP) will hit £3 by Christmas or make it to £5, we have managed to get a picture of group leader Steamy and one of his loyal followers on the way to the summit. we ask you to suggest a suitable caption by midnight on Sunday.

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2557 days ago

Monday's Global Shorting Conspiracy Prize caption Contest

Following the shock revelation on the LSE Bulletin Board asylum that my writings were driven by the fact that I was employed by the CIA which is in charge of the global shorting conspiracy against Quenron (QPP), I have a new caption contest for you. All you have to do is provide a caption for the image below, explaining in the style of an LSE posting Quindell moron how this fits into the global conspiracy which, alone, is causing Quindell shares to slide. Easy. A bottle of wine goes to the best entry received by midnight tonight.

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2557 days ago

Friday caption Contest – AIM Casino October 2014, Wall Street 1929 Edition

It’s Friday and so it is time for a caption contest  There is no prize simply post your captions  for this wonderful and still relevant today cartoon from 1929 in the comments section below by midnight tonight. For what it is worth my Quindell (QPP) themed entry is:

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2558 days ago

The AIM Casino Explained in One Picture - Saturday Caption Contest

We hope that this cartoon which is more than 150 years old explains how the LSE came up with the idea of the AIM Casino. The many bring their wealth in and buy shares and the money goes to the managers of the offerings (City Crony capitalists) and the Directors. Shimple, sheeple. To win today’s contest simply post your captions in the comments section below.

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2573 days ago

Daniel Stewart shares still suspended – shock picture from its IPO Department Revealed: Another Caption Contest

Shares in Crony capitalist Nomad and broker Daniel Stewart (DAN) remain suspended on the AIM casino as the financially challenged enterprise has still failed to get its accounts signed off and published. While we wait we have managed to obtain an exclusive image of its IPO Department. This is the part of the firm that brought you winners like Quenron (QPP), Naibu (NBU) and China Chaintek (CTEK), made £1 million raising cash for Globo (GBO) but could not quite manage to float China fraud Fraspens in August. So what will be its next offering?  I ask you by midnight tonight to post a suitable caption below.

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2573 days ago

Sunday Caption Contest Daniel Stewart Edition – winner announced

Some sparkling entries in the Sunday caption contest which celebrated the financial woes of crony capitalist City advisor Daniel Stewart (DAN), the firm that coined it in floating Quenron (QPP), Naibu (NBU) and China Chaintek (CTEK). Lest we forget Daniel Cesspit has also made more than £1 million  in recent years raising money for Globo.  Double coke and hookers all round. You can see all the caption entries HERE but the winner is:

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2574 days ago

Sunday Caption Contest – Daniel Stewart Special (again)

Let’s face it the firm that floated Quenron (QPP), China Chainek (CTEK) and Naibu (NBU) deserves to go bust so we won’t be able to laugh at Daniel Stewart for that much longer given how its shares are suspended, it cannot get its own accounts signed off on time and is almost out of cash (see HERE). So let’s have fun while we can. With a deadline of midnight tonight lets have your captions for the picture below:

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2574 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – Daniel Stewart & Steamy Special

Daniel Stewart (DAN) earns its money advising companies (not all of them frauds) how to list and behave on AIM. It brought us Naibu (NBU) and Quenron (QPP). Two days ago its own shares were suspended on the AIM casino because the cash strapped firm could not publish its accounts on time – see HERE. In honour of this…

We bring you an old cartoon in honour of Daniel Stewart, and its employees who raised money for Naibu, China Chaintek and Quindell, with the original caption below.

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2576 days ago

Naibu, Camkids, China Chaintek (Daniel Stewart) Caption Contest Results

On Monday we asked you for suitable captions for the picture below. You can see the full range of entries HERE but the winner is:

Alcira16247 with “Arghhh! Good God! You found it up Mr Terry’s, ……WHERE!

In light of recent events (see HERE) I would like to suggest a late entry:

“ In response to an urgent request from Daniel Stewart, the finance department at Naibu work out how to pay the next ten years annual retainers in advance

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2580 days ago

Monday Caption Contest – Naibu, China Chaintek and Camkids Special

Today Camkids (CAMK) has followed its fellow AIM casino Fujian shoe related China POS heroes Naibu (NBU) and China Chaintek (CTEK) in cutting their dividends despite claiming to be hugely cash generative and drowning in cash.  As such we bring you the Monday Caption Contest. Please post your captions in the comments section on ShareProphets:

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2589 days ago

Quindell Caption Contest - Numerous Brilliant Entries but the winner is...

Yesterday I asked you to supply captions for the cartoon below. There were numerous superb entries and it is worth checking out the comments section on the original article for a good laugh HERE. But the winner is...

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2589 days ago

Quindell Prize Caption Contest - win a lunch with Tom Winnifrith

Easy peasy. To win a lunch with me on 30th September at Real Man all you need to do is supply the funniest caption for the cartoon below. Feel free to go with a non Quindell (QPP) theme but the Quinnovation Group or Quenron as it is sometimes known seems an easy target.

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2651 days ago

Spot the Difference Contest – ref Hamas lies

My views on the situation in Gaza are pretty clear but are summed up in my weekly video postcard HERE.

I have been subjected to a hailstorm of abuse on twitter. One fellow said Israel should show moral superiority by defending itself without attacking rocket sites in Gaza. Hmmm think about that one. He was one of the more reasonable fellows.

Meanwhile Social Media is flooded with pics from Gaza supplied by Hamas and dutifully carried without verification by Israel haters such as the BBC. In that vein I invited you to play “spot the difference” on one picture currently doing the rounds to show how wicked the frigging Jews are. This is an alternative to the caption contest.

Entries in the comments section below

For what it is worth my entry is: "If the BBC says it was the wicked Jews who killed those kids both times surely we must believe it."

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2658 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest: Overpaid, generous pension, long holidays what do we want…MORE! Edition

For once the Mrs was not on strike with the rest of the public sector last week. The University Lecturers have already staged several walk outs this year and why on earth would they interrupt a three month break in the sun to turn up for a protest. But the rest of the comrades walked out. Did you notice the Country crumbling?

Public sector workers now earn more on average than those in the private sector. It is almost impossible for them to get fired – job security is 100%. They get guaranteed final salary pensions. They get more holiday – and throw more sickies than those in the private sector and what do they want? More!

They are an innumerate bunch. 

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2665 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest: Leon Brittan Edition

Everyone on Fleet Street or anyone who can use google knows the answes so why won’t David Cameron allow a full public enquiry to ask the questions relating to paedophile activity and cover-ups at Westminster in the 1970s and 1980s?

In that vein I ask you to post suitable captions for the picture of former Home Secretary Leon Brittan in the comment section below. Deadline Friday close of play.

For what it is worth my entry is: “It’s just Jimmy Saville’s address book, Cyril Smith’s police record and a few sketches of young girls by Rolf Harris…can you file these documents for me in the usual place please?”

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2672 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest – Goats in the Olive Groves Edition

No prizes for last week’s contest as the standard of entry too low. Jon Pickles where for art thou? To be honest my mind is a bit of a blank. As I describe in the Tomograph this week I am a bit frazzled as I work 28 hours a day ahead of a summer clearing trees and installing basic sanitation in the hovel in Greece that the Mrs has bought. And so my mind wanders to three months sitting in the hovel pondering how to get the eco-loo and humanure system up and running and watching the world go by at a Greek pace of life.

I shall naturally relay the full details of how a humanure system works to you all exclusively on this website. It will be gripping reading I assure you.

And so in that vein, I invite you to post suitable captions for the picture below in the comments section beneath this article. The deadline is next Friday night.

For what it is worth my mind is so frazzled that the best I can come up with is a rather predictable:

“Hey we are goats not sheep, the Quindell AGM is in the next field.”

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2681 days ago

Quindell Prize Caption Contest Results & New (Roy Hodgson) contest

Last week on both Shareprophets and here I asked you for captions to the picture below. The winner can join me for lunch at Real Man Pizza on me.

Among the best entries were:

“Is QPP flagging a dead horse?”  - Steve Brown

“The UKLA come up with a cracking idea for an eye catching cover to the next Quindell Annual Report” -   The Sheriff of AIM

“Employees of the latest Quindell acquisition get ready to start walking in front of cars as part of the new Telematics solution” – RT

But the winner comes from trashbat who can contact me by email to arrange a date with this entry

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2686 days ago

Weekly Prize Caption Contest – Quindell Special

Heck there could only be one subject for this week’s caption contest. Although the legacy of peace, love and stability that the war criminal Blair left in Iraq runs a close second.

As ever, post your caption for the picture below in the comments box below by Friday at 9 AM. The winner can join me at Real Man Pizza for lunch or dinner on me.  All you have to do is come up with a wittier entry than my own. Get posting.

For what it is worth my entry is:

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2693 days ago

Weekend Caption Contest – Crony Capitalist Angus Forrest Special

The Sheriff of AIM has Angus Forrest of AIM Cesspit listed Tern PLC officially “in sights” as you can read HERE. You can expect a series of bombshells over the next forty eight hours and if that does not end his PLC career then I guess that I shall have to keep going.

In light of this I invite your suggestions for a caption for the picture below. Please post them in the comments section beneath this article.

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2700 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest: How Hugh Grant fuelled US Economic Growth Edition

Actor Hugh Grant is, as you may remember, keen to gag the press so that it cannot run stories about how he used to get blow jobs from hookers in Los Angeles. But in the UK it appears that we are now going to include prostitution in how we calculate our Gross Domestic Product. As such it is surely a valid question to ask how much Mr Grant has contributed to US economic growth over the years?

As such the “Divine” picture below is totally relevant and I invite you to suggest a suitable caption for it. Please post your captions in the comments section below.

For what it is worth my entry is:

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2708 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest: The Political Classes are Listening to you NOT! edition

In the wake of the drubbing of LibLabCon in the local and Euro Elections the political classes have taken a few days off from fiddling their expenses to insist that they are listening to us plebs. “Of course we are listening, we have stopped calling you racists, little Englanders, etc and have ALWAYS been concerned about Europe, immigration, etc.”


Yeah right… and you are also going to crack down on expenses fiddling too?

In that vein I ask that you suggest suitable captions for the picture below:



For what it is worth my entry, on a different tack, is:

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2714 days ago

Weekly Caption Context – Low Tax & Gary Barlow Edition

I cannot remember the last time we ran a caption contest but it is time to get back into the old routine, if only to keep Jon Pickles happy.  As such this week we feature the man formally known as Saint Gary of Barlow, a man who could do no wrong but now known as a bit of a Jimmy carr on the tax avoiding front.

Mr Barlow is an enthusiastic member of Call Me Dave’s Conservative party in the mistaken belief that the spineless one was going to make the UK a low tax regime. I picture of the two men in happier times is your challenge.

Please post your entries in the comments section below by 9 AM Friday.

For what it is worth my entry is:

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2763 days ago

Weekly prize caption Contest – Tory MP Mark Menzies in rentboy and drugs scandal

As a supporter of both gay equality and also a believer in the decriminalisation of prostitution (more on that next week) and of drugs, in an ideal world Tory MP Mark Menzies would today still be a junior minister. But we do not live an in ideal world and thus news that Menzies paid £250 to bunk up with a 19 year old Brazilian rent boy and asked him to buy drugs on his behalf has seen Menzies step down as a junior minister.

In a sense I feel sorry for the chap. But then I read that on the gay marriage bill last year he voted yes but had said he planned to abstain. Why cannot he a little bit more honest about the fact that he is gay. After all, his boss – until today – Alan Duncan is openly gay.

And so the long line of Tory MPs and gay sex scandals goes on. Harvey Proctor (rend boys), Ted Heath (warned for cottaging but hushed up at the time), Stephen Milligan (died playing sex games with an orange), David Ashby (shared bed with male friend on holiday “to save money”), Jerry Hayes (under age sex). Right now Tory MP Nigel Evans is on trial accused of gay rape.

Surely someone should tell these chaps that as the law stands certain activities are somewhat unwise. In light of this all I simply re-run the picture from last week and invite you to post your captions in the comments section below.



For what it is worth my entry is:

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2770 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest: The Village People Edition

In light of this week’s Bulletin Board Moron & Bigot of the week story posted earlier there can only be one picture for this week’s caption contest. If you think that you can better my entry please post it in the comments section below:

My entry is:  As the Judy Garland blares in the background, the entire Shareprophets Editorial team and Evil Knievil decide that there is no point in living a lie and all come out…as bears of Gulf Keystone.”

 

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2777 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest – Evil Knievil hard at work Edition

Infamous bear raider and gambling addict Evil Knievil tells me he is “exhausted” after a hard week’s work studying the form for Cheltenham. His tax free winnings are £150,000. No doubt George Osborne thinks that EK would be “happier” paying 40% tax on them. In honour of the great man – a star speaker at UK Investor Show – we depict this “worker” labouring away with the tools of his trade.

Please supply suitable captions on the comments section below. The best entry wins a 50% off voucher for Maribelle’s



For what it is worth my entry is:

London Electricity reconnects power & vintners across London celebrate as a member of the labouring classes puts in a week of honest graft and finally pays his bills.”

I am sure you can do better. Post your captions in the comments section below.

Last week I asked for captions for this picture.



A Maribelle’s voucher is on the way to Happytrucker for:

Due to Government cut backs, Somali Pirates steam in on the new UK Aircraft Carrier.

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2784 days ago

Weekly Prize Caption Contest: Peace & Love on its way to the EU’s fave murderous Islamofascist regime edition

It did not gain much coverage in the UK press but last week the Israeli Navy intercepted a boat called the Klos C which was on its way from Iran, carrying a very special cargo, ultimately destined for the Hamas regime in Gaza.

This is the regime which receives vast amounts of funding from the EU every year. It is a regime which, according to the EU and other apologists for any crime committed against Israel is peace living and only acts in defence. So what was the Klos C carrying?

It was carrying missiles with the ability to hit any spot within the State of Israel and to kill Jews. For that is what Hamas is committed to. Of course when the Israeli Defence Forces intercepts ships with cargos ultimately bound for Gaza to stop deathly weapons getting through this is viewed as an act of aggression by its apologists in the West.

And so I ask you for suitable captions for this picture, the winner getting a discount voucher to Maribelle's



For what it is worth my entry is: “Fresh from creating harmony to the Ukraine, EU foreign minister Baroness Ashton issues a message of thanks to the people of Iran for their assistance in creating a one-state final solution to the problems in Palestine.”

Last week I asked you for captions to this picture of a man born with a silver spoon in his mouth who has never done a useful day’s work in his life and also of Prince Phillip.



The impartial judge (my cat Tara) reckons that the best entry came from me, viz:

 "Okay that is Fergie taken care of now where should we put Boris Johnson?"

I hope that you can do better than me this week – post your entries in the comments section below.

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2792 days ago

Weekly Prize Caption Contest - Phil The Greek & Call Me Dave Edition

This photo cropped up somewhere on the internet of Phil the Greek and our beloved leader David Cameron. It is just too good to pass up on. And so please go ahead and post suitable captions in the comments section below. The deadline for entries is Friday afternoon and a Maribelle's voucher goes to the winner

For what it is worth my entry is: 

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2798 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest – White Dee Edition

White Dee is a character from the Channel 4 shows “Benefits Street”. Until 2007 she worked for Birmingham City Council but was then sacked for stealing £13,000. Has she repaid that dosh or gone to prison? Of course not, this is Britain in 2014.

Today she rakes in £200 a week in benefits tax free and is unable to work because she is “too depressed”. Of that £200 she reckons that £120 goes on junk food for her and her family and then there are the 20 cigarettes a day. I expect they are bought “under the counter” but that will still be another £35.

She cheerfully admits that there are folks out there working really hard to clear £100 a week but White Dee is too “depressed” to join them. Heck £200 a week tax free is the equivalent of £12-13,000 a year working and so why the hell should she work. I do not blame her for choosing a life of being a scrounging parasite, I blame our welfare system for not forcing her to work. That would make her depressed.

Instead she is apparently planning to trouser £60,000 appearing on celebrity Big Brother or to run for parliament as an MP (she supports Labour natch). At least as an MP she would feel at home with the other state fund parasites and thieves at Westminster.

And so I invite you to look at this lazy lardball below and as you think about getting up early tomorrow morning to go to work, think about how she is living off your taxes. Post a suitable caption in the comment section below by next Friday:



For what it is worth my entry is:

“Another victim of the austerity programme of the wicked Tories contemplates how she is being made to suffer."

 

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2805 days ago

Caption Contest – Chris Smith at the Environment Agency Edition

Lord Chris Smith of the Environment Agency is at the eye of the storm. Not only has his quango failed abjectly to deal with the floods but it has now emerged that it has pissed away cash on non-core matters – like sponsoring Gay Pride – in a spectacular style.

As such I offer up this picture of Lord Smith of Finsbury and invite you to supply suitable captions in the comments section below.

For what it is worth my entry is:

Woman: “You just do not understand, the dykes across Somerset have failed and are now invisible.”
Smith: “I am on the case madam, we have just donated £20,000 to the Taunton Gay Pride parade”

Last week...

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2812 days ago

Weekly Prize Caption Contest – havn’t the poor bastards in Somerset suffered enough edition?

What is worse than having your house flooded out? Or indeed being in any sort of human tragedy? It is having a troupe of politicians coming to see you afterwards.  And so this week Cameron, Pickles, Farage some Lib Dems you have never heard of and ex Labour Minister Chis Smith (now running the Environment Agency) have all trouped off to Somerset to “see for themselves”, to show they care and to offer vague promises they know they cannot keep.

If I am ever involved in any great human tragedy and am lying on hospital or am waist deep in flood water my one request is that no politician comes to visit me. It will only make me feel more angry and resentful.

And so to win a 50% off token for Maribelle’s I offer this picture of UKIP leader Nigel Farage as he paid homage to the flood victims. I shall be dealing with his ludicrous but populist suggestions later. Please post your captions in the comments section below.



For what it is worth my entry is:

I am NOT a politician so you can trust me…it is this long

 

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2826 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest – Ed Balls Edition

The man who worked alongside Gordon Brown so closely to help make the Nation's finances so sound, Mr. Ed Balls has this weekend outlined his plans to sort out the nation’s finances. They are risible needless to say, and will be covered in this week’s Tomograph (going out Monday AM) which you can register to receive HERE..

But if you would care to win a voucher giving you 50% off your bill at  our new wine & tapas bar Maribelle’ for a party of up to 4, when it opens in eight days please supply a caption for the picture below showing one person with only a basic grasp of economics and also a young five year old girl. Post your entries in the comments section below by Friday at noon



For what it is worth my caption is 

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2833 days ago

Weekly Prize Caption Contest - Noah gives his thanks to UKIP Edition

Thanks to the UKIP Nutter of the Week this is a pretty easy one to enter. To win a 50% discount voucher for a party of up to 4 at Maribelle's when we open our new tapas and wine bar in February simply add your caption to the picture below in our comments section.

 


For what it is worth my entry is 

Noah gave thanks to Nigel Farage's UKIP party for his salvation as he sailed through the streets of San Francisco 

Or 

It is 2000 BC and the BBC reporter on board the ship sent out to show how global warming is causing sea levels to fall, sends back his latest treport to London


 

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2834 days ago

Jimmy Saville, Arthur C Clarke, Cyril Smith & Leon Brittan: Odd One Out Competition Results

Last week instead of a caption contest I asked you to name the odd one out and say why from the four gentlemen pictured below. It was so simple yet no correct winner emerged. The four men pictured below are of course: Jimmy Saville, Cyril Smith MP, Sci-fi writer Arthur C Clarke and former Tory Minister and European Commissioner Leon Brittan.

 

 

 

The correct answer is of course

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2840 days ago

Prize caption Contest – very odd one out edition

I cannot run with another caption contest based on the idea that some people still believe in David Cameron or global warming or both. So instead I offer you the photos of four well known men and invite you to say without breaking any laws of libel which is the odd one out.

The most entertaining factually correct answer wins a 50% off voucher to the soon to open new Spanish wine & tapas bar in Clerkenwell, Mirabelle’s. Prop… you know who. Post your ideas in the comments box below by Friday at noon.

Last week I asked for a caption for this photo.

 

The winner is Donalgarth for:

Penguin one "No I don't fancy their chances at all, I've heard that FAT Sam's leading the rescue party."


He will be sent his voucher entitling him for 50% off his bill when he visits Mirabelle’s.

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2847 days ago

Prize Caption Contest – The two Ships of Fools in the Ice & Call Me Dave with Foxy Blonde issue

I am sure that for many readers of this blog there have been two highlights of the Christmas News Season. The first came from Call Me Dave Cameron who arranged a photo shoot with a foxy blonde lady who was one of the first to use taxpayers cash to buy a flat under the Government’s Help to Buy scheme ( also known as lets bribe the fools with their own cash by inflating the housing bubble to win the election scheme).




It has since emerged that this bird (Ms Sharon Ray) did not need taxpayer’s cash at all since she drives a £33,000 sports car. Better still, the Estate Agent who pocketed a handy commission for selling the flat to the foxy bird was in fact the foxy bird herself. Great photo op Call Me Dave and I am delighted that my taxes are going to such a worthy cause. 

Only one event trumps this triumph for the heir to Blair and it was the stranding in ice packs of the Russian research vessel Akademik Shokalskiy over Christmas. This ship was carrying 52 passengers (including research scientists and, naturally, reporters from the BBC and its sister paper The Guardian) and was travelling to the Antarctic to investigate how global warming was melting the ice packs.

I would have thought that they would have been more successful had they been trying to find a bunch of Shepherds, three wise men and a virgin in Cardiff City Centre. They would at least have found the shepherds. Antarctic ice is in fact at levels not seen since modern records began. I know that the computer models 

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2861 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday Edition: The Conservative Club

I am yet to enjoy my formal interview at the local Conservative Club or indeed to find out whether they have fixed the Wi-Fi yet. But with snow forecast the Mrs may well have to grit her teeth again and visit the only boozer which is not down at the bottom of a slippery big hill.

The Mrs are convinced that the blue lights now in the windows of the Club (pictured below) are some sort of political statement. As a BBC watching Guardian reader she might have forgotten that Christmas was on its way. If course she has not! Only kidding.

My father (a deluded lefty) has already decided that faced with cheap beer and a short walk or expensive beer and a long walk he is quite willing to throw principle to the wind when visiting. But then if you have spent the past few years drinking at the White Bear in Shipston-on-Stour with David Mills (Silvio Berlusconi’s friend and once again Tessa Jowell’s husband now that the old bag is quitting front line politics) you will drink with anybody.

Anyhow, are there any suitable captions for the picture of “my club” below



My effort is:

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2869 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Saturday

I am devoid of ideas and must rush home to feed the cats as I complete my domestic odessey vfrom Rivington Street to Bristol. As such I offer up a simple picture for you this week and ask for your captions by 9 AM next Friday. Simply post then in the comments secti9on below.



For what it is worth my entry is:

New management calling the 15% of our passengers who have not already abandoned ship…anyone fancy coming to an investment show in late April?

Last week I asked you for a caption to this picture in the robber capitalist issue.

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2875 days ago

Friday caption contest on a Sunday – mentioning no names issue

Devoid of an internet connection at home I have been forced to spend the whole day in the pub and as I embark on my third large Rioja I am trying to be careful that I do not write anything too silly.

As such I make no comment on the picture of someone below who is clearly a master investor but came up under the google search “robber capitalist.” Should you wish to post a suitable caption in the comments section below feel free. The deadline is 9 AM Friday.

Last week I asked you for a suitable caption to this Nigella themed picture.

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2882 days ago

Weekly Caption Contest – Nigella Lawson Christmas Special Edition

There is only one story I care about this week, the fall from grace of Nigella Lawson, the woman formerly known as the Domestic Goddess and now known as a major consumer of Colombian marching powder. 

In light of that I bring you a Highella Christmas Special and ask you to supply suitable captions in the comments section below.

 

For what it is worth my entry is: Nigella says

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2889 days ago

Sunday caption Contest - Co-op bank edition

The Rev Flowers of the Co-Op bank seems to have committed every mortal sin bar murder.So who to replace him with. I offer you up this week;s caption contest. Please post your captions in the comments section below by Friday at 9 AM.



For what it is worth my entry is:

The CO-OP board: " I am sorry Mr Caligula your CV looks impeccable  but for one issue - it seems as if you know something about banking - so I am afraid your application was unsuccessful." 

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2896 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday – Jumaa Kater Saleh Edition

Don’t’ know who Jumaa is yet?  Is that

 a)      Because Theresa May has cracked down on the UK’s insane asylum laws and so there is no problem

b)      Becuase you have not read the sane Sunday press

c)       Because you read the Guardian/Observer/Independent and think that our immigration/legal aid/welfare system is an unmitigated blessing so have not been told about Jumaa?

Ok, to the chase: Jumaa arrived in the UK illegally in 2004 in the back of a lorry. He cannot speak proper English. He has never worked. He has always lived on benefits. And he raped a 13 year old girl and two other minors. He is a paedophile.

So is the UK:

a) putting him in prison for a long time and then sending him back to Sudan because Theresa May has cracked down on the UK’s insane asylum laws?
b) Sending him straight back to Sudan?
c) having jailed him for just two years it is now paying him vast amounts of compensation for keeping him in prison longer as we tried to deport him and thus infringing his human rights?

Guess what? It is c. No kidding. Apparently Jumaa has cost the British taxpayer £350,000 since are arrived here. And Theresa May is useless. Well that second item won’t be news to you.

In honour of this case I ask you for captions to the picture below. Please post your entries in the comments section.

 

For what it is worth my caption is: 

 

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2903 days ago

Caption Contest – War Criminal Tony Blair’s Poppy Appeal Edition

At 11 AM today the world fell silermnt as we remembered those who have their lives for this country in wast justifiable and wars illegal – step forward Tony Blair on the latter count.  What was the war criminal thinking at 11 AM today and what will he be thinking at 11 AM on the 11th day of the 11th month tomorrow?

As such I offer you up a picture of David Cameron’s role model at PM as he wears his poopy with pride. What is Blair thinking? Please post your suggestions in the comments section below by Friday



For what it is worth my entry is:

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2924 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday – the Church of England on Finance Issue

My father has done more than his fair share of work as Treasurer of the Shipston Parish. Its finances are okay – thanks in good part to my father handing over far too much of his dosh – but the finances of the wider C of E are a shambolic disaster. The reason is that it is a failing organisation – it keeps on losing customers to the grim reaper, other faiths and sects or to apathy and it is not replacing them.

One reason for this may be that the Church, like other once respected bodies such as the National Trust and the RSPCA seems intent on straying off its core patch. All three of these bodies have made themselves look ridiculous with their pronouncements on matters such as global warming and hunting of animals. But they just cannot help themselves.

And thus the Archbishop of Canterbury has today waded into the energy price debate telling companies that they should sacrifice profits by cutting prices ( prices agreed with the regulator) so folks are less badly off. Why not instead cut this Government’s ludicrous energy taxes imposed to help reduce our carbon footprint? Er…. Because the Church still thinks the planet is getting warmer (even though we are now in year 16 of cooling).

This is not a moral point the Church and the Archbishop is making but a political one.

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2932 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Monday Edition – Polly Toynbee and the Grim North edition

The highlight of the week was Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee, possibly the most annoying and stupid woman alive today, blaming the 2007 death of Baby P on the wicked Tories. I am sure you can spot the flaw in that pathetic smear.

With that in mind I have arrived in the Grim North, where Labour likes to keep folk poor so that they still support the People’s Party, for a weekend with the in-laws. It has rained solidly since we passed passport control in Leicestershire and so I have not ventured out to check out the poverty porn in great detail. But I guess that all those folks whose welfare payments won’t stretch to buying shoes will be feeling pretty cold, wet and miserable as they troop off to the local to blame everything on Thatcher and the bankers.

Since I am assured that no-one up here bothers getting up before midday I shall pop out tomorrow to have a look around. But in this vein, for this week’s caption contest I ask you to supply a witty few words for the picture below.

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2938 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday – The appalling BBC Edition

Having seen clips from last week’s Question Time and some of the coverage of the Red Ed vs. The daily Mail issue, I wonder if the BBC has plumbed new depths. Mired in new scandals over payouts for failure, sex crime cover ups and much more besides the real issues are:

Firstly that the taxpayer funded broadcaster produced either the sort of rubbish (everything on Radio 1 for example) which should be the domain of the private sector. If there is a demand for this sort or garbage why should the taxpayer subsidise it? If not then since it is rubbish why produce it at all?

And secondly that the news coverage is anything but impartial. How the audience cheered as the panel bashed the Mail on QT? How the BBC ignored both the facts of this non story and also the double standards in the way that Red Ed had treated those who gloated over the death of Thatcher? Why should my taxes fund propaganda? By the way is the BBC still insisting that the planet is heating up thanks to global warming?

As such I invite your captions for the picture below



My own feeble effort is:

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2952 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday – Pinsent Masons Edition

It seems to have been ages since I ran a caption contest. But as I prepare for my next date in Court with uber expensive bully boy City lawyers Pinsent Masons it is time to go again. For on Friday we have another case management conference with Master Kay at the High Court in the Sefton libel trial. You may remember that Pinsents really should not be there at all since it is 100% conflicted as I have formally noted that Pinsents Partner Russell Booker is called as a witness by me. Moreover Pinsents only witness (Jim Ellerton) has been fired in disgrace by Sefton for being a liar and a crook.

The case is thus a total shambles yet Pinsents is ploughing on and will be invoicing poor old Sefton another £10,000 or so for its work in the week that lies ahead.

As such I offer up this picture and ask you to supply your caption in the comments section below by Friday at 9 AM.

Example static alt text
For what it’s worth my caption is:

As the crack Pinsents legal team met to discuss the Sefton case, partner Russell Booker put on his hat and declared of course we are not conflicted

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2979 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Monday - Sefton's Ellerton going to prison issue

Apologies for the delay. Well there is a lot happening right now. Following the highly successful interventions in Afghanistan, Iraq, Egypt and Libya it seems as if we are about to intervene in Syria as well. Will we ever learn?  Away from the folly of our leaders my mind this week centred on victory in my battle with AIM POS Sefton Resources and its liar and crook chairman Jim Ellerton. Bully boy lawyers Pinsent Masons has yet to throw in the towel officially (heck why not rack up some more fees while you can?) but it is only a matter of time.

If you missed the victory at Pinsents Video please watch and pass the link onto everyone you know. I gather the bully boys are hating all this bad PR. Given its role in the Sefton dirty tricks campaign against me Pinsents deserves all the shit it gets. So please watch the video and pass on the link to EVERYONE YOU KNOW - it is  HERE
This week’s picture  is below. Please post your captions in the comments box below.

 

For what it is worth my entry is

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2987 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday – Turning £95,000 into £26.67 edition

Anyone who invested £95,000 in Sefton Resources (SER) when it listed on AIM more than a decade ago would, if they tried to sell their shares tomorrow net £26.67 (before dealing costs). Meanwhile executive chairman Jim Ellerton lives in a multimillion dollar beachfront mansion in Hawaii. Thanks to fees, salary, “director cash advances” and share trades (not to mention loans from Gary Dillabaugh that he has not repaid) Jimmy has made around $7 million from Sefton since its IPO.

Chuck in NI payments, first class air fares to and from Hawaii for 13 years, 5 star hotel accommodation around the world at Sefton’s expense, the company car in Hawaii and the rest and Jim Ellerton has cost Sefton c$10 million. In light of this I offer you this picture and invite you to post suitable captions in the comments section below by 9 AM Friday or by when Sefton’s shares are suspended – whichever is sooner.


For what it is worth my entry is: “As he gazes from his bedroom window Jim Ellerton reminds himself that whatever his critics may say not all shareholders have lost everything.”

And remember that there is still time to win a Justice for the Sefton 2 T-shirt in the ShareProphets Jim Ellerton Gary Dillabaugh caption contest which you can find here.



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2994 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday – Fat & Stupid Scotland Edition

I am sure that this will get me into trouble in some quarters but can someone explain why there are so many fat and stupid people in Scotland? I start with its leader Alex Salmond. Faced with the fact that Scotland is the third fattest nation in the world ( after the US & Mexico) and getting fatter the Scots Government says
We are investing more than £7.5 million between 2012 and 2015 on projects to encourage healthy eating.”

a)      How much has been spent on such projects between 2009 and 2012 and did Scotland get fatter or thinner? So why spend more money?

b)      You are not investing. Scotland is a heavy net taker from the Union in fiscal terms. So you are taking money from English taxpayers and not investing it (that implies you get a return) but pissing it away creating yet more non jobs.

Okay, so we have established the Scottish Government is thick and as it happens its leader Mr. Salmond is a real lardbucket.  So what about the folks he claims to lead?

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3001 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday - Middle Aged model edition

I reprint the pghoto below not out of vanity but in response to a request from a reader. It is of me posiing in our new must wear T-shirt, the Gary Dillabaugh special. You can of course buy your own Gary Dillabaugh T-short HERE
In answer to the reader's direct question: Yes we did clean the table after I stood on it.  So post your captions in the comments section below. The deadline for entries is - as usual - 9 AM on Friday.

For what it is worth my entry is:

"With his drawings from Sefton last year Jim Ellerton could buy almost 17,000 of these T-shirts and have them shipped first class to Hawaii"

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3008 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday - Injunction Special

And so to this week's caption contest There are no prizes here and entries may not be approved if they threaten legal issues but anything in bad taste will be published at once. And so I ask you to submit in the comments section below by Friday at 9 AM your captions for this picture of a well known businessman and one of his former employees: Mr Rupert Murdoch and Ms Rebekka Brooks.

For what it is worth my entry is:

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3015 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday (thanks to Jim Ellerton)

To be honest I am a bit starved of ideas and the bird wants to head off for a romantic meal so the best that I can do on the caption front is to offer up a picture from earlier. Please post your wittiest captions in the comments section below.

For what it is worth my entry is:

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3022 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday - How Much does a Lib Dem peerage cost edition

Have the MP's awarded themselves the pay rise they need to stop them stealing on expenses/retain the best talent? I have lost track. But nothing seems to change with the political classes. And so I read today that James Palumbo, the founder of the Ministry of Sound is to be made a Lib Dem peer having given the party £500,000 (or half a Bernie).  Of coure all political parties play the same game and I am sure that this can be justified. After all his Dad is a Lord and what with cocaine being found in nine loos at the Houses of Parliament last week a night club boss will feel right at home there.

Anyhow please supply your captions for this picture in the comments section below.



For what it's worth my entries are:

"We are different from the old parties...we are here to change the corrupt established way of doing politics"

or

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3036 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday - Syria Madness Edition

I was tempted to lead on the news that a Tory MP who I had never heard of was given a standing ovation and embraced warmly at a meeting of his local association this week. For saying that the EU was a joke? That he believed in low taxes, reform of the welfare state or that he took a tough line on law and order? Be serious this is Call Me Dave's new look Tory Party and so it could only be one thing...Daniel Kawczynski outed himself as the UK's first openly bisexual MP. Great..like we give a damn who you shag but it would be kind of pleasing if you could cut the deficit/stand up to the EU, etc.

Now if an MP were to out himself as the UK's first MP not to fiddle his expenses that really would be something. Anyhow it has made Dave Cameron happy. Whatever. But instead I turn to red blooded heterosexual MP William Hague, aka the foreign secretary who would like to be a real macho man ( a great song by those other neo-Cons the YMCA) and get us all involved in the war in Syria. Wow after all the success we have had with our interventions in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and Egypt (in flames this weekend) lets make it five straight wins and send lots of weapons (paid for by the UK Money Tree) off to the Islamofascist rebels in Syria.

Please post your captions to this picture in the comments section below by 9 AM on Friday.



For what it is worth my entry is:

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3043 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday

It was a rather quiet week on the news front but in London around 2,000 assorted deluded lefty fruitcakes gathered on Saturday for the “People’s Assembly against Austerity.” Dragged from the 1970s were old loons like Tony Benn but there were also a new generation of loons.  Benn has the excuse of senility. The new loons are just thick. Government spending is actually increasing year on year.  The wicked Tories are spending more and more as the UK hurtles towards bankruptcy. What do they not understand?
As such I ask you for captions to this picture of assorted fruitcakes.

Please post your captions in the comments section below by 9 AM on Friday.
For what it is worth my caption is lifted from a quote from one delegate who attended the People’s Assembly. Yes he did actually say this.

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3050 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday – Wendi Deng Edition

News that 147 year old media mogul Rupert Murdoch is to divorce his stunning 44 year old wife of 14 years Wendi Deng has got the media speculating. I would naturally cover it in the style of a Murdoch paper: facts wrong, extreme sensationalism and with no pretence of balance.

And so naturally one wonders what, fifteen years ago, attracted the phew what a scorcher Ms Deng to the filthy old man then aged only 133? But what folks are wondering now is why the split? Already Tony Blair’s office has had to state that the old war criminal is not having an affair with Wendi. Heck, if you were married to the Wicked Witch what could possibly make you want to stray?

And so this week there is again no prize on offer other than glory and a chance to be rude about figures who ask for it but post your captions for the picture below in the comments section by midnight on Friday.

PIC RUPE & WENDI

For what it is worth my entry is:

“That rare entity… a working couple who have not been screwed by Tony Blair”

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3058 days ago

Friday caption Contest on a Saturday - Money Tree edition

No winners from last week’s contest. Let’s hope for more inspired entries this week.  And on that matter as I see I am being bashed on twitter for suggesting that we do not give EVEN more money to the world’s third largest employer because the UK Government has so much to spend I come to Mr Ed Balls, MP.

Apparently Ed reckons that the last Labour Government was not profligate and is now starting to outline his vision for how he will bankrupt Britain within five years starting 2015. Sorry, I meant to say: how he will like Gordon Brown be prudent and manage the Nation’s finances responsibly.

And so here is the picture. Post your entries in the comments section below by 9 AM next Friday.

For what it’s worth I am torn between

“Crook and bigot, Sir Patrick Mercer dreams about his remaining two years as an honourable member of parliament”

and

“Islamofascist Hate preacherAnjem Chowdary offers praise to the source of his £25,000 a year tax free lifestyle package”

and

“Ed Balls takes advice from Tom Winnifrith's deluded lefty partner and assures us that Labour’s spending plans are fully costed”

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3064 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday - Back to Sleaze Edition

You kind of thought that cash for questions was just a bit nineteen nineties. that after the expenses scandal the Westminster stable had been cleansed. Wrong! Those greedy mothers in parliament, not content with gunning for inflation busting pay rises are at it again, taking bribes for asking questions. Panorama has exposed not only Patrick Mercer MP but also three Lords for taking cash for asking questions about Fiji on behalf of a bogus lobbying company.

Other MPs lined up to join Mercer's all party Fiji Group, one asking if he could take his wife on the first "fact-finding mission." Mercer described most of the recruits as freeloaders. I'd describe the entitre political class as freeloaders.

Right now the political class is taking yet another well earned holiday. But the MPs and Lords will be back soon. And in that vein I ask for captions to the picture below. Post your captions in the comments section below.



For what it is worth my entry is "At the annual AIM awards dinner the Jim Ellerton and the directors of Motive TV and Verdes Management tuck into the main course and discuss how important it is to remunerate senior staff appropriately in order to attract the right talent

Post away....



 

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3071 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Sunday – Tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime issue

As we all know Call Me Dave is keen on appealing to core Conservatives voters. Hence welfare spending is up, the deficit is out of control, we have no vote on the EU, gay marriage is a core issue, etc. But at least we know one thing. The Conservatives are the party of law & order. In Call Me Dave’s Britain we are tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime. Not trivial issues but the sorts of crime that really has us all worried.

As such I bring you a picture this week of one hardened villain caught red handed with the weapon of intent. If you are at this stage lost read more here.

Tough cheese there is no prize for the wittiest caption for the picture below just glory.



For what it’s worth my entry is:

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3078 days ago

Friday Caption Contest (on a Sunday) - Greedy & Stupid Teachers Edition

So much news to choose from but what to pick. Naturally if this was Fleet Street I would focus on the two events of the week of global importance: Denmark winning Eurovision and Bonnie Tyler bombing or the retirement of Mr David Beckham, national icon and member of the alternative Royal Family - the posh one.
However I go with news that the Teachers Union has passed a motion of no confidence in Michael Gove. Teacher's salaries have skyrocketed in the past decade ( heck the State does own a money tree after all). Grade inflation masks the fact that School Leavers today have RRR skills that are not a patch on those of 20, let alone 50 years ago. This is a wholesale reward for failure.

Mr Gove wants to make changes. The Teachers want no changes and are also planning strikes over pay. They are greedy and immoral bastards. As such I am rather warming to Mr Gove. And so while all must have prizes in today's schools I will merely award five nominal A*s for the best entry to the caption below

For what it is worth my entry is:

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3085 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on Sunday – US Oil & Gas Edition

What a week. I feel that I have given David Cameron both barrels in the Tomograph and so what else to feature in this week’s caption contest? The retirement of that miserable old toad Sir Alex Fergie? Nope I have sworn to leave that alone since the mainstream media is obsessed by it? The looming bankruptcy of Spain? Prince Harry in the US? Nope it has to be the tragedy come comedy that is US Oil & Gas (USOP).

The prize for this week’s caption contest? Rather like the prize for owning USOP shares there is none.  But feel free to post whatever caption you feel appropriate in the comments section below for this little picture.

 

 

For what it is worth my entry is

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3093 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on a Saturday: Nick Clegg Special

It is so long since we ran a caption contest that I have forgotten what that caption was or who won. Let’s assume that it was the Evil son for simplicity’s sake. And so this week caption contest features that leader of the party whose candidate in Bridgewater South got zero votes on Thursday. Even the candidate herself could not bring herself to vote Lib Dem. Meanwhile in South Shields Nick Clegg’s party scored the worst by-election result for a major party (do the Lib Dem’s count as one?) since 1948. Across the land Beardy Weirdies with Orange rosettes were thrashed. As such I ask for captions to this picture.

For what it is worth my entry is:

Nick Clegg predicts the number of seats the Lib Dems will win at the next election…best case scenario

Or

 Nick Clegg counts up the number of Lib Dem votes in Bridgewater but is out by ten.

Post your entries in the comments section below – deadline 9 AM Friday.

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3106 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – Revolting Students Edition

Better late than never, this caption contest comes to you from the North Terminal at Gatwick Airport where I am spending the night ahead of an early flight. Of course there were only two stories last week: the Funeral of our Greatest ever Prime Minister and the attacks in Boston.  At 3 AM in the morning I am not sure I can say anything much about either but as you look at tomorrow’s leaders below do your best in this week’s caption contest.

Post your entries in the comments section below:

For what it is worth my entry is:

“This champagne’s too warm…I blame Thatcher”

Or

“The BBC interviews a representative cross section of young people in its coverage of the passing of Lady Thatcher”

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3122 days ago

Friday Caption Contest - Shit in the Post Edition

The prize in this week's Caption Contest is a bottle of English "champagne" signed by myself - the catch is that I shall hand it over at the UK Investor Show next Saturday 13th April. If you are not there to collect I shall drink it myself.

The caption required is for this picture - something I received in the post on Thursday.

For what it is worth my entry is:

"The board of Sefton Resources/ College Group PR confuse the birthdays of the two Tom Winnifrith's"

If you can do better please post your entries in the comments section below by the morning of Friday 12th April.

Last week I asked you for captions to this contest in the Kay Larsen, College Group PR, pornography and sheep shagging edition. There was no prize to be awarded anyway it was just a chance to get a few more google search terms in there for Kay.

And so the winner, according to the independent judge is the Evil son of deluded lefties with:

Sheep One: I just want to talk about pornography
The ram in the middle: I just want to shag some sheep
Sheep Two: I only read articles about Advanced Computer Software which Kay Larsen says that I should

Good luck & I look forward to presenting a prize on April 13th

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3128 days ago

Friday Caption Contest on Saturday – College Group PR, sheep shagging and pornography Edition

There is so much I could have covered in this week’s caption contest but somehow the spark of interest is missing. I cannot think of anything at all funny to say and so I was tempted not to run a contest at all but with no prize on offer I offer up the following picture taken, I gather in Wales. In honour of PR prude Kay Larsen of College Group PR who thinks that she has the right to dictate exactly where her clients are covered and how, I offer up this picture.



For what it is worth my entry is:

Sheep One: I just want to talk about pornography
The ram in the middle: I just want to shag some sheep
Sheep Two:

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3149 days ago

Saturday Caption Contest – Falkland Islands Referendum Special

The people of the Falkland Islands will this weekend be allowed a vote on whether they wish to stay British or become Argies. How novel, folks being allowed to decide from where they are ruled? I doubt it will ever catch on back in the UK or not at least until 2018 or whenever.
 
Some people like the President of a nation built on the principle of self-determination back in 1776 (I refer to President Obama) do not care about the result and want the UK to start talks with the bankrupt imperialists of Argentina anyway.  I guess Obama is a clued up on democracy as he is on economics. 
 
But in honour of this vote I bring you this week’s Caption Contest. The winner gets a Piss off Argentina T-shirt which of course you can buy (with a Piss off Argentina mug) here.
 
 

For what it is worth my caption is:  

“Once again the Argies get that sinking feeling as the Falkland Islands referendum results come in”
 
If you can come up with anything better please post your entries in the comments section below.
 
Last week I served up two photos. The first was of Lord Rennard preparing to interview Lib Dem candidates for Parliament and the second was of a man who cannot remember anything bad and will be looking for a new job in 2015.

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3157 days ago

Friday Caption Contest - I cannot remember when I forgot to remember about the sex pest Edition

There is only one story this week: when did Nick Clegg know that his leading party official not only looked like Jabba The Hut but, allegedly, shared his views on career advancement for women.

My caption for this one is: So Princess Leia how would you like to be a Lib Dem MP?

And so in honour of this episode and to win a Chris Huhne Liar! Criminal! T-shirt I ask you for captions to the picture below.

Remember that you can also buy the Chris Huhne special T-shirt as well as a “Justice 4 the Sefton 2” T-shirt, mug or hoodie exclusively at our online store.

For what it is worth my caption is

Salesman: Sir, If you want to fit in the entire Parliamentary Lib Dem party after 2015 you will need to buy the 4 seat model

Or alternatively:

Chris wanted you to look after his car whilst he is off the road and says do not worry about speed cameras he knows a sure fire way to get around the system””

If you can do better post your entries in the comments section below.

Last week I asked you for captions for this picture of the Horse belonging to queen welfare scrounger Heather Frost .

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3164 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – How Heather Frost spends your taxes edition. Giddy Up

I sense that Heather Frost, the welfare scrounger who breeds like a rabbit and says that a new free £400,000 eco mansion may not be good enough for her has made one or two of us want to vent a bit. I am sure that you have not forgotten the story here.

As such while I was tempted to run a photo of Call Me Dave in his new Indian headgear instead I bring you a picture of what Ms Frost spends £200 a month of YOUR money on. No it is not a juror in the Chris Huhne trial (far too bright for that) it is her horse.

The prize for the wittiest caption posted in the comments section below is am Its Time to Leave T-shirt. You can, of course, buy your very own It’s Time to Leave T-shirt here.

For what it is worth my entry is:

“It’s not just Dobbin who is being taken for a ride every day of the week by Heather Frost”

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3171 days ago

Friday Caption Contest: Heir to the War Criminal Edition

In the week that David Cameron decided that the middle classes deserve to be taxed twice so that the State can pay for care that folks are capable of affording themselves we have to honour the leader of the SDP, oops I meant Conservative Party. All he needs to do now is to start an illegal war or two and accept some dodgy donations to party coffers and he would be the true heir to Tony Blair.

I gather that “Don’t blame me I voted for David Davis” T-shirts are now a collector’s item. As folks increasingly wonder what exactly is the point of the Conservative Party I ask you to offer up captions for this picture. The winner will receive an “It’s Time to Leave” T-shirt which you can also order (along with the mug & hoodie) here.

For what it is worth my caption entry is:

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3177 days ago

Friday Caption Contest (on Saturday)- Liar & Criminal Chris Huhne Edition

It could have been Lasagne but that horse has bolted and so, talking of speeding we turn to Chris Huhne, liar and criminal and ex MP. As Mr Huhne awaits his £70,000 pay off (who said that crime does not pay?) and plays with his £600 iPad (claimed on expenses a few days ago) I ask you to provide a caption for this picture

The winner will receive a Chris Huhne Liar! Criminal! t-shirt, which you can also order (along with the mug & hoodie) here.

For what it’s worth my caption is:

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3183 days ago

Friday Caption Contest (on Sunday) – Conservative 2015 Election Triumph Strategy Edition

Apologies for the delay in the Friday caption contest – it is all Zak Mir’s fault.

I really cannot think of anything particularly important to prompt tasteless caption entries this week and so fall back on the issue which George Osborne says will be at the heart of the next Tory manifesto and which is guaranteed to bring the faithful back to the Conservative fold.

As you know, I would allow gay marriage. But I cannot say that it is the number one issue on my mind right now. The way that the Tory party is tearing itself apart with half its MPs revealing themselves as knuckleheaded bigots while the other half show themselves as being even more out of touch by making this such a number one priority is almost comical. If the Tories are to tear themselves apart at least they could do it over something that matters like the EU or the fact that Britain is going bankrupt.

Anyhow, to win an “It’s time to leave” T-shirt please post your captions in the comments box below (Jon Pickles, this has to be an easy Prince Harry one for you)

You can, of course, buy your own It’s Time to Leave T-shirt, hoodie, mug or thermos flask here.

For what it is worth my entry is:

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3192 days ago

Friday caption contest - Shipston on Stour Edition

I am not sure if this story is sponsored by the Shipston Middle classes who wish to deprive the Shipston plebs of affordable housing, cheap Turkey twizzlers and above all jobs, or by the coalition as we enter a triple dip recession.

On balance, having put Shipston on the map this one is in honour of the unholy alliance of deluded middle class lefties and Tory Toffs in Warwickshire who stopped Tesco from opening a store in the town where my father and step mother (deluded lefties) live.

I write about this here about 24 hours ago.

To win a “It’s Time to Leave” T-shirt which in this period of intense global warming will be extremely useful, simply post your entries to the picture below.

You can, of course, buy your own It’s Time to Leave T-shirt, sweatshirt, hoodie, mug or thermos flask in my online store here.

My entry is: “Someone spreads a vicous rumour on the Council Estates that the Shipston venison and pheasant shop is selling turkey twizzlers at half price in the name of diversity and choice”

Last week I asked you for your captions to this picture.

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3199 days ago

Friday Caption Contest sponsored by Tesco

There is only one story this week and we’d like to thank Tesco for not beefing about what follows. It provided the week’s best comedy.

To win a “It’s Time to Leave” T-shirt which in this period of intense global warming will be extremely useful, simply post your entries to the picture below.

You can, of course, buy your own It’s Time to Leave T-shirt, sweatshirt, hoodie, mug or thermos flask in my online store here.

My entry is:

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3206 days ago

Friday Caption Contest: MPs in the Age of Austerity Edition

I have just worked a 22 hour day, juggling the needs of sick staff, bills to pay, deadlines to meet etc. That is what life is like in the private sector. The bit of the economy that employs folks, pays over taxes to support the State, etc. And the chances of myself or my staff getting a 32% pay rise this year are zippo. Frankly almost no-one in the UK will get that sort of rise this year.

But one bunch of parasites, tarnished by allegations of corruption, working 3 days in 5 and universally despised reckon they merit a 32% hike taking them from the top 5% of earners into the top 1%. Even had I worked only 21 hours yesterday I would still be livid.

This week’s caption contest is in honour of the scumbags who forget that they work for us not the other way round. Please post your captions in the comments section below.

The best caption will win an “It’s Time to leave T-shirt which you can also buy exclusively here.

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3207 days ago

Piss off Argentina again – now you really are taking the er....piss

Argie President Fernandez really is a hoot. The woman is beyond parody. As her country’s economy sinks further down the plug-hole her posturing gets ever more ludicrous. Even deluded tax dodging lefties (i.e. the Guardian) must by now be giving up on her. Her latest outburst is a classic. Speaking after she managed to retrieve some old sailing boat used by her Navy for training which had been impounded in Ghana as a result of the Argies not paying their bills, the Botox Queen said:

Argentina once again has been attacked by speculative funds, and by others who threaten to come 12,000 kilometres (7,450 miles) to invade and militarise our Malvinas.

Er…. hang on those would be the Malvinas commonly known as the Falkland Islands which have been British for almost 200 years, where 100% of the population want to stay British and where the only country that has tried to invade them and militarise them in the past Century has been the Argies in 1982. And we know what happened to the pride of Argentina’s navy then.

This is not going to stop. As the Argie economy sinks faster than the General Belgrano there will be more outbursts. This will only stop when Ferrnandez fails to deliver the Falkland’s for her people and like General Galtieri she pays the price for failed sabre rattling ( or in his case sabre usage) and is slung out.

You can show your feelings on this issue by buying a “Piss off Argentina”, T-shirt, sweatshirt, hoodie or mug here at my online store

And don’t forget to enter this week’s Caption Contest – Piss off Argentina special HERE.

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3213 days ago

Friday Caption Contest: Piss off Argentina Edition

If there are any readers of the tax dodging, paedophilia endorsing, Argie loving Guardian reading this blog they may enter this week’s caption contest if they wish. But I warn them now that entries such as “brave anti imperialist campaigner President Fernandez is awarded a prize for delivering economic success by following the teachings of Ed Balls” will not win.

I am sure that regular readings can come up with better captions to the picture below. The most apt caption will win a Piss off Argentina T-shirt.

I know that two readers (Jon and Chris) were wearing their shirts with pride today as was I. If you wish to buy your own T-shirt ( or mug) you can do so at my online store here.

For what it is worth my entry is: “ Following her successful implementation of an economic policy devised by the Greek Government Argentine President Fernandez is handed a one way plane ticket to a destination selected by her adoring public back home.”

I am sure you can do better. Post your entries in the comments section below.

Last week I asked you for suitable captions to a picture containing a photo of Britain’s two least wanted men.

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3220 days ago

Friday Caption Contest: No-one wants Piers Morgan Special

The special relationship between Britain and America is under its most severe threat in decades. Stateside, a petition calling for Piers Moron to be deported has garnered enough signatures for President Obama to have to consider it. The world’s most hopeless chat show host, self-confessed phone hacker and “lucky” share punter during the City Slickers affair points out that 99% of Americans have not signed the petition. Alan Sugar responded on twitter by saying that those were the people who had not heard of Morgan.

But as this petition grows in size daily, other petitions are springing up demanding that he not be allowed back into Britain. The grounds seem unclear other than the fact that he is a loathsome human being and we would be better off without him.

I would just about consider an Abu Qatada Piers Morgan a good deal for Britain but it is pretty marginal. Perhaps if America agreed to take Russell Brand as well?

In order to win an “It’s Time to Leave” T-shirt I offer this picture of two grinning gentlemen. On is a proven loser with no friends very occassionally seen in the House of Commons. And so is the other.

Please post your entries in the comments section below.

You can of course buy your very own “It’s Time to Leave T-shirts, hoodies, sweatshirts, coffee mugs and Thermos flogs in my online store here.

For what it’s worth my entry is:

Brown: “ I’d like to replace the £9 billion I lost on bullion sales and you say you know Britain’s best gold digger – can you get Ms Mills’ telephone number for me?”

Last week I asked you for captions to this picture:

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3227 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – Christmas Edition

I have just completed my first shift as a waiter at Real Man Pizza Company. Sadly for the Bulletin Board morons this is not an ongoing feature of my life just a response to a hectic pre-Christmas Friday. I think I am not a very good waiter. Now devoid of energy and polishing off a glass of red I offer a picture of two well known gentlemen. One is a character that some people believe in and who always delivers and the other is Prime Minister David Cameron.

To win an “It’s Time to Leave T-shirt simply post your caption entries in the comments section below

You can always buy your own It’s Time to Leave T-shirt, mug, hoodie, sweatshirt of thermos flask here.

For what it is worth my entry is:

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3234 days ago

Friday Caption Contest - Tony Blair costs you £2 million edition

The British taxpayer is to cough up £2 million in hush money to some poor bloke we picked up in Hong Kong and sent back to Libya to be tortured by Tony Blair’s murdering pal the late Colonel Qadaffi. The poor chap was sent back on a flight with his family three days after the man who wishes to be the President of Europe met the man who organised Lockerbie and sent guns to the IRA to secure oil concessions for British Companies in Libya. I guess it is all part of what the late Robin Cook termed “New Labour’s ethical foreign policy.”

In order to win a “Its Time to Leave” T-shirt please post suitable captions to the picture below in the comments box. The deadline is a week today

You can of course buy an “It’s Time to Leave” T-shirt, mug, thermos flask, sweatshirt or hoodie here.

My entry is:

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3241 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – O Come All Ye Conservative Party Faithful Edition

I was tempted to try to find a caption to reflect today’s news from David Cameron of his new flagship policy to reach out to address the key concerns of hard pressed middle England in these austere times. That is to say, allowing gay marriages in Church.

Having won such praise for our last caption contest featuring the Butcher of Londonderry I considered that in this season of goodwill we revisit Ulster which is still part of the United Kingdom but where, in an act of pure sectarian malice designed to provoke, the Union Flag will not now be flown over City hall in Belfast except on special occasions. If there is a problem what do you do? Send for an O’Clinton of course. The family that has brought peace, love and happiness to folks in Iraq, Syria, Egypt, Libya and the Lewinsky family, can do anything and so the vile Clinton woman met up with Martin McGuinness ( who must have been gutted that the EU rather than he won the Nobel Peace Prize) to sort it all out.

But I cannot think of anything funny to say about McGuinness any more. And so I fall back on the Doha Climate Change conference where Dave Cameron came up with another big vote winner: give two billion quid to African dictators to build wind farms to tackle global warming.

In light of this I ask you for your captions for this photo taken today. To win one of our “It’s Time to Leave” (the EU) T-shirts (which you can buy here.) please post your entries in the comments section below to this picture:

My entry is:

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3248 days ago

Friday Caption Contest Lord Leveson and Hugh Grant Special

What should the caption picture be this week? Inches of inconvenient truth falling all over the country as the mercury goes down faster than Divine Brown on Sunset Boulevard? The Lib Dems coming 8th in Rotherham and UKIP’s triumph? Ultimately it had to be Lord Leveson and his farcical enquiry. And so this week, our caption contest features Hugh Grant who seems quite keen on gagging the press.

To win one of our Piss Off Argentina T-shirts post your entries in the comments section below.

You can, of course, buy your own Piss off Argentina T-shirt or mug here.

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3255 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – Abu Qatada Edition

I have rather lost track on how Abu Qatada’s claim for a far bigger council house and £10 million compensation is going. But the Islamofascist lover of terrorism continues to enjoy liberty and a lavish lifestyle in a country he despises thanks to its taxpayers. Even Call Me Dave seems to think that there is something not quite right about all of this. But meanwhile we must not infringe the human rights of this repellent human being. That is Al Qatada not call Me Dave.

And so without infringing the human rights of the bearded nutter (since the Kent Police will probably arrest you for it) I ask you for suitable captions to this picture (and I challenge Jon Pickles to get Prince Harry in here).

The winner will receive a Piss off Argentina T-Shirt which of course you can buy exclusively here.

My entry is:The BBC’s new Middle East correspondent gives his balanced opinion on the state of play in Gaza

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3262 days ago

Friday Caption Contest: Robert Mugabe steals $2billion & still gets our cash edition

This week it emerged that Robert Mugabe, Africa’s Hitler, had stolen $2 billion worth of diamonds from the poor people of Zimbabwe. But still the UK hands over £80 million a year directly in aid and a lot more via the Evil Empire.

And so in honour of the old Devil this week’s caption contest is an Uncle Bob special. Let’s see if the UK’s wittiest accountant Jon Pickles can somehow get Prince Harry into his entry for this week.

Please post your captions in the comments boxes below. The winner gets a Piss off Argentina T-shirt which, of course, you can always buy here.

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3269 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – Spoiled for Choice but the EU & Merkel win

So much in the news, if not yet in the newspapers, this week I am spoiled for choice. Surely a few cheap Obama/Romney jokes, Greek strike jokes, Angela Merkel jokes, EU diktats on children’s gender neutral TV jokes or just David Cameron again spring to mind? I am spoiled for choice.

So, to win a Piss off Argentina T-shirt I offer you this picture and ask you to post your non entries in the comments section below

For what it is worth my entry is:

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3276 days ago

Caption Contest: Does David Cameron have a backbone edition

And so, 51 Tory MPs showed they have some principle and voted against their party. Call Me Dave Cameron is now mandated to reject the 6.8% proposed EU budget increase. Will he show backbone? Will he show principle like when he promised us all a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty. And then, er … defined promise in a Nick Clegg manner and changed his mind? All will be revealed.

But in honour of our great leader this week we invite suitable captions for this picture – “I vow to thee, my Country”:

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3281 days ago

Tomograph 12 is live – The NHS is NOT a sacred cow

Those who are registered with this site were sent the Tomograph yesterday. If you are not registered please sign up now. You will not get Spam from third parties just the Tomograph and the odd message from me. You can sign up here.  This week’s issue contains an exclusive article on how the NHS is not a sacred cow. This was born from anger as I saw another sort of cow claim a 10% discount at a restaurant on Friday. 

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3283 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – Golden Olympic Legacy Issue: Sponsored by Lord Coe

So the Olympics cost the UK £15 billion or whatever but didn’t the politicians tell you that there would be a golden legacy? They were, of course, correct. Today it has emerged that Chime Communications (generated £30 million from doing PR for various aspects of the Games) is to buy a firm largely owned by Lord Seb Coe (organiser of the Games) for up to £12 million. Lovely, there is your golden legacy for you.

Move along nicely Sir. Don’t ask questions. The Olympics were a huge success for all concerned and have left a golden legacy for Britain. No buts. No ifs. Do not create a T-shirt protesting about this. You will note that Willy Hague MP has a shareholding in Lord Coe’s company. You should not question the State with naughty T-shirts or tweets, you never know where you will end up.

In honour of this golden legacy today’s photo is:

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3290 days ago

Caption Contest – Pres Obama & Saddam Hussein Special

And so President Obama apparently won the second Presidential debate. The polls look close. My money is still on Obama winning and Mitt Romney getting to spend more time with his $77,000 a year taxpayer subsidised horse. But all will become clear on November 6th.

The great issue should be the US economy. It is the economy stupid. Read my lips. As far as I can see President Obama wishes to bankrupt America within four years while Mitt’s policies will leave him needing at least two terms to achieve the same goal. Slow death or quick death – it’s America’s call.

And so, part one of this week’s caption contest is in honour of hopeychange himself

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3294 days ago

Merkel in Greece Caption Contest: Early winner: Jon Pickles a genius

I am calling the result of the Friday caption contest early. Jon Pickles, finance director of ILX Group is officially a genius and his entry is unbeatable. A T-shirt will be sent to Mr P in due course for his winning entry and for showing that accountants can have a sense of humour.

The picture is of Reichsfuhrer Merkel meeting Greek PM Samaras in Athens on Friday, the day the Evil Empire was awarded the Nobel Price for Peace. Stop laughing at the back. It really did win.

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3297 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – Reichsfuhrer Merkel in Greece Special

As you may have gathered German leader Angela Merkel has been visiting Greece this week where she has met up with Greek PM Samaras to discuss how the EU austerity programme is bringing health, wealth and happiness to his country. Naturally the people of Athens have been delighted by their complete loss of sovereignty and greeted Merkel with undiminished love and admiration. Or I think that is what the press release from the Evil Empire’s press office will have said.

Anyhow in honour of this happy occasion in the brotherhood of man that is the
European Union I bring you a photo of Merkel and Samaras as they prepare to address adoring crowds in Athens.

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3304 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – Thick Scots Special

I could not sleep last night. Harriet Harman’s comments about what goes on her bedroom gave me a series of nightmares. And so my prime entry in this week’s caption contest is in honour of the silly old trout.

Apparently the photo originally comes from Scotland where a man really did get his head stuck in this recycling bin. What was he up to? Did someone tell Charlie Kennedy that there was a half empty bottle inside? Whatever happened to this poor chap I am sure that everyone soon agreed that it was all the fault of the English or the wicked Tories or both.

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3311 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – We love the EU and the Euro Special

Across Europe we have witnessed a week of riots. From Madrid to Athens and into France the police have battled protesters. I phoned through to the EU information office and after congratulating them on the Evil Empire’s contribution to world democracy day I asked if this wholesale civil disorder driven by youth unemployment of 60% (and rising) and general unemployment of 30% (and rising) was a legitimate protest against austerity and the abject failure of the Euro.

It seems that I could not have got it more wrong. I need to pay more attention to what Lord Mandelson says about how the Euro is on the mend and that in a decade Britain will be part of it. And as for the riots? It seems that we have all got the wrong end of the stick here. The people are protesting yes. But their demand is for more austerity and the free people of Europe also wish to vent their anger about the wicked lies told by right wing Britons and the evil British press in suggesting that the Euro is somehow a failure when it has brought peace and prosperity across the continent.

Those effigies you can see being burned are of Nigel Farage, Chris Booker and Ambrose Evans Pritchard.

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3318 days ago

The Friday Caption Contest...Would Sefton Resources want to sponsor this one?

And so the Friday caption contest is back. We still have not quite got around to producing our new line of unethically produced politically incorrect T-shirts and mugs and so the prize for this week remains a “Piss off Argentina” mug which you can of course also buy here.

This week’s caption contest has no sponsor but I would be delighted if AIM listed Sefton Resources (SER) would step up to the plate. I gather that the company (which is yet to contact me about this article) is holding a presentation on 9th October at 6PM in London and I have registered to attend. You can also do so here.

If anyone wishes, I am happy to offer a half price pizza at Real Man Pizza Company at 91-95 Clerkenwell Road at 4.45 PM on the 9th and we can then all troop along together. If you care to join me for the pre-Sefton pizza drop me an e-mail.

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3325 days ago

Friday Caption Contest – Trades Union Special

In a week when TUC leaders seemed to think that celebrating the death of Lady Thatcher was funny (before the sad day has even happened) it is perhaps right that we honour those hard working men and women who lead Britain’s unions, toiling away day and night for little reward, battling away on behalf of their hard pressed members as they fight off the wicked Tory cuts.

On a salary of a mere £254,978 a year Bob Crowe stands out as a man of the people. After all he lives in state subsidised housing, does he not? Clearly I am delighted that my taxes go to subsidise such an impoverished fellow.

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3332 days ago

The Friday Caption Contest is back sponsored by Healthy Living Campaigners Mars

Okay Mars Inc is not sponsoring the caption contest before is pompous lawyers get onto the case. That is what is termed a little joke in Britain. But Mars provided the highlight of the week. Not you understand that I would eat any of their loathsome 260 calorie, 34.6 grammes of sugar and 9.9 grammes of fat bars even though I understand that doing so will help Mars which is committed to promoting healthy and active lifestyles. Instead it was the way that the pompous lawyers acting for the dickheads who run the US giant have tried to stop some Scottish shop from selling its branded “deep fried Mars Bars.” Mars would not wish to be associated with such a product because of its commitment to healthy and active lifestyles. Yup right. You can read the full story here.

Of course the issue of Scottish health problems is not to be ignored. Life expectancy in some parts of urban Scotland is now, at 57, lower than in the Ukraine. The left blames this on poverty, evil capitalists and wicked Tory cuts. Yup right. Folks do not have to spend their welfare cheques on cigarettes, alcohol and deep fried Mars Bars. It is a lifestyle choice. Living off welfare does not force you to eat crap and drink and smoke. This is a matter of personal freedom, choice and responsibility. Giving these folks far bigger welfare cheques would not turn them into non-smoking, tee-total, tofu munchers.

The issue of accepting responsibility for your own destiny (something the Left cannot abide because the State always knows best and working class folk cannot exist without middle class lefties telling them how to improve themselves) is a matter I have discussed before and shall do again. For now here is this week’s caption contest.

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3360 days ago

Caption Contest – Olympics Medals Table Special

Okay, things have improved for the Australians at the Olympics. I see they are now up to ninth in the medals table just behind Hungary and a couple of golds behind the county of Yorkshire. But as I pray for sporting success for Italy, Kazakhstan, Japan and Holland this is still not a great result for the world’s most sporting nation. And with that in mind, plus the news about which reformed talentless 5 piece girl band will be fronting up the closing ceremony. This week’s caption contest features the picture above.

As ever the prize is a Piss off Argentina mug which can also be bought from our online store here.

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3367 days ago

Caption Contest - Mitt Romney & His Horse

Mitt Romney made no gaffes while in London. But has his horse gaffed? You know the one competing in the Olympics dressage (ballet dancing for gee gees) for the USA. I neither know not care. But if I was an American voter I would be pretty riled that Romney claimed $77,000 in tax deductions for keeping his pony. But as I suggested earlier this week, this could be the least of Romney’s tax worries – for more read here.

And so in honour of the great tax minimiser this week’s caption contest features a pampered dumb animal with no idea on how to fix America and also Mitt Romney’s horse.

My caption entry is:

Nag: “Mitt have you put on weight or have you got one of your Swiss bank accounts with you?”

Mitt: “Shut up or I shall outsource your job to a Mexican pony and send you to a Bain glue factory for asset stripping.”

I was trying to work out something involving Mitt boasting that unlike Clinton

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3374 days ago

Caption Competition – Boris Johnson Special

In the week that Londoners get to a) have their lives wrecked by the Olympics, b) get to see celebs whizzing past in their special limo lanes, c) become the bull’s-eye target for Al Qaeda and d) start to work out how much this is all going to cost, our caption contest can only feature one of those responsible. Cripes. Blimey. Jeepers.

It is shagalong with Mayor Boris Johnson

My entry is

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3381 days ago

Caption Competition – Damian Conboy Special

In the week that Prime Minister David Cameron told a stack of lies about cutting spending and the deficit before flying off to inspect our troops in Afgnaistan claiming that an orderly withdrawal was possible in 2014 (another lie), Call Me Dave should be in the spotlight for the caption contest. But instead I turn to my favourite colourful mining boss, proven liar Damian Convoy of AIM listed Alecto Resources (ALO) as featured here and here.

My entry is:

Damian over the loudspeaker: “ Welcome gentlemen to the AGM of Alecto Resources. I have been networking hard on your behalf and may I introduce you to your new team of competent persons who will be showing off their resource estimates later.”

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